ON A MISSION FROM GOD

updated jan 19

Subject: raynaz is at it again...

raynaz productions, INC, presents:

"ON A MISSION FROM GOD"

starring, in order of appearance,

MRS. SYLVIA HATCH, childless, cancer-stricken widow (a pathetic woman)

(we expect her "banker" or "barrister" will be along shortly)

ELWOOD B. & JAKE B. LOOS, musicians

SISTER MARY OLIPHANT, transferred many years ago from St. Thomas Marin parish-school, now runs an orphanage in Chicago

MRS. SYLVIA HATCH Received: from [213.136.126.20]
Date: Tue, 7 Dec 2004 03:30:13
From: sylhatch4@tiscali.it
Subject: From Mrs Hatch.

From: Mrs Sylvia Hatch.
PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO USE IT FOR THE CHILDREN OF GOD.
My name is Sylvia Hatch a nationality of Kuwait, I am married to Mr. Kelvin Hatch who worked with Kuwait embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2001. We were married for eleven years without child. he died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were living togather in good harmony.When my late husband was alive we deposited the sum ofUSD$1.9Million (One Million nine hundred thousand U.S. Dollars) with one of good banks here in COTE D' IVOIRE . Presently, this money is still with the bank.
Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next three months due to cancer problem. Though what disturbs me most is my condition now. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to Ophanage (less previlages)or to an individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here acording to my desire. I needed good and God fearing partner that will use this fund for the helping orphanages, Research centres and widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that grivet. I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband's relatives are not Christians and never loved me for once through out my marriage expereince with my late husband. therefor,I don't want my family hard earned money to be missused by unbelievers.I don't want a situation whereby this money will be used in an ungodly manner. Hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going to. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health as my Medical Doctor advised and because of the presence of my family relatives around me always. I don't want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of My Lawyer who will carry you along side with more information concerning the deposited money in the bank and as well as introducing you to the bank. I will also issue you a letter of authority that will empower you as the partner and the beneficiary of the money. I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd.My happiness is that I lived a life of a aged mother and worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth.Please always be prayerful all through your life. Any delay in your reply will give me room in looking for contact for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act Accordingly as I stated here. Expecting to hearing from you.
Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.
Yours in Christ,
Mrs Sylvia Hatch.

[ Scam-o-ficionados will recognize this as the classic cancer letter.]

ELWOOD B. & JAKE B. LOOS

Dear Mrs. Sylvia Hatch,

It sounds like you are on a "mission from God". My brother Elwood and I would like to help you, we know what it is like to live in an orphanage, and we know first-hand the kinds of problems they have.

What can we do to help you?

Elwood B. Loos and Jake B. Loos

MRS. SYLVIA HATCH

Received: from [213.136.126.20]
Date: Wed, 8 Dec 2004 03:28:45
Subject: From Mrs Hatch.

Dear Elwood and Jake,
I thank you very much for your concern regarding my welfare.I have tried to make my trip to another country to find out myself whom is due to have as a partner in this matter, but I could not go and return back to Africa since my health condition wouldn't let me do so. That is why I choose to search through my means.I got your mail while searching through internet for pastors or churches that can use the money for the work of God. I prayed over this before contacting you for assistance. I know that God will lead me to a trustworthy person. My health problem is what I do not know exactly when it will be "dead". Is not as if am afraid of death because I know where am going to. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord.
My problem is get one who have God's fear in him As you can see human beings are unpredictable specifically, in monetary affairs, somebody might be pretending that he is going to help you, while at the back of his/her mind, he will be nursing another thing. Is not as if am suspecting you.Assist me to get the fund secured from the bank, and I owe it as an obligation to God, to ensure that this fund will not be misused on Godly manner. If you know the kind of assistance you can render kindly extend it to me for God's sake You should understand my condition here with out child. I don't want my husband's hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers, that's the reason why I contacted you for assistance. I will like also after which this money is been transferred into your account. I will also like to come to your country where they have a good hospital with sophisticated equipments to see if I can survive this sickness.
Meanwhile, I always pray to God before taking this decision and I have made up my mind on transferring this money to a Christian who have God's fear in him/her. And I can do that only if you can show up your readiness and trustworthiness to ensure that I have a reputable person who is capable to handle this matter with me and to follow my good instruction. Anyway, I am prepared to follow your idea and advise, any information needed from me will be furnish to you. I want you to set up an account where this money will be transferred into and send me the account information,telephone and fax number. So I can submit it to the bank and introduce you to them as my late husband's partner who is to receive the money into his account and instruct them to carry on the transfer.
In addition Elwood and Jake,Are you from where,what kind of business do you do? I am a nationality of kuwait but right now am here in Cote D' Ivoire west Africa waiting for an appointed time that God will show me the right person to deal with, who have fear of God. I will send you the contact of the bank when next I hear from you for you to contact them after that I will instruct the bank to transfer the fund to your bank account.
Waiting to hear from you upon receipt of this message.Please always pray for me while I will also do the same thing for you and your family. May God help and bless and your family.
Regards,
Yours Mrs Hatch.

[scam-o-note: We think Mrs. Hatch is (a) not named Mrs. Hatch (b) not Kuwaiti (c) probably working in a restaurant in Kuwait until something better comes along. Sheer conjecture on our part of course.]

ELWOOD B. & JAKE B. LOOS

Dear Mrs. Hatch,

I got your mail, and like I wrote to you yesterday, we will help you in your effort to give your late husband's money to orphans. We were raised in an orphanage in Chicago, our parents died when we were little children, and we have had no other parents except the Mother Superior, and Sister Mary Oliphant.
This is why your "mission from God" hits us so close to our life.

Elwood and I live in Chicago, Illinois, where he has a small apartment downtown. I recently moved back with him after living in Joliet, Illinois for several years. We are musicians, but due to some mismanagement, our band had to break up. Elwood is a baker, he specializes in white bread. That's his day job, and it pays the bills until we can get the band back together, and start making some real money. Sister Mary Oliphant asked us to help her save our own orphanage, which is in some dire finances.

I know this is kind of awkward, but I have to ask, when we do help you to get your husband's money, will there be any reward for us, so we can help the nuns at the orphanage where we grew up?

Jake B. Loos

('naz note: Sister Mary Oliphant is patterned (rather) loosely after Cheech&Chong's lovable teacher, "Sister Mary Elephant". But you probably knew that.)

...The "lawyer" is mentioned, but so far has no name. Neither does the "bank" I'm supposed to contact.

MRS. SYLVIA HATCH

Dear Jake.
Thanks for your mail, I have also glanced on themessage. It up to you to know how to do it. Right now I don't have much power to write too much mail to you.Less I forget, there is this thing the bank told me to do.
They said to me that really they have done their investigations and found out that I am the wife of my deceased husband. But that don't stop them of then normal prosedures of rearranging for a nexf of kin. So they told me that before I can give a power talk they can follow and obey, that I need to obtain some vital approvals from some ministries here on my name.
First one is the certificate of fund on my name as the next of kin from the ministry of finance.
Second one is Affidavit from the high court of justice. And then the ecowas bond transfer order. This is requirements that I have to meet up with and I am happy that a lawyer has to come on to assist obtaining all the required documents on my name. The bank promised that once they are in receipt of the needed information I can now have access to my late husbands account and even instruct them to have the money transferred to your account. If you need any information about the bank please let me know, maybe you should call the bank yourself.
Ishall give you the contact of the bank and theaccounting officer whom you can talk to. I still need some information from you, prepar a letter of understanding or agreement because I shall need it.
You can take 20% of the total sum when transferred to your account.
Thanks for your concern.
Sylvia.

ELWOOD B. & JAKE B. LOOS

Dear Mrs. Hatch,

I can understand why the bank would want proof that you were the wife of your deceased husband, but don't you have a marriage license? Any bank I've ever done business with, accepts that as proof of legitimate claim.

Did they have to do a background check on you?

You write that you need some further info from us. What other information do you need from me and Elwood?

You say to call the bank, or contact them, but you didn't tell me the name of the bank, or the accounting officer/person in charge.

If you are able, write soon with this information. Sister Mary was so happy that Elwood and I are helping you, and once she finds out that we will soon have nearly half a million dollars to help save OUR orphanage too, she will be so grateful!

I think she has already told the Mother Superior (Mother Tucker) and our parish Priest (Father Thyme) about me and Elwood helping you on your "mission from God".

Jake B. Loos
Today's missive, sent twice...

MRS. SYLVIA HATCH

Received: from [213.136.97.237]
Date: Fri, 10 Dec 2004 08:02:59 (and 08:04:04)

Subject: Re: From Mrs Hatch.

Dear Jake.
Thanks again for your mail. The bank have done the checking on me that is why they are responding to me. And that is why they asked me to obtain some approval to prove my genuity and that is the banking mode of operation here. I have to obtain certain bonds on my name as the wife and the next of kin before they can release the account on my name. These are the information theyneed from me.
Please once I am through with what arrangement I am making here I shall let you know but always write me and acknowledge my messages to you. God bless you and say me hello to all our family over there. God is able. Sylvia.

Mrs. Hatch,

ELWOOD B. & JAKE B. LOOS

This is Elwood. I'm writing to acknowledge your mail from this morning, because Jake went to get some fried chicken--man, does that guy love fried chicken! I once saw him eat 4 fried chickens! That was some sight to see! He should be home right after he goes to Ray's House of Music to see about instruments for our band.

Great news! Father Thyme is going to change his Sunday sermon! He decided to give the message on the importance of sharing our gifts with the orphans under the care of Sister Mary Oliphant and Mother Tucker.

He is so excited about your mission to bring aid to orphans in your part of the world, that he is going to start a fund with the money you are going to give us, and Father will do his best to get other parishioners to contribute to it. We have some pretty wealthy people

When you wrote to Jake and asked for his help in recovering your husband's money, I'll bet you never thought you would start something like this. Thanks to your request for help, we now have our own "mission from God"

Father Thyme has even suggested that we name the project, "Operation Sylvia" in your honor. In case you die from your cancer before you can see what good your ideas have caused, your legacy will live on in the hearts of the people in St. Belushi parish.

Hoping to hear from you soon,

Elwood B. Loos

Haven't heard from Sylvia in a few days...

...So Elwood sends out an urgent plea...

ELWOOD B. & JAKE B. LOOS

Dear Mrs. Hatch,

I have to write to tell you what has happened to Jake. This is Elwood again.

Remember I told you Jake went to get some fried chicken, then was going to Ray's House of Music to see about instruments for our band? Something happened that could not have been foreseen or predicted.

It seems that after Jake got some chicken from Matt Murphy and his wife, who says she has "the best damn fried chicken in town", Jake went to see Ray, but he found out that Ray had moved to Calumet City, where he had to change the name of his store to "Ray's Music Exchange" (there already was one HOUSE OF MUSIC there, so he had to change his name). I'm getting to the point here.

Anyway, Jake tripped over a drum set, and fell headlong into a Christmas display of kazoos and xylophones, and did a lot of damage to them, about $2,500.00, which he couldn't pay, so the local cop, Sargeant Stedanko took him to jail. There he sits, waiting for me to bail him out. I only have a couple of hundred dollars, and thebail moneyis $750, so could you please send me $500 to cover Jake's bail? I will be anxiously waiting your reply and your help.

I know this is a huge favor to ask, but maybe you could take it out of your late husband's fortune, and call it an expense of the transaction? Otherwise, I will have to wait to bail Jake out of jail until I can raise the rest, which will take a few weeks. Then we can continue our "mission from God", you on your side of the world, and us on our side.

Remember the orphans!

Your friend, Elwood B. Loos

('naz note: You will, of course, remember another beloved Cheech&Chong character, Sgt. Stedanko.)
...Well, Mrs. Hatch wrote (same 1st scam-letter) again, then nothing for 2 weeks...

MRS. SYLVIA HATCH

Received: from xeon.csucs.hu ([193.109.252.3])
Reply-To: sylhatch@csucsposta.hu
Date: Tue, 28 Dec 2004 16:42:46
Subject: From Mrs Hatch.

PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO USE IT FOR THE CHILDREN OF GOD.
My name is Sylvia Hatch a nationality of Kuwait, I am married to Mr. Kelvin Hatch
...yadda yadda, same letter as before...

Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.please kindly concat me with this email address for my easy accessing(sylhatch3@tiscali.it)
Yours in Christ,
Mrs Sylvia Hatch.

ELWOOD B. & JAKE B. LOOS

Dear Mrs. Sylvia Hatch,

I am interested to know why you are sending me the same mail as you did a few weeks ago. Did you give up on us, because you hadn't heard from us?

If you remember, Jake was arrested at Ray's Music Exchange, and I had to bail him out, I had to borrow a little money from a friend, but everything's OK now. I was a bit "short" on money as I bought some presents for the kids at Sister Mary's orphanage, but now that I have been paid, I was able to bail out Jake. His fine was paid, and Ray is happy.

I hope your cancer condition isn't going to prevent us from accomplishing your very noble effort for the Children of God. Both Jake and I are willing to help you, if you will still have us.

Elwood B. Loos

Lo, and behold, this morning, we get mail from Mrs. Hatch, who talks of a banker...

MRS. SYLVIA HATCH

Received: from [213.136.97.203]
Date: Wed, 12 Jan 2005 12:53:18
Subject: From Mrs Hatch.

Dear Jake B. Loos,
Good day, I greet you in Jesus name. How are you today hope the almighty God is in control? I just want to know what is going on, its been long I heard from you concerning helping me in this matter. As you can see I don't want to lose this money I really want to use it for the work of God helpingthe orphans,widows and to see if I can survive this sickness. Is my health problem is what I don't know what to do or when it will be (dead) but I believe in God and have faith in him.
Please I really need your help in this matter I just want you to stand as the beneficiary of the money and to promise me that your going to use the money the way am going to instruct you. But if you know that you can not be of a help kindly tell me so that I will start looking for another person who can assist me in this matter.
Please all I needed most is your prayers. As you know that the banker know you as the beneficiary of the money. If you are no longer interested in helping me kindly write a letter of withdrawer to the bank to enable me get another person to assist me. I will be
looking forward hearing from you soon. May the almighty God bless you and your family members.
Regards,
Mrs Hatch.

ELWOOD B. & JAKE B. LOOS

Dear Mrs. Hatch,

This is Elwood again. I'm glad you wrote today, I finally got the bail money to release Jake, and he was released a couple weeks ago.

When I drove him home, he asked about you, and I told him that you had contacted us again, and he was very anxious to continue trying to help you. Then we didn't hear from you again. We need to find out from you how far along you are in the deal, and how soon we'll be able to get everything straightened out, so you can continue your mission from God.

Please write back and let us know. We are very concerned about your condition, too, and hope you're feeling OK.

Your friends, Elwood and Jake Loos

more to come?

scamorama
subscribe!