1.

Dear Sir,

I am led to contact you after seeing your contact in the Internet 
during my search for a business negotiation. 
Anyway, my name is Mr. Kingsley Williams, a legal practitioner 
based in Nigeria 
I have the authority of my client to seek for a reliable, honest and 
trustworthy foreign businessman or woman whom could assist in the 
investment of the sum of US$ 18.5M either in his/her country or in 
any western countries.

Upon receipt of the following I shall furnish you immediately 
with the modalities for us to proceed. Your remuneration for 
the assistance shall be 30% of the total sum due to the role 
you are going to play to make the business be a success.

Kindly acknowledge the receipt of this message by furnishing me 
with your telephone and fax numbers including your full name 
and address.

Thanks for your understanding as we expect a profitable and 
fruitful business undertaking with your esteem company.
Send your reply to my direct and private email address:XXXX

Yours faithfully,

Kingsley Williams (Esq.)

2.

Thank you for considering me for your venture. I'm sure that because you are a legal practitioner that you are aware of all legal pratices, and therefore, very trustworthy. I myself am as trustworthy as a Catholic priest at a boy's school. In fact, you could just refer to me as Father. I think I'd like that.

You are looking for bank accounts in the US I believe. I have many bank accounts through which I launder money here. How many do you need? I can make as many available as needed. I also have offshore accounts, should we need them.

I'm not sure about the 30% though. Things are much more expensive here than Nigeria. I may require some expense funds as well.

3.

Attn: father 
Dear sir,

Thanks for your response to my proposal. It is
appreciated. I have relayed your email to my client and
she is delighted to deal with a person of your
integrity.

However, as a legal practitioner I am quite aware of
the legal practice as it affects this transaction and
would try to the best of my ability to ensure
everything goes accordingly.

Meanwhile I would like you to furnish the following
information to me immediately for immediate processing
of the fund into your nominated account. 
1) Your private telephone and fax numbers for private
discussions.
2) Your full name, company Name and address.
3) The receiving account particulars. It is left for
you to decide any of the accounts that would be able to
accommodate the stated sum-US$18.5M. For security
reasons we would not want the money to be sent into
different accounts unless if you do not have a single
account that could contain the money. Preferably US
account would be ideal since my client would likely
want to invest her part of the money in US.
Concerning the 30% remuneration in which you said you
are not sure, I would like you to contact me on my
direct number 234 (XXXX) for us to discuss and know
if there are some amendment that could be done.

As soon as I receive your response, modalities for the
transaction shall be communicated to you.

Regards

Kingsley Williams (Esq.)

4.

Your last email concerns me greatly. You spoke of a client. I was under the impression I was dealing directly with you. Now this. Are you trying to deceive me? Who is this person, and why are they necessary? I thought you were a legal practitioner. You should know better than this. Just as an aside, when do you stop practicing and really start playing? Ha! I'm kidding, I'm a kidder!

Once we dispose of this woman, and you may do that in any fashion that you choose, though I would suggest you make it look like an "accident", we can get down to real business. I was thinking my cut should be about 50%, what do you say? With that kind of scratch I could really make some stuff happen. You know, cars, girls, big houses, a pony and plenty of gravy. That's living, huh?

As for the bank accounts, my accounts are so big women faint and grown men cry when they see them. I believe that can hold everything you've got. I think the banks in Pennsytucky are the ones with the least government regulations, so money should go there, if you approve.

5.

Subject: RE: INVESTMENT NEGOTIATIONS

Dear Father,
I have received your email which came with a mixed
feelings. However, i am writing to inform you that I am
not a deceiver and would never attempt that. I am a man
with concience.
I wrote you from onset that that this money belong to a
client of my but i have every authority to do anything
over the fund.

As a matter of fact I would like you to call me or you
give me your direct phone number for us to discuss over
the phone and deliberate on the percentage.

As per the Pennsytucky account there is no problem but
be assured that we are into a real business that every
body will be happy at the end of the day.
Call me on my number immediately you receive this
meassage on  234(XXXX).

Regards

Kingsley Williams

6.

You must forgive me, I was being overly suspicious. I mean, how could I ever question your integrity, a man of your reputation who wrote me out of the blue, seeking my help. What was I thinking?

First I must tell you that it is difficult for me to make or receive phone calls at this time. The US government is watching me and monitoring my calls, and I don't want them to find out about this. In the next day or two, I will be installing a secret Iridium phone system that will be untraceable. We will talk then. I'm sure you are familiar with Iridium and their satellite technology.

Along with that, I'm forced to take a new name. I will be called Mac Sandwich, as the government does not know me by that name. You can refer to me as Big Mac.

AS you say, the Pensytucky Bank will do for our purposes. I am known there, as I launder great deals of cash in that bank.

By the way, my grandfather was B.L. Williams of the Florida Williams. Could you by any chance be related? I would hope to include you as a family member, with the rank and privilege that entails.

7.

Dear Big Mac,

Thanks for your email and your apology has been
accepted unconditionally. But I wish to inform you that
there is need for us to proceed immediately as you
stated that you cannot talk for now until you install
your new security lines in two days times.
I am a bit agitated by your assertion; you said the US
government is monitoring both your incoming and
outgoing calls, what is the reason for such
surveillance. I am sure we are safe dealing with you in
this business. Please explain!!!  

Meanwhile, you are required to send the information
stated earlier on which includes:
The bank information and your address while your
telephone and fax numbers shall come as soon as there
are installed.
Concerning the name of your grandfather B.L. Williams,
in fact that is indeed a marvelous coincidence. I would
be greatly thrilled to belong to the family in whatever
form you may want it and the privileges as you may deem
fit.

Do as much as you can to put machineries in motion for
a successful realization of this project, as this seems
to be an open door for a mutual business relationship
with you and the family entirely.

Always maintain absolute confidentiality concerning the
entire nature of this business. Business they say is
secret and we must definitely have that as our
watchword.

I expect your immediate response.


Regards

Kingsley Williams (Esq.)

8.

I am glad that we are back on the same track. I cried myself to sleep last night thinking that I had hurt you. I had to drink nearly a quart of Jack Daniels before I could rest,( I'll add that to the expenses later).

As far as the government goes, rest easy. My attorney, lawyer Dagget from the Territiories, says the government has no case. Besides, how was I supposed to know she was 13? That may not be a problem in your country, and if I lived in Alabama, it wouldn't be a problem here either. Perhaps I'll move.

Now, to real business. I contacted my banker in Pensytucky, Issac Asimov. I did not discuss you or our plan, I simply said to expect some transactions with the account in the next week. Okay?

Next, I need to know what information you require exactly. Can you provide a list? I'd like three (3) copies please. Stacked neatly.

My phone number will be ready tomorrow a.m. We'll talk then.

Lastly, I am so pleased that we may be related. I feel very comfortable with that. So much so that I'm preparing my guest house for you should you decide to vist the US. Well, it's sort of a tool shed, but I'm putting some of that inflatable furniture, some black light posters, Tupperware containers and Lava lamp out there. I think it's quite nice. just don't start the grill up while it's next to the gas can. As a member of the family,you'll get discounts at the Burger Barn, a chair at the AA meeting, and unlimited use of the roadways. Sound good?

9.

Subject: INVESTMENT NEGOTIATIONS


Dear Sir,
Thanks for your message. The content is well noted.
You said I have to provide a list of the information I
require you to send in 3 copies. I do not understand
you correctly what you mean by that but I believe it is
something we have to talk over the phone when you would
call me.

However, you are required to send me your full name and
address for me to use it to start the processing of the
fund here in Nigeria. Presently the fund is with a
security company here in west Africa and I have to use
my good office to process the fund in your favor as the
beneficiary before it will be wired into your account.
Basically, what I need now is your name and company
name that you want to reflect in the documentation for
the fund payment after which the bank account shall
come thereafter. Already I have commenced discussion
with the security company and they are awaiting my
correspondence, which has to go with the beneficiary's
information (you).

Let me have this information today for me to proceed
tomorrow.

I must express my gratitude in advance over all the
good tidings you have in stock for me and I believe God
in his infinite mercies will surely bring it to
fulfillment.
Yours sincerely,

Kingsley Williams (Esq.)

10.

I'm so glad you've promptly replied. I know that anyone who responds so quickly must be competent. As far as the list goes, you mentioned in a past email that you needed "The receiving account particulars". Now I'm just guessing, but that's my bank you want to send the money to, right? If so, I need a list of these "particulars", and maybe some snapshots, if you've got them. I suppose you could send one (1) list, but it's going to make more paperwork for me, (but I can expense that, right)? You probably need bank name, account numbers, shoe size, what ever. Let me know!

My full name is of course, Mac Sandwich. My address is 1 Kroc Drive, Oak Brook, IL 60523. Tomorrow, I will send the Corporate name and phone numbers.

You know, I believe that God is blessing us with this business deal. I can feel it. My cough has cleared up, and I've grown an extra toe on my left foot. I think that's a good sign. I've already put a down payment on a new house, (but don't you worry, I still have a, um, guest house ready for you. And if there's still a rake in the corner, well, a little yard work wouldn't be out of line).

11.

Dear Mac,
What is happening on your end? why have I not heard
from you for a couple of days now? Is everything okay?
Furnish me as soon as possible as we have commenced
towards the actualisation of the transaction.

You have my number, you can contact me urgently.
I am sure that work is as well in progress for the
inclusion of my name as your family member.
Williams 

12.

I'm very sorry that I was unable to get in touch with you, but I've had a long weekend that took me out of town. On Friday, my friend and attorney, J. Nobile Daggett, picked me up and tossed me into his car. In the back seat he had a case of beer, 2 quarts of Jack Daniels, a six pack of Mountain Dew(Red) and half a bottle of ludes. I knew I wouldn't be coming home soon.

He drove me down to the end of Lonely Street, to the Heartbreak Hotel. When we went into the lounge I couldn't believe my eyes! There, on stage, was Spanish Lucy and her donkey Lowell! We closed the bar down and took Lucy, Lowell, and the contents of the back seat up to our room.

Well, I don't need to tell you what happened! In fact, I don't think I can. When I awoke the next morning, J. Nobile Daggett, Spanish Lucy, Lowell and my wallet were gone. All I could remember was singing Broadway tunes in my underwear while J. Nobile Daggett got jiggy wit Spanish Lucy and Lowell crapped happily in the corner. But Lowell can sure get a freak on when he wants to!

That brings us to today. You said you need my bank information, yet you refuse to tell me what, exactly, you want. Do you need the name of the bank? Address? Account number? I need this money Kingsley, as someone's got to pay for the hotel room and I think Lowell gave them my number.

Also, I just got and email from a Dr. Fadiga Peters in Nigeria. He said he needs my help with some bizness, and you (as well as Spanish Lucy) know I can do some bizness. Do you know him? Do you think he can be trusted?

13.

Dear Mac,
Thanks for your email and your weekend encounter. In
fact I would have loved to join you guys if I were
notified. No doubt you really had some snappy thrill
and bliss. I hope to join in the next trip by then the
fund must have been credited in your account for me to
come over to US.

At the moment, what I need is your telephone and fax
number because we need to talk. I have already used
your personal data you gave me last week to start the
processing of the fund. I am expecting the deposit slip
from the security company today, which I shall
transmit, to you as soon as I got it. After the
approval from the security company modalities for the
payment into your nominated account shall be
communicated to us. You shall be required to send down
YOUR BANK NAME, ADDRESS, and TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS
AND ALSO YOUR ACCOUNT NAME AND NUMBER FOR A SMOOTH
TRANSFER.

 In response to the message you said you received form
Nigeria, I advise you to send me the message for me to
investigate and find out whom the guy is. If he is
somebody to deal with I would know but if he is not I
still let you know my findings. I should be able to do
that for you as your family lawyer in Nigeria.
DO NOT REPLY HIM YET UNTIL I ADVISE YOU.

Call me urgently.

Regards

Kingsley Williams 

14.

Thanks for replying. Yes, I'm sure there was some bliss this weekend, but I don't much remember, though J. Nobile Daggett says I will when the film is developed.

Now I need to tell you this. When you call you will get a recording. Press 6, that will get you to an operator. Tell them you want to talk to me, (just ask for Big Mac, they all know me). I told them to expect your call, but because they work different shifts I couldn't speak with all of them. If they don't want to connect you, be persistent, since they screen many of the sales calls out. I'm going to be in meetings much of the next several days with Mayor McCheese discussing new bidness. Tell the operator that I am in with the Mayor and then they'll know that you are serious.

There, you should have everything you need. Let's Party! Show me the money! Let the cartoons begin!

Oh yes. I'll be sending you a copy of Dr. Peters letter as well. Since you handle all my legal matters in Nigeria, please check it out. Another thing, since I'm going to have some extra dough-ray-me, could you look for a nice vacation house in Nigeria for me. I think I'll visit and it would be nice to have a place to stash some extra loot at. It should have a pool and central air. A satellite dish would be cool too. 4 bedrooms and 2 baths. Oh, and you'll need a tool shed as well.

15.

Dear Mac,

Thanks for the detail message of the requirement for
this transaction.
I have taken note of that, I did receive the
confirmation of the Deposit slip from the security
company that would be effecting the release of the fund
into your nominated account in America.

Having,given the approval by the company, you as the
beneficiary, shall be required to sign the necessary
document in their affliate office in ACCRA- GHANA for
them to effect the release of the fund into your
account within 48hours. This as a matter of policy and
the pact entered with the original depositor of the
fund hence it is mandatory.
In view of this, you are required to inform me precisly
when you would be making the trip for a sucessful
conclusion of this business.
To ensure a perfect and hitch-free signing, I shall
accompany you with all the necessary documentation in
relation to this fund.

I shall call you today, to further highlight you on the
issue.
Concerning the letter from PETERS,I have sent two
competent lawyers in my chamber to go to the NNPC and
find out who this guy is. For the meantime, I advise
you to stop further contact with him untill the enquiry
is concluded.

Take a good care of yourself.

Yours sincerely,

Kingsley Williams

16.

I'm VERY happy to hear things are progressing. I'm going to be needing some cash rather quickly since a acquaintance, Tony the Nose, is calling in some markers. Who knew that horse was lame anyway? It looked ok to me. Anyway, if I want to keep walking upright, I'll need cash. I did tell him you were going to be sending me some, but I think he wants an address for you. Can you send me your address?

As far as going there to sign papers, I'm ready. If I can give Tony's boys the slip, I'm there. I will fly first class, (I'll add that to expenses) and be accompanied by Spanish Lucy. I'm hoping that I can ditch Lowell. I don't trust that ass for a minute, and he's been giving me funny looks.

You're going to need to tell me which airport to arrive at. Heck, I don't even know where Nigeria is. Someplace warm I hope, with plenty of coconuts. I like those little drinks with them umbrellas. Maybe you should have a few pitchers ready when I land.

As far as accommodations, I'm hoping you can have that house ready. See if you can get a little uniform for yourself, maybe something frilly. If no house can be prepared, find a decent 4 star hotel. One that has umbrella drinks.

17.

Hi Mac,
I am not happy the way I was treated today by the call
director of your company. I called and mentioned your
name and she dropped after asking me rigorous
questions. She answered as if she does not know whom I
was asking for. For that reason I decided not to call
again after some other attempts.She said she does't
have any body like that in her register.

You see, we ought to handle this transaction with
utmost seriousness without any form of child's play
business. I have been telling you all these while that
we need to talk on phone, you said you do not want to
call or receive any call due to your case with the
government of your country. You further said you were
making arrangement to install a telephone system that
could be conducive for this business. I accepted but
now you gave a telephone number that I still have to
pass through some kind of processes at the end of the
day phone will be hung on me. From the direction you
gave, you said that I have to mention your name and
that if they refuse to connect me that I should persist
calling for them to know that I am serious. What kind
of deal is that in a transaction of this magnitude.

In fact, I need to speak with you, therefore, you are
to reach me urgently on my number for us to discuss 
234 (xxxxx) otherwise I would be compelled to believe
that, you are not ready to handle this project with me.

Regards

William

For your information, the lawyers I sent from my
chamber to go and investigate the PETERS said they did
not find anybody like that working with the NIGERIAN
NATIONAL PETROLUEM CORPORATION (NNPC). They said they
went as far as demanding for the list of the NNPC top
officials and yet they could not trace any name like
that. The name that was close to that is PETERS MUGU
IBERIBE. And this gentleman is under the admin office.
I have instructed them to move down to Abuja to find
out tomorrow. They shall be taking the first flight
tomorrow morning to investigate also. Until the full
investigation is conducted, you are not advised to
contact him for any business except you so decides. If
you have his telephone number, you could include it but
if you don't have, do not bother.

18.

I am shocked and saddened by the way you were treated. There is no excuse for that on my part! I am truly shamed by your treatment. I beg your forgiveness and hope we can get past all that. Did you get the woman's name? I will have her taken in front of the whole company and beaten within an inch of her life! I will have Tammy Faye Baker apply mountains of makeup to her face till she looks like a goblin and falls over from the weight! Then, she'll be out of a job.

Believe me, this is no joke or child's play. Tony the Nose wants his money, the real estate agent wants the down payment, the hotel is harassing me to cover the damage from the weekend, and J. Nobile Daggett wants a piece of the action or those pictures of me and Lowell will be on the internet next week!

I'm thinking this really would be an excellent time to go to Nigeria. I need to leave town in a hurry. I can book a flight quickly, as soon as you tell me which airport in Nigeria you will meet me at. I can handle this project, I can handle ANY bidness project. After all, it's what I do.

Where will I be staying? Have you found a suitable house or hotel. Remember, I need plenty of coconuts and umbrella drinks.

That PETERS sounds like bad news. I shall deal with him no further. Perhaps your lawyers can have him picked up and sent to a Turkish prison. I think that would serve him right.

And please, send me the name of the woman that treated you with such disrespect. She will be dealt with.

19.

Dear Mac,

Thanks for your email. I have heard your explainations
but you must call me this afternoon if you want me to
beleive that you are serious. However,I have perfected
the necessary documents and have transfered your name
as the beneficiary of this fund 
with the Security company. I am sure that everything
shall be concluded before as soon as you arrive to
Acrra Ghana. Be informed that Accra Ghana is not in
Nigeria. It is a country of its own located in West
African sub regions.
The security Company that is transfering the fund is in
Accra-Ghana. That is why, You need to book your flight
directly to Accra-Ghana. Actually, it is a neighbouring
country to Nigeria and not too far from Nigeria.
In order to facilitate the travelling arrangement, I
did discuss with one of my fellow learned friends in
Ghana to help you obtain a cable Visa so that we would
not have any delay. In that respect he told me that, he
would need the first three pages of your international
passport for the Cable Visa. He said, within 24 hours
the Cable Visa would be ready for you to fly down.

I have already entered into negotiation with some
estate valuer for a fine house in Victoria Garden City
(VGC)Lekki Penisulla. 						
And I am sure that everything before your arrival
everything shall be okay for inspection and subsequent
payment. Of course I know you would like it because it
is exclusively
built and designed. As for the, accomodations, the 4
star hotel could be arranged where you would stay
temporarily for the acomplishment of the signing with
the security Company after which,
 we shall fly to Nigeria and to United States finally
for the sharing of the money in your account.
I am expecting your immediate action.

Sincerely

Kingsley Williams (Esq.)

20

This is most excellent! It sounds like we have everything in order. I shall book my ticket for a flight tomorrow to Accra-Ghana. I guess there is just one airport there or you would have told me which city to arrive at. I hope that the runway is paved. Those bumpy landings make my spleen hurt.

As far as the cable visa goes, please thank your friend, but his help is not required. You see, I have Popiel's VISA-MATIC! Yes, VISA-MATIC is the easiest way to make your own visa stamps. No more fooling with slow government agencies or corrupt back ally stamps. VISA-MATIC lets you create official looking visas anytime, anywhere! And it's available now for the low, low price of $29.95. Don't be fooled by imitations! The is the original VISA-MATIC. (As an aside, I'm a distributor of the VISA-MATIC, and if you act now, I'll throw in Ronco's PICTURE-MATIC, the fastest way to create bogus passport photos yet!)

Ok, the house sounds almost perfect. It does have a pool, correct? And the hotel you mentioned should do nicely, but please be assured, it must have coconuts and umbrella drinks, otherwise, the deal is off!

21.

I must tell you that I am wound up tighter than a nun in a strip joint! I spent this morning calling you and all I got was a message telling me that the number was out of service! What kind of game is this? I'm a bidness man, doing bidness in a bidness manner. You were supposed to send money to my account. Is it there yet? No! Did you persist in calling me? No! I'll bet you haven't even gotten that frilly uniform yet, have you? And where are my damn coconuts and umbrella drinks?

I'm very upset. I had my staff of crack phone dialers call 234 X XXXXX till their fingers bled. Two of them needed medical care, and I had to lie on top of another one for nearly an hour till she calmed down.

Let's just say that for now I have canceled my trip to Ghana, (and that my friend, has cost me nearly $20,000! I will add that to my expenses.)

22.

Once again I think I had some snappy fun this weekend. I'm not sure though. The last thing I recall was Spanish Lucy coming over and that it involved mass quantities of alcohol, gerbils and duct tape. As always, I'll know more when the film is developed.

I have not heard from you so I hope everything is going well. I did not mean to sound strident in my last email, I had just coughed up a lung and had a monster headache.

I did contact Dr. Peters. He wants me to send him $250,000. While that's not much money, you are my family laywer in Nigeria, so I wondered if you found out anything about him?

23.

Dear Mac,
Thanks for the last two emails you sent to me which i
did not reply you on time. The reason for the late
response was as a result of my trip to Ghana to
finalise every arrangement with the security company
for the release of the money into your account.
Also to make sure that the accomodation for you is in
such that you could like. Everything is in perfect
order.
In fact I just came in this afternoon and saw your
emails then i decided to get in touch immediately.
Concerning my phone, I am sorry the reason why you
could not get me was because I disconnected it. Right
now it is working you call me immediately for me to
furnish you with the latest update.My number is 234 (XXXX).

I am dissappointed with you that you continued to deal
with Peters after telling you about our findings in the
NNPC. You have yourself to blame in whatever business
you do with him.
Do not say I did not tell you!!!!!

I am expecting your call as soon as you receive this
email.

Williams 

24.

Dear Mac,
This is the second mail I sent to you since I came back
from my trip. Is everything okay on your side? Get in
touch with me urgently for me to know the position of
things on your side. I have received a payment
notification from the security company in your favour
for the payment of the fund upon the fulfilment of the
signing and statutory obligations.

Check my number very well, the number you were dailing
from what you wrote in your last email reveals that you
were not dailing the correct number. My number is 234 (XXXX). 
Call me urgently as I have tried fruitlessly
to get you to no avail because your staff seems playing
pranks to say they dont know who Big Mac is.

I am waiting.

Regards

Williams

25.

Well, I looked and guess what, you are right. My staff of crack phone dialers WERE dialing the wrong number! Is my face red or what? Well, I'm going to get the team going today. I issued them all thick woolen gloves so they won't risk injury to their fingers as they dial. And as a bonus, the person that gets through to you will get to perform domestic chores in one of my homes. You can't beleive the excitement around here.

Speaking of homes, how are things progressing on my new home in Nigeria or Ghana or France or whatever? There should be a fully stocked bar when I get there. I think that's really all I need.

It seems that the modalities for the transaction are indeed in order. God gave me a vision that the money would be transferred in the next three (3) days. God also gave me a little heartburn and a small hangnail, but when I get the cash I can live with that.

26.

Dear sir,
I have received your message which seems to me a joke
as you have bluntly refused to adhere to my
instructions. I have received the payment notification
for this payment in your favour which I suppose to
transmit to you either by fax or scanned mail but your 
lukewarm attitude in talking to me is giving me serious
concern.

get in touch by phone for me to talk with you or you
give me you direct phone number.

regards

Kingsley

27.

Your words wound me deeply! I bleed the blood of the injured. You've made the wind from my rear break in a foul manner. Can you feel my pain? Can you?

I have wanted nothing more than to have a successful venture. I wanted the money you promised, not for my own gain, but only to help poor children. I have made it my life's work to help the poor and downtrodden in this country. Do you know what it costs to aid a child in this country? Nearly $1000.00 per day.

I try to aid poor girls between the ages of 18-22. I supply homes, cars, clothes from Victoria's Secret and Fredrick's of Hollywood, dinners in nice clubs, entertainment in upscale venues, in short, I want to provide them with a life they've only dreamed about, and that is not cheap, my friend, believe me!

God sent you to me to help these women. Please be part of my glorious mission to make the world a better place, and transfer the money to my account. God's work is no joke, and I have complied with your requests.

28.

I have not heard from you Kingsley. Are you doing well? Listen, could I send my nephew to work at your law firm this summer? He's looking for a summer job, and I promised him that uncle Kingsley would give him a position this summer. I thought maybe he could just sweep floors or something, but them I thought, hey, how many laws can you have over there, right? I mean, there's probably a pamphlet or something you could send that explains the basic laws, and he can probably fake the rest. He's lived on a farm, so he could probably handle most of your cases that deal with goats and stuff.

The only thing I'd ask is that he get paid in real money, not oxen or chicken or nuts or whatever. He's got to buy textbooks next year, so it'd really help out if he got currency.

29.

Dear sir,
Thanks for your email. I am very much around and ready
to work with you in 
all ramifications. I received your last email before
this one, which was not properly digested. However I
decided to transmit this PAYMENT ADVISE from the
Security Company demanding you officially to come and
sign the necessary documents that would enhance the
release of the fund into your nominated account. The
CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT and some other Valid documents
shall be given to you as soon as you arrive here before
going to sign the document.

Basically, the consignments were logded in form of
jewelries by the late Gen Sanni Abacha as a legacy to
the wife while the original content of the fund is
genuine United States Dollars. But due to the
circumstances surrounding his death and the way he
looted all the government treasury, the suceeding
government, now confiscated all the known assets of the
family. Fortunately, for the wife this was not noticed
and she ran to me asking for help in transfering this
fund out of the country without the knowledge of
anybody including the government. In fact I have done
that by using my position to file the necessary papers
where necessary to make sure that we arrive at this
level of approval as you can see from the attached
PAYMENT ADVISE.

In view of this, you are directed to inform me about
your preparation for the visit in Accra Ghana for the
conclusion of the business. As soon as I hear from you
I shall furnish you with the telephone number of the
four star hotel for you to negotiate for your
accomodation. The agreement binding us in this business
shall be delivered to you for your perusal before the
endorsement as soon as possible.

concerning the visit of your nephew there is no
problem. All the maximum co-operation needed to ensure
that the visit is a sucess shall be given.
Awaiting your immediate response.

Kingsley williams

30.

Dear Mac,

Find attached the text of the MUTUAL AGREEMENT. You are
to study it and get back to me with your observations
if any before i shall produce it for endorsement for
the parties involved.

Also let me know when you would be arriving for the
signing of the fund in Ghana. You would agre with me
that time is no longer on our side.

Yours faithfully,

Kingsley Williams

31.

My adventures have keep me out of touch for several days. I had not intended to leave town, however, my team of crack phone dialers, having been worn out from the previous week, got into some hard times, and despite what may appear in the news, I can assure you that it wasn't MY crack. Heck, I just thought they were dedicated.

With the cameras and lights and whatever I had to leave town on the first Greyhound, and let me tell you, that dog was running. I end up in Brownsville, Texas, in a bar with a bunch of real nice sailors. When I woke up, I was somewhere in Mexico, my shoes are missing, and once again, I've got a roll of undeveloped film. If I ever catch up with that Lowell, there's going to be trouble, let me tell you.

The payment form was most welcome, as was the contract. Did you produce that? I wish my secretaries could do that kind of work. If you come to the US, I'll chase you around the office and goose you, just like I do them. It would be an honor. What fonts do you use?

I will be making my arrangements to fly there in the next day or two. I can sign the document and email it back to you, if you wish. Would you like it scanned, faxed, or surgically altered to resemble a squirrel. I can do origami as well.

32.

All arrangements have been made. I will leave New York at 10:00 p.m. for Accra on Thursday, June 6, on Continental Flight 70 to Amsterdam. There, I change to KLM Royal Dutch Airlines 589 leaving Amsterdam at 2:30 p.m. June 7, with arrival in Accra at 7:25 p.m. I am planning on departing Sunday, June 9 on Cross Air 265 leaving at 8:30 p.m. for Zurich.

I will be traveling with one of my associates, I. P. Freely. I am expecting you to meet us at the airport with a limousine. Since I am still trying to avoid Tony the Nose and those pesky questions about my staff, please do not try to identify me by name in the airport. Instead, please have a card prepared with my associates name on it.

I am having J. Nobile Dagget look over the documents and suggest a minor change or two. Will forward them at your request.

33.

Dear Big mac,

I am highly dissappointed by the way and manner you
treated and abused me after my commitment in this
project only to make sure that I meet the need of my
client and also to establish good relationship with
you.I respected you as a man of absolute integrity. In
fact your previous email put my client Mariam Abacha
who has been passing series of psycholgical tuture into
a very terrible state as she was hoping that the money
could be released to her last week at least to have
some respite but your sudden ulterance dashed her
hopes. Even the agreement she asked me to prepare for
the security of her share since you bluntly refused to
disclose your telephone numbers nor to call me, you did
not comment on it instead what you did was to voice our
terrible thing one never expected from you.

Right now, before further action must be taken
concerning this project, I MUST receive 2 appology
letters from you. One for me while the other one shall
be given to my client Mariam Abacha. Until this is done
I am sorry, I do not think I shall continue with you in
this project.

Have a good day!!!

kingsley Williams

34.

I must tell you that I am hurt by your accusations. I have wanted nothing more than the sucessful completion of this project. I have repeatedly asked YOU for information, yet you refuse to provide it. You sent a contract to me. I am prepared to sign it and send it back by any means you choose, but YOU will not answer. I asked YOU for an address, but you didn't provide it. I sent you my schedule for arrival, at great expence to myself, yet you won't acknowledge it.

I feel like you may be the one holding this up. Like Ms. Mariam Abacha, I too have loan sharks to pay off. I fully expected this money by now. Why the holdup. I've done what you asked.

If it's letters of appology you want, heck, I'll send you a BUCKET of appology, with gravy on the side, if that what it takes.

I truly hope that you will be meeting with myself and I.P. Freely when we arrive.

35.

Dear Sir,
Your last email refers.
I am a little bit perplexed by your message. Which
address did you request for that I did not give you?
When was that? I had asked you often time to contact me
on phone or give me your direct phone number and you
refused. How then do you think I should be happy and
believe you are serious in the transaction.

First, I would want you to make your observations
concerning the Mutual Agreement(contract) and get back
to me urgently. You should first of all send it by
scanned mail after perusing the document with
satisfaction I can now give you my direct fax line
where I can receive the signed documents.

Concerning the business, everything is still intact.
The Security Company has written me a letter seeking to
know the reason why we did not honour the invitation
for the signing of the fund scheduled for last week
thursday.Prior to the arrival of the last memo, they
did notify us of the administrative/ handling charges
of US$9,425.00 which must be paid before the signing of
the fund. I was planning to reply their memo today
monday to demand for an extention of time before i
received your flight schedule on saturday.This morning
I have sent one of my colleagues in the office with the
memo seeking their attention for them to attend to us
on saturday 8th June 2002. I put it on saturday based
on your scheduled to fly back on Sunday 9th June.

However, I hope to get the feed back from them this
evening or tomorrow.

AS soon as I receive the their confirmation I shall get
in touch with you but meanwhile go ahead and send the
documents. I am deeply committed to ensuring that this
business is concluded this week by the special grace of
God so that I can have time to attend to other matters
in my office.
Note that, your real name shall be in the agreement
therefore you have to put your real name instead of the
guy name'BIG MAC'

How is everybody in the family? Hope all is fine? By
the way, how old are you? Married or Single? Wife and
how many children or still expecting?

I shall be please to have this information from you in
your next email.

You shall be informed of any development in due course.

Sincerely,

Kingsley Williams

36.

I had wanted your address to send you a little something, but perhaps you can supply me with that later.

I am satisfied with the contract. I need to make a minor change or addition and I'll send it to you tomorrow. Or I could just bring it with me. I picked up new clothes and luggage from the Salvation Army store, so I'm ready to travel.

The administrative charge of $9,425.00 seems a bit high, but you know best. I authorize you to deduct that from the expense funds as indicated on the contract.

As far as myself, I have been successfully married 3 times. In each case, however, my wives met with an unfortunate "accident" and died. On the flip side, I really cashed in on the insurance. Believe me, a little dough-ray-me can brighten ANY day. Perhaps, if I can find a wealthy woman with a bad cough, I'll get married again.

37.

Dear Mac,
Your message is understood.

My address is as follows: 2ND AV. 312 ROAD 
SUITE 512 MAKAY PLAZA
FESTIVAL TOWN 
LAGOS NIGERIA. You can now send whatever thing you wish
to send. 
 Concerning the changes and additional information in
the contract I would like you to do same and send it to
me urgently for approval before getting it ready for
endorsement.

In respect of the administrative/ handling charges, we
are required to pay the fee before the endorsement of
the fund. This is in line with the pact entered by the
depositor (Late Sani Abacha) with the Global security
company. I had already put up the claim and they
informed me that the beneficiary must be responsible
for this charges prior to the signing and the release
of the fund. The PACT was shown to me.
You should understand that we already mapped out 5%
percentage for the settlement of whatever expenses each
party incur in the course of the transfer. Therefore,
you have to keep whatever record of expenses you incur
in this business for you to present it during
disbursement of the fund.

I am happy to inform you that the security company has
granted our application for the Saturday signing of the
fund. Although my colleague came this evening with a
letter from the security company demanding for the
demurrage of the consignment accrued but we over here
shall take care of this.
My client could have taken care of the administrative
charges but she said she had exhausted all her money
especially for the son who is currently serving a jail
sentence in the prison with the Government.

In view of this I advise you to arrange to come down
with the charges for the administrative/handling
charges for us to ensure that everything goes on
smoothly without any hitch.

You should also try to arrange for some corporate gift
items to be given to some of the official that would be
attending to us while signing the fund. This would of
course induce maximum favour and co-operation from the
official for a successful transfer.

Yours faithfully,

Kingsley Williams

38.

I can handle the money and administrative tasks, but I'm concerned about the corporate gifts. I mean, I'm more than happy to get them, but how many?

I have a few ideas. Let me know what's good, as I'm going shopping tonight.

DID THEY FINALLY GET WISE??

39. (APPARENTLY NOT)

Dear Mac,
Thank s for the email. I have conveyed your message to
my client Myriam Abacha and she is very delighted over
your commitment and prays that everything should be
concluded by this weekend by the special grace of God.

Concerning the gift items, I would rather advise you to
go for corporate gift items like, quality wrist
watches, suites, writing pens and cameras. As African
working in corporate organization I am very sure that
they will appreciate it more than what you intended to
buy.

Let me know as soon as possible when everything is
arranged on your side before your departure.

Regards
Kingsley Williams    

40.

Everything is in order. I reviewed the contract and I believe that no changes are needed. I had purchased several cheese logs last night, the kind with nuts on them, but if you feel something else would be better, I'll purchase those instead. Actually, some cameras would be a good idea.

I'll be leaving here later this afternoon for the airport. Please let me know that you will be waiting for me in Accra-Ghana with the sign for my associate, I.P. Freely. It's important because I don't want to miss you when I arrive, as I have no other way to contact you.

41.

Dear Sir,
I am sure you did receive my last email concerning the
corporate gift items that would be better and serves
the purpose.

Do furnish me urgently with the attire you and Mr I P
Freely would put on for easier identification at the
airport. This is very important. If you do not furnish
me with this information it would be very hard for me
to trace you and your associate.And also confirm to me
by email as soon as you leave for the airport. As soon
as you arrive Holland you give me a call to enable me
know that you have departed for Accra-Ghana.

Regards

Kingsley Williams

42.

Thank you for writing. I am leaving for the airport in another 20 minutes. I found several cameras, pens and watches that I hope will be suitable. I still have the cheese logs, just in case. I sure do like those nuts.

We shall be dressed in casual clothes, kakhi pants, dress shirt, brief case and carry-on bags. I am going to Amsterdam, not Holland, so I will try to call you from there. I must tell you though, I don't know the Amsterdamish language, so I'm not sure how to use the phones. I.P. Freely hates to fly, so he'll probably want to go straight to the airport bar. I hope we don't have trouble this time.

You need to have the sign made so I can reqognize you. Please, this is all that I ask. I know I.P., and if he doesn't see his name in Accra-Ghana, he's going to head right to the bar, and then we'll be stuck till he gets plowed. I don't think either of us wants that. It's not a pretty sight. If we see the sign, then we'll know everything is ok. I'll have a small bonus if you have the sign, a new PalmPilot. I think they are great, and it will be the first thing that I.P. Freely gives to the person with the sign, so please be up near the front.

43.

[Note from Kindly Contributor:I may have blown it here. I was not tracking my dates correctly and I told him I was leaving a day early. I can't believe after all this he would pick up on so small a thing as 24 hours. Can't he tell I'm brain damaged?]

Dear Sir,
You have started again with those comments that make me
feel you are not serious with this transaction. How
could you have said you are going to be on casual
clothes, kakhi pants, and dress shirt, brief case
and carry-on bags? Would that make us to recognize you
at the airport? You need to specify the particular
dresses both of you are going to put on including the
colours for easier identification. Do you think that
Africa is like United States? 

Moreover you said you were going to leave for the
airport in the next 20 minutes yesterday while you
wrote me thus: I will leave New York at 10:00 p.m. for
Accra on Thursday, June 6, on Continental Flight 70 to
Amsterdam. There, I change to KLM Royal Dutch Airlines
589 leaving Amsterdam at 2:30 p.m. June
7, with arrival in Accra at 7:25 p.m. I am planning on
departing Sunday,
June 9 on Cross Air 265 leaving at 8:30 p.m. for Zurich.
 With this your conflicting stories nobody know what
you mean by that.

I must be fully updated with your flight arrangement
with convictions before we shall proceed to Ghana to
receive you otherwise there is no business. In view of
this you must confirm urgently ones again your flight
schedule and the exact cloth you and your colleagues
shall enter Ghana with and also the password we shall
use to hug ourselves ones we meet.

I expected you to have shown appreciation in bringing
you into this business but the way you are going about
it is discouraging.

Reply urgently.

Regards
Kingsley Williams

44. June 7: BIG MAC IS INDIGNANT

Your last email troubles me greatly. I believe now the YOU may not be the serious one.

Yes, I was leaving for the airport yesterday. My home is in Illinois, over 1500 miles from New York. What did you think I would do, walk to New York? No, my friend, I left yesterday to travel to my New York office to take care of some matters in this office. How I handle my daily business is my concern and not yours. How dare you question me! I only by chance checked my email and found your insulting and disturbing message.

As far as my clothes, I'm going to be on an airplane for some hours and I will dress on the airplane as I see fit, and as I feel comfortable. I have my clothes and my briefcase with the documents you requested, as well as international money orders. I am prepared to hold up my end.

You requested I come to Ghana. I made the arrangements. My secretary has suggested I stay in the Golden Tulip Hotel in Accra, on Liberation Road. She informed me that the Damba Lounge there has the kind of umbrella drinks I like. With coconuts.

Now I will tell you. When I get to the airport, I expect you to meet my self and I.P. If you do not identify yourself by holding the sign so that I know who you are when I arrive, I will know that you are untrustworthy and I will walk past you. I will not stop for anyone. I will go to the Golden Tulip Hotel, and spend 2 days at their poolside bar. I will have no further contact with you, and you will not receive my gifts, the PalmPilot, cameras, pens, and whatever else I have.

I have dealt with your strange requests to this point Kingsley, and I'm hoping this will work. God's good girls need help and I hope you and I can provide it to them.

I have finished bidness in New York now. I am leaving to have diner at the famous Maison de Casa House restaurant in the city, then I go to the airport to fly out. I hope to see you, but if not.....

45

Dear Mac,
thanks for your email. I was at the airport yesterday
although i was a little bit late due to the late
arrival of my flight to Ghana. Although I told my
lawyer friend to ensure that you guys are picked up
even before my arrival.

Now let me know where you are so that i can meet you. 
Furnish me with these information:
Room number and Names i shall identify you with.

I await your urgent response.

Kingsley.

46

Dear mac,
I have been to the hotel you told me you logded in and
was told that your name is not in their guest list.
What is happening? meanwhile I have tried to meet with
the Security company for today's appointment.
Therefore, do get in touch with me urgently by
furnishing me where you are and how to track you. Give
me your hotel phone number including the number of the
room.

It is very URGENT.

Kingsley Williams

47

Dear MAC,
I am surprised that after all your promises, you ended
up fustrating yourself in this transaction. Anyway such
is life, i only pity my client who had casted all her
hopes on you in this transaction.
 let me tell you that at my level I can not be fooled
for any reason.
I have wasted my time shuttling between Ghana and
Nigeria for the processing of this fund in your favour
you ended up like this . there is no problem I only
have to console my client for another foreigner who
could have this businessconcluded with.

Kingsley

48

NOTE: Sadly, Kingsley never met Big Mac in Ghana. His bitterness is clear, but of course, it's poor Myriam Abacha that's really suffering. And as he notes, he can't be fooled for any reason!

Dear Mr. Williams,

I am a senior law partner in the firm of Dewey, Cheetum & Howe, llc. Our firm has been contacted to handle the business affairs of a Mr. Mac Sandwich.

Mr. Sandwich and a companion, Mr. Freely, were traveling to Africa about two weeks ago. During a stopover in Holland, Mr. Sandwich and Mr. Freely left the airport and entered a "coffee shop" in Amsterdam. There, it seems the two of them ingested some type of narcotic substance.

Upon leaving this establishment, the pair was accosted by some criminals from the United States. Mr. Sandwich owed some gambling debts to an organized crime figure, a Mr. Anthony "Tony the Nose" Strombolli. The two men were beaten rather badly, with Mr. Sandwich having both of his arms and legs broken. Additionally, Mr. Sandwich suffered injury to his uvula from a nutted cheese product.

Having just returned from Holland where I spoke with Mr. Sandwich, I have been given durable power of attorney for him, so I now act for him on his behalf. His instructions to me were to continue this deal with you. I am prepared to do so.

Please contact me soon.

Will Hoseya (Esq.)

49

Dear Sir,
 Information received. Get in touch via phone for me to get a clearer
picture of what you are talking about. As far as Mac Sandwich matter is
concerned in this transaction, i am not convinced of his seriousness to deal
with meand my client. Untill I am convinced about his person I am not too
sure that I can deal with him. This transaction must be done with somebody
who is sincere and trusted. 

Bye for now until I hear from youvia phone. 

Yours faithfully,

Kingsley Williams 

50

51: July 2002, The latest Big Mac update...

52

53

54

55

56

57

58

[We now enter a phase. I need for Agent Charles Wilson of the FBI to call Kingsley. And who better for the job than another lad! Since I get about three letters a week, it doesn't take long to get some help. Enter Dr. Godwin.]

59

[I have to say that in no way do I wish to imply that I have ANY relationship with Fender, other than I love my Fender guitar. It just seemed to be a way that I thought might give Will Hoseya some reason to have a phone number in Africa. I love Fender guitars and amps, so no hate mail, please.]

60

[Dr. Godwin seems to have lost his yahoo account. Too bad.]

61

[ I haven't forgotten Kingsley. But he may have forgotten me.]

62

63

64

[This is where it gets interesting. Will the good Doctor call Kingsley? Will he identify himself as Charles Wilson? Will they try to scam each other? Or will they figure out that they've been scammed?]

that's all so far