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JAMES LYLE juowomi2000@yahoo.com Subject: urgent Good Day,i am intereted in the purchase of your boat for sale i am a dealer based in OHIO,i will like to know the final asking price and also the details of its condition including the pics if available but if not i beleive you will be giving the full description as a honest seller. I will make necessary shipping arrangement. Regards James This made James a bit lazier than most. Usually they cut and paste the actual details of the item for sale into the pre-prepared email. That was too complicated for him, or too much like hard work. "Which Boat" was my two word response. JAMES LYLE Subject: BOAT OR BOATS? HI, DO YOU HAVE MORE THAN A BOAT FOR SALE?IF SO YOU CAN GIVE ME THE LISTS OF THE ONES YOU HAVE AND THEIR RESPECTIVE PRICES. REGARDS. JAMES A quick check in my garage, and of the Caps Lock key, found my boats and a couple that belonged to friends. What the hell, they weren't going to get sold anyway. THE CEO Subject: re: BOAT OR BOATS? Dagger RPM WW spec £425 Method Air c1 £300 Double Dutch Optima "E" Construction £900 Arrowcraft Fury (fatboy build) £300 Touch2 (carbon) £475 JAMES LYLE Subject: Touch2 (carbon) and the Arrowcraft Fury Hello, Thanks for the mail and also for your prompt response,due to customer demand i will like to proceed with the purchase of the Arrowcraft Fury and the Touch2 (carbon) ,so kindly get back to me with the details of their condition and also if the pics are available you can also send them along. I will be expecting to read from you. Regards. James THE CEO Fury is 10.5kg, some repairs around cockpit but in good condition. Touch2 is 8.5kg, final epoxy layer needs applying to bring the boat up to race weight, but in very good condition. Sorry don't have pictures These two boats had cost£225 between them and had both seen better days. Now, unless the state of slalom in Ohio is pretty dreadful this guy didn't have a clue. Also, up till now I'd been playing the "don't waste my time game" with short abrupt e-mails and the minimum of information. OK I'll admit it, I was still trying to finish the final level of Doom3 of "Nightmare" setting so might have been a bit distracted. My sales technique was more than enough for Jimmy Boy. JAMES LYLE Subject: Payment fot the items................ Hello, Thanks for the mail,and also for your prompt response,to secure the purchase i dont mind paying the required price cos i have already informed my customers about it. To ease the transaction,i will instuct a client of mine who is owing me the sum of 4000 pounds in the uk to issue the cheque to you in your name and after the cheque might have cleared i do not know if i can trust you be helping in sending the rest to the shipping company who will be coming over for the pick up as i have some other consignments which the items would be shipped with in the uk also. So furnish me with the name to be written on the cheque and the address where the cheque will be mailed to and your phone number I WILL GET IN CONTACT WITH YOU AS SOON AS I GET REQUESTS FOR THE OTHER ITEMS. I will be expecting to read from you. My best regards to your family. James As a normal customer I'd have been pretty confused by his email. After all, when referring to oneself in writing, a person uses a capital I, not a pain old i. Perhaps he needed to rip me off so that he could afford grammar and spelling lessons, or even a decent speck checker. Then again, if that was an excuse I'd have been a robbing the banks most of my life. As well as questioning his payment methods I thought it was time to start the real wind up. THE CEO Hi James, I'm a bit confused. On one hand you want to give me a cheque for £4000 for two boats that cost £775, yet on the other hand you say "i do not know if i can trust you ." It might be easier if you were to just send me a cheque for £775 for the boats and not have to worry if you can trust me or not. Either that, or I can have the boats shipped over to friends of mine in Scamton near Huntingdon on the West Virginia/Ohio border, where you can pick them up yourself. One the other hand, I can have my chums deliver them as they drive a rig and make deliveries throughout Ohio. If I have to get them shipped over, It would add to the price. Let me know what you think as soon as you can, as I have got someone in the British Team who is very interested in the Touch2. All the best and kindest regards to your family. Scamtown is not a real place in West Virginia, it's a state of mind. But the email seems to panic James a little. Payment methods being at the heart of his scam. [Actually Scamtown is just up the road a piece from Credibility Gap.] JAMES LYLE Subject: re: Payment fot the items................ Hello, Thanks for the mail,acutally the four thousand which i said would be sent to you in the actuall amount he owes me and i am not sure the actuall amount he would issue may be it wouldnt be up to that but i shall let you know as soon as the cheque is sent. Like i made it known to you in my previous mail,the money that would be sent to the shippers is not meant for the shippment of the boats only,the boats are to be shipped together with my consignments in the EUROPE.though i beleive business is all about trust an i needed a WORD OF TRUST FROM YOU and that was why i said it that I DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN TRUST YOU. I will let you know the actuall amopunt sent as soon as the cheque is sent,.so you can send the name to be written on the check and the addredd where the cheque will be mailed to with your phone number. I will be expecting to read from you. My best regards. NOTE that i will want you not to sell the boats to some one else i have already informed my customers about it and to be the highest bidder i wouldnt mind paying 820 pounds for the IT. James I would have got back to him, but I was having trouble utilising the Soul Cube Weapon to kill the final monster in Doom... JAMES LYLE Subject: Urgent............. Hello, Top of the day to you,why have i heardfrom you as regards my previou email? My best regards to your family. James His email raised two questions? Who the F*** says "top of the day to you"? and why does he keep asking about my family? I'm briefly thrown into some minor paranoia that James is actually the spirit of my grandmother and that this whole boat rip-off thing is just a way to distract me from the temptation of those Internet "cheap sluts." Then again, when you haven't slept for 60 hours and have your nose pressed close to the monitor as you try and send evil hordes back to Hell, paranoia seems somehow ... reasonable. THE CEO Subject: Great news Hi james, Sorry I didn't get back to you but I was away over the weekend. You will be pleased to know that I turned down an offer for the Touch2 from none other than Pauly Parrot, our Olympic medallist. He was insistent that it was the right boat for him and offered me a lot more than I was asking, but seeing as I had agreed to sell you the boat I wouldn't budgey. Anyway, the good news is that my friends from Scamton West Virginia have got a container of English candy floss leaving from Liverpool Docks on Monday have and they have space for both of the boats. This means you should be able to get the boats in Ohio within 10 days. They owe me a few favours so have agreed to ship the boats for free and this means that you can have them for £775. The stuff you said about trust in your last e-mail really got me thinking so I'm quite happy for you to pay my mates for the boats when you actually get them. The guys are really cool and do loads of paddling so can probably drop the boats off for you in Ohio. Their names are Justin Ferkov and Andy Dye. All you need to do is send me an address and phone number and I'll get Just Ferkov and Dye to drop round. All the best. N. Fool At this point I figured the game was likely to be up, but I just couldn't help myself. I'd set a 10 day limit until the boats were meant to get to Scamton and I figured that even the dumbest donkey in Donkeytown would have picked up on being told to "Just Ferkov and Dye" Donkeytown, however, must have been having a Special on Dumb Donkeys. JAMES LYLE Hello, Thanks for the mail,and also for your efforts towards the successfulness of this transaction,i am intrigued about the free shippment but what am i suppose to do with the other consignments,you know i made it known to you that the boats would be shipped together with my consignments in the uk,actually the rest of my goods would have been shipped if not for the demand of the boats by a customer. I have containers to be shipped and i have liased with the shippers and they have given me the estimate of the shipping charges.so will like to know if you are still interested in selling the boats to me and if so you can send the name to be written on the cheque and also the address where it should be mailed to with your phone number. Remember i told you in one of my mails that i shall get back to you as soon as i receive offers for any of the boats remaining which could be anytime,it could be after you receive the pyment and then there wouldnt have to be any further negotiation on how the payment would be and you will have to deduct the money from my money. I will be expecting to read from you.Regards James Never one to be subdued by adversity, James was still trying to run the scam on me. Next would have come offers for the remaining boats with lots of pressure to give an address and phone number. Having finally destroyed the evil demons, I had a bit of spare time on my hands so decided to take pity on him. THE CEO Subject: Ferry cross the Mersey Hi James, I'm really sorry to do this to you, but I just found out this morning that my boats never got loaded on the Ferkov and Dye candy floss container. Apparently the bloke Herman I got to deliver them for me got drunk and fell asleep so he ended up missing the Ferry across the Mersey. When i actually managed to speak to him on the phone this morning he had the gall to tell me that "life goes on, day after day. Hearts torn in every way" I'd rip his heart out if I got my hands on him. Bloody Hermit! Anyway, if you still want the boats let me know as they should be back here by this evening. If you don't I completely understand and all I can do is apologise for wasting your time after you had been so trusting, generous and understanding. All the best N. Fool JAMES LYLE Subject: Still Interested.............. Hello, Thanks for the mail,i will like to let you know that i am still interested in the purchase of the boat because i do not want there to be further delay with my shippment and i need to get all deals sealed up as soon as possible. If you are still interested in selling the boats to me you can send the name to be written on the cheque and also the address where the cheque should be mailed to with your phone number. I will be expecting to read from you. Regards. James seems as keen as ever so I arrange a delivery address of a friend who is about to move house. The friend in question hadn't managed to complete Doom3 so was desperate for any hints I could give. THE CEO Hi James, Here are the details you need. For tax reasons the cheque needs to be made out to my business so it needs to be payable to "Mug Punter Ltd" and for the attention of my assistant, Paul Lynch. Address is Paul Lynch House Warrington WA4 *** United Kingdom The final amount should be £775, but seeing as you've been messed around by me, just call it £700. For that you are getting the Touch2 (full carbon) and the Arrowcraft Fury. Boats are ready for pick-up whenever you want N. Fool James emailed back wanting confirmation of the address as well as a phone number. He also felt that my generous offer of knocking £75 off the price of the boats was too generous and insisted that the price remain at £775 (bless him). Not wanting to be harassed by phone I gave him a mobile number that I could divert or change without affecting anything. There were three main reasons to try and get the cheque. Firstly, it would make a nice souvenir, secondly it would cost James £30ish to get it sent by courier from Nigeria (his suspected base) and thirdly, he would be spending time on me rather than ripping off other, ahem, mug punters. JAMES LYLE Hello N. Fool, I got confirmation from my client that the payment will be deliver to you today via ups courier services, i have contacted the shipper about this.like i have told you that the excess of the cheque will be transfer to my shipper that will be coming for the pick,They said you should send the excess funds to them via westernunion money transfer and the money is going to be received by their senior accountant MR JEFF DAVIDS in west africa.Here is the information in which you are going to send the money to the shipper, MR JEFF DAVIDS 23/24 CAMPBELL AVENUE, IBADAN, OYO STATE, 23402 NIGERIA. I will be expecting to read from you very soon. N.B:PLS I WANT YOU TO BE HONESTY WITH THIS TRANSACTION AND I WANT YOU TO ADVISE ME ON HOW THE SHIPPER WILL LOCATE YOUR AREA WHEN COMING FOR THE PICK UP. BEST REGARDS. James also gave me a phone call to confirm the details. He had a nice Nigerian accent, a deep voice and alack of social skills on the phone. He also had a number which showed up as +23 4 01470 4354. A quick check showed it up as a Lagos number. This point is the high pressure point in the transaction for James. He has sent the fake or stolen cheque, has to wait for me to pay it in and then wire the money before the cheque bounces. Real life, however, just got in the way and UPS couldn't seem to find the Warrington headquarters of MUG PUNTER LTD. James started getting tiresome with lots of phone calls and emails wanting to know what was happening. Oddly enough as soon as I sawthe Nigerian number flash up on my phone I let it divert to messaging. (probably costing the scammers a bit of extra cash. JAMES LYLE Hello Paul, Top of the day to you,i got a confirmation that you were suppose to receive the cheque sent to you via UNITED PARCEL SERVICE (UPS) yesterday but unfortunately the courier was unable to locate your address,i will want to proceed to the UPS courier nearest to you first thing tomorrow morning to claim the package. I tried to call you to explain this to you more better but i was answered by an ANSWERING MACHINE. I WILL WANT YOU TO GET BACK TO ME TOMMOROW AS SOON AS YOU MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN AND BANKED THE CHEQUE TOMMOROW MORNING. YOU MAY ALSO SEND ALONG AN ALTERNATIVE PHONE NUMBER TO WHICH YOU CAN BE REACHED. I will be expecting to read from you. My best regards to your family. James. Demanding little fellow! THE CEO Hi James, I need the UPS consignment number or package number to find out which depot it is at. It will be Monday at the earliest before it can be picked up. As far as a separate number goes, the one I have given you is the best number. If it switches to answering service it is because I am either in a meeting, in surgery or in the toilet. Sorry this is taking so long to sort out, but my plastic surgery clinic has been incredibly busy and I am having to do extra sessions at other hospitals. All the best N. Fool All of a sudden I'd become a plastic surgeon which, kinda, suited the Mug Punter name. After a bunch more emails the cheque got delivered andÉit was a fake and a bad one, at that. The clock was ticking. Amid all of this James forgot what he had been telling me and gave me different information for wiring the money. He did this by emailing me as the shipper George Smith. abcshippingcompany@fastermail.com Oddly enough, it was sent from the same computer that James was using. Yeah same James that is in Ohio is shipping his computer all the way to Nigeria so that a shipping company can send one email. GEORGE SMITH Hello, We have been informed by JAMES LYLE about the boat which would be picked up at your location by ending of the week,we will like you to supply us with the following informations, 1 The dimensions of the boat. 2 The location of the boat. 3 The actual time and date when we could be coming over for the pick up. Moreso,we have been instructed to supply you with the informations on how you should be sending us the money,though it has be made known to JAMES that the money should be sent via WESTERN UNION SECURITY. we would want the money to be sent directly to our head office in the name of a cheif accountant with the information below. NAME.............MR KOLA BELLO ADDRESS..........2,SIR WERE CRECSENT,VICTORIA ISLAND LAGOS,23401,NIGERIA. He thinks I have paid the cheque in and am ready to wire the money so my next email subject heading gets his little heart a beating. THE CEO Subject: Western Union Money Transfer Confirmation. Hi James, Just need to confirm the money transfer. Is it NAME.............MR KOLA BELLO ADDRESS..........2,SIR WERE CRECSENT,VICTORIA ISLAND LAGOS,23401,NIGERIA. Or is it MR JEFF DAVIDS 23/24 CAMPBELL AVENUE, IBADAN, OYO STATE, 23402 NIGERIA Let me know as soon as possible as I have withdrawn the cash and just need to wire it. All the best N. Fool He confirms the Kola Belo delivery and is, by now, convinced that I am indeed a Mug Punter. Now comes the moral of the story. When you get a pet puppy, it's for life. When you get a Kitten, it has to last you lots of Christmases. However, when you get a pet Nigerian Scammer you can abuse the hell out of them and toss them aside. James was boring me, didn't do any tricks and I couldn't hit him with a rolled up newspaper. Rather than letting James know that I had him rumbled from day one I decide to act the outraged punter who has nearly been scammed. The language gets a bit more adult. THE CEO Subject: Money sent James, James, James, James, James, You Sir, are a Donkey! Your cheque is fake! According to the police you are emailing me from the same computer as George(I'm a Donkey too) Smith. You have phoned me from a Lagos number(01470 4354) despite telling me you are from Ohio. You are nothing more than a common thief and Allah tells us to cut the hands off thieves. All of your details have been passed on to the police in Nigeria, May your shorts always itch and your children be fat and hairy. All the best..... So that was that. I updated my anti-virus software, got prepared for some abusive calls and sadly mourned the death of my pet. Not so, James wasn't done. Just like a dead goldfish that won't be flushed at a first attempt, he had one more statement to make. JAMES LYLE Hello, Your mail seem embarrassing to me,did you send any money to anyone?i do not understand what you are saying about the cheque,you told me the cheque is cleared already so the what happened again? I will want you to please explaing this to me Regards. Initially I was amazed that he had the gall to reply, but them I worked out what he was trying to do. He wanted to know if he had been rumbled before or after I had wired that big bag of fictitious cash. As a sometime hunter, I didn't need to be asked to take a second shot at him. THE CEO Subject: FUCK YOU AND THE DONKEY YOU RODE IN ON No money sent you are a thief you are not in Ohio The cheque is a fake (as you know) so it wouldn't clear. The police said it is a common scam and you, you { the cursing kicks in again - it involves donkeys } RIP James Lyle. |