Mon, 6 Oct 2003 12:03:43 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP
X-Originating-Ip: [217.194.154.75]
Attn:Sir/Madam
URGENT AND STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL. Do not be suprised to receive a mail of this nature from a stranger. I am MR. ISAAC BAMU an indigene and free born of Democratic Republic of Congo.I served aAs a paramilitary staff in the past military administration of President Laurent Kabilla who was assassinated recently in Kinshasa by one of his body guards.I worked as personal assistant to Kabilla. I was also the person in charge of his private investment.
Immediately president Kabilla died, I went into one of his underground safes and discovered A TRUNK BOX containing defaced U.S DOLLAR BILLS amounting to $20M (TWENTY Million US Dollars only).With the assistance of my brother,I deposited the box in a security company overseas as personal valuable for safe keeping. BLAH BLAH
My request therefore is for you to assist me in redeeming the money fron the security company BLAH BLAH BLAH
Yours faithfully.
MR.ISAAC BAMU
Captain Pike responds:
Mon, 6 Oct 2003 12:41:21 -0700 (PDT)
Dear Mr. Isaac Bamu, This is a strange story. Defaced US currency? How can defaced US currency be of any value?
I'm somewhat skeptical, but would like to hear more details.
regards,
Captain Christopher Pike
Isaac Bamu
Wed, 8 Oct 2003 03:39:12 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: THANK YOU
X-Originating-Ip: [217.194.154.75]
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
I thank very much as you have aggreed to assist me to collect the said fund.In the first place all you need to do for me now is to send your telephone/fax number and your residential address.In addition to this i will forward this information to the Attorney for documentation,and i will disclose to you the country where this money is lodge(i mean where this TRUNK BOX is deposited And the name of the security company, the name of the Director and his tel/fax number. Please i want you to hasten up so that you will collect the fund. I look forward to be hearing from you on recepts of this mail.
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU
Captain Christopher Pike
Wed, 8 Oct 2003 12:32:57 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Re: THANK YOU
Dear Mr. Isaac Bamu:
I have carefully considered your proposal.
For a transaction of this nature, we need to make sure that it remains confidential, and that operational security is invoked.
We need to adopt codephrases, you and I. Yours will be "NO TENGO COJONES", which is Spanish for "No Dancing Inside". Mine will be "TENGO GRAVITAS", which is Spanish for "Dancing Heavy". When communicating with each other, whether it is via telephone or email, use "NO TENGO COJONES" when you start your message. "COJONES" is pronounced "Coe-hoe-nees" when you speak it.
Second, I need to have proof of who you are. This proof should be in the form of a photograph.
In this photograph, you need to hold up a sign, that says "NO TENGO COJONES". That way, I will know that you received this message, and that it is really you.
When you send me your photograph, I will then provide you with a phone number so that we can execute this transaction.
Please make every effort to make the photograph, and DO NOT FORGET to use your code phrase when writing me. Otherwise, the deal is off.
TENGO GRAVITAS
Captain Christopher Pike
Isaac Bamu
Thu, 9 Oct 2003 01:15:19 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: I WILL SCAN MY PHOTO TO YOU.(NO TENGO COJONES)
X-Originating-Ip: [217.194.154.75]
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
I thank you for your reply to my message,i am very happy to the new development you introduce and i will scan the picture to you in no time,i hope its okay by you.
However please i want you to keep this transaction to yourself so that knowbody will know what is between us,and as for me all is seal on my own side.Keep it to yourself thank you and God bless us.
Best regards MR ISAAC BAMU.
Captain Christopher Pike
Thu, 9 Oct 2003 19:53:48 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: TENGO GRAVITAS
Dear Mr. Isaac,
I agree to keep this transaction confidential.
Please note that since I am in the Service to the Fleet, I am willing to maintain confidentiality.
Thank you very much.
best regards,
Captain Christopher Pike
Isaac Bamu
Fri, 10 Oct 2003 01:06:57 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: THANK YOU AND I WILL SEND THE SHOW (TENGO COJONES)
X-Originating-Ip: [217.194.154.75]
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
Good day and how are you today,i saw your mail of 9/10/03 and i understand every thing you said, however i am praying very well that we shall meet each other and you will know the type of person i am and i will as well know you in person.
Regarding the photo you mentioned in your mail before this very mail i make clear to you that i am very busy in the office now i will make sure that by monday or tuesday i must send it to you,i think my international passport will be ideal,or if you prefer ordinary photo.Thank you and remain blessed
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU
Isaac Bamu
Mon, 13 Oct 2003 02:33:24 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: ATTACHED IS MY PHOTO COPIES OF MY INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT TENGO COJONES
X-Originating-Ip: [217.194.154.75]
Dear Captain Chrsitopher Pike Good day today and how are you i wrote you on the 10th of oct 03 but till now you did not replied me.I asked you if you need my photo or my international passport,since i can not hear from you i have decided to scan and send you my international passport.Please my good friend can you send the information to me immediately to me so that we will finish this transaction before the end of this month.
More importantly i am pleading that you should send this please thank you and God bless.
Best regards
MR ISAAC BAMU
Isaac Bamu
Tue, 14 Oct 2003 01:36:51 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: TENGO COJONES
X-Originating-Ip: [217.194.154.75]
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
Good day,how are you today.I want to know if you have received the attachment i send to you. Thank you and God bless.
MR.ISAAC BAMU.
Captain Christopher Pike
Tue, 14 Oct 2003 12:26:59 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: TENGO GRAVITAS
Dear Mr. Isaac Bamu,
I did receive your earlier communications, but did not respond to them because you failed to use the code phrase "NO TENGO COJONES".
Also, you did not provide a photograph of you holding up a sign with the codephrase on it.
A transaction of this nature requires following instructions to the letter.
Since you did not follow instructions, and have not used your proper codephrase, I have lost confidence in your ability to be involved in a transaction of this nature.
This deal is now off.
Sincerely,
Captain Christopher Pike
TENGO GRAVITAS
Isaac Bamu
Thu Oct 16 00:59:43 2003
Subject: PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND LET US CONTINUE(NO TENGO COJONES)
X-Originating-Ip: [217.194.154.75]
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
Good day and how is everything with you overtherewell i saw your mail and i asked you if you needed my international passport or my full photo but you never replied me and that is why i decieded to scan you my international passport which i feel is very important in a transaction like this.My good friend you made mentiond of photograh holding up a sign with the codephrasei am very sorry as i did not understand you very well. Regarding the codephrase i will follow every bit of your instructionsplease i'very sorry could you e-mail me and explain to me on what to do next so that we can finish this transaction immediately without any delay as you know that time is not on our side.Thank you and God bless.
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU(NO TENGO COJONES)
Captain Christopher Pike
Sun, 19 Oct 2003 22:36:52 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: You are forgiven (TENGO GRAVITAS)
Dear Mr. Isaac Bamu,
TENGO GRAVITAS.
Please forgive my delay in replying....I needed a few days to decide whether or not to give you another chance.
It is very important in a transaction of this nature that we both have the ability to keep things secret, thus the use of codephrases. It's also important that we understand each other.
I now want TWO photographs from you.
One photograph is to be of you, holding up a sign that says your codephrase, which is NO TENGO COJONES.
For the second photograph, I want a photo of at least five people holding up a sign that says CAPTAIN PIKE FAN CLUB. You do not have to be in this photo, though if you are it will help me to have confidence in you. You don't have to tell the other people why I want this photograph.
You can tell them that you have a friend in North America named Captain Pike, and that you're doing this as a favor to him. Or, you can tell them that there really is a Captain Pike Fan Club that you're forming. Or you can tell them something else.
I am asking for two photographs because I really need to know that you are trustworthy and reliable.
Once you provide the photographs, I will provide you with a telephone number where I can be reached.
Please make every effort to provide these photographs as requested.
best regards,
Captain Christopher Pike
TENGO GRAVITAS
Isaac Bamu
Tue, 21 Oct 2003 01:21:08 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: MY FRIEND I WILL SEND THE INFO AS SOO AS POSSIBLE(NO TENGO COJONES)
X-Originating-Ip: [217.194.154.75]
Dear Christopher Pike,
Good day my good friend i saw your mail and i understood every bite of your mail.Its very important to understand each other in a transaction like this,i have contacted my friends that we will be organising a small party through which i will obtain there photograph and i will also include my own photo.Hopefully everything get to be ready by God grace before the end of this week and my friend please i want you to hasten up as soon as you get this photos so that we can conclude this transaction on or before the christmas holiday.
Moreso i will disclose the name of the director of the security company his tel/fax number,i am getting you all your needed for the transaction to move smoothly.May our Almighty God bless us.
I will send you the photos thank
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU.
NO TENGO COJONES
Isaac Bamu
Thu, 23 Oct 2003 08:40:26 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: ATTACHED IS THE PICTURE(NO TENGO COJONES)
X-Originating-Ip: [217.194.154.75]
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
Good day my good friend, how are you today.Yes i have gotten all you needed from me and please send your particulars to me immedaitely so that we can finish this transaction on or before the Christmas holiday.I include my friends pictures and my personnel photograph,i am waiting for your reply thank you and God bless us. Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU(NO TENGO COJONES)
Note from Captian Pike: there were two photographs, but NO signs! Time to get the Federales involved..
Captain Christopher Pike
Thu, 23 Oct 2003 12:54:33 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: TENGO GRAVITAS
Dear Mr. Isaac Bamu,
The two photographs have been received without complication. I am now ready to provide you with a phone number where I can be reached.
First, it is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT that you use your CODE PHRASE when you are communicating with me.
Second, I am currently on assignment in Mexico, where Spanish is the primary language. My secretary will answer the phone, and it is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT that you PROPERLY PRONOUNCE your codephrase when you call. When she hears the codephrase, she will know that the call is important, and she will then put you through, but you must use the codephrase NO TENGO COJONES.
Here is how you pronounce your codephrase:
NO is the same, in both Spanish and English. Pronounce it "NO".
TENGO is pronounced how it looks, TEN and GO....TENGO.
COJONES is a difficult word...the "J" in Spanish is equivalent to the "H" in English.
CO-JO-NES, when pronounced, will sound like "CO HOE KNEES". The "NES" is like the English word "KNEES". You know what knees are, right? Most people have two of them.
Remember, NO TENGO CO-HOE-KNEES!
The number for you to call is +52 664 682 5285.
Please remember to pronounce COJONES properly. If my secretary does not understand you, your call will NOT go through.
good luck!
Captain Christopher Pike
TENGO GRAVITAS
(note: the phone number is for the Mexican Federal Police, the "Federales", in Tijuana Mexico!!)
Captain Christopher Pike
Fri, 24 Oct 2003 12:25:04 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: TENGO GRAVITAS
Hey Isaac,
I still haven't heard from you!
Is the deal off?
Isaac Bamu
Mon, 27 Oct 2003 09:07:35 -0800 (PST)
Subject: PLEASE CAPTAIN CHRISTOPHER PIKE SEND THIS IMMEDIATELY SO THAT WE CAN FINISH THIS BUSINESS ON TIME.(NO TENGO COJONES)
X-Originating-Ip: [67.72.98.110] ------------new IP!
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
Good day and how are you today,i am very sorry that i did not reply your mail,Reference to your question if the business is finish its not finish at all.I thank you for your effort so far,in my previous mail i requested from you to send me your telephone and fax number plus your residential address so that i will forward them to the Attorney/Lawter who will effect the change of my name to your name as the beneficiary of the fund.Please kindly send this information to me immediately so that we can be able to finalize this transaction on or before the christmas holiday.
You said that you are on assignment on Mexico sorry for my question can you tell me where you come from so that i will know as i told you that i am from Congo here in East Africa,although what i needed from you now is your Residential address and your fax nimber only as time is not on our side thank you and God bless you.I await your reply.
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU.(NO TENGO COJONES)
Captain Christopher Pike
Mon, 27 Oct 2003 11:36:31 -0800 (PST)
TENGO GRAVITAS:
Dear Mr. Isaac Bamu,
You are correct in assuming that I am in Mexico on assignment. I will be here in Mexico for the next several months, thus my residence is here.
Please call me as described in the original message below. When you call, I will provide you with my residence address and contact information
Please follow the instructions below TO THE LETTER. No one gets past my secretary without the codephrase.
thanks,
Captain Christopher Pike
(note: I pasted my message of 23 October here)
Isaac Bamu
Tue, 28 Oct 2003 10:53:43 -0800 (PST)
Subject: EXPECT MY CALL (NO TENGO COJONES)
X-Originating-Ip: [217.194.154.75]
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
I saw your mail of and all is fine with me i will be calling you by friday or saturday because i am very busy in the office.I would have submitted the information to the Attorney or Lawyer for the change of my name to your name so that you can collect this TRUNK BOX,surposeing you gave me the residential addrsee but as you said i should call you i will try and see what i can do to make sure that i call you.My good friend i am so worried that this transaction is taking time please i would be very happy if you can give this transaction more attention please.
More impotantly i am begging you for God sake to put more effort on this transaction so that i will come over there and invest my share of the fund in your country. Thank you and expect my call may God bless you
MR.ISAAC BAMU(NO TENGO COJONES)
Captain Christopher Pike
Thu, 30 Oct 2003 06:22:48 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Re: THANK YOU AMD EXPECT MY CALL (NO TENGO COJONES)
Dear Mr. Isaac Bamu,
TENGO GRAVITAS.
Yes, I did get your mail, and I am waiting for your call.
Thanks for your hard work with your attorney. I'm looking forward to our telephone conversation.
Please remember to use the code phrase NO TENGO COJONES or you will not get through.
thanks,
Captain Christopher Pike
Isaac Bamu
Sat, 1 Nov 2003 01:20:33 -0800 (PST)
Subject: MY FRIEND WHAT HAPPENED I CALLED YOU BUT EACH TIME YOUR SECRETARY CARRY THE PHONE THEY WILL DROP(NO TENGO COJONES)
X-Originating-Ip: [217.194.154.75]
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
Good day Captain how are you today,my friend i spent all my time yesterday calling you and i mentioned the codephrase NO TENGO COJONES but each time your secretary carry the phone he will just drop the phone, i can not understand what was wrong yesterday.Please those it mean you where not in the office as at 2pm till 3 pm i am waiting for your reply so as to know how i will approch the Attorney on the residential address because it is very important that the address must be on the agreement form that i will send to you and acopy will go to the security company and the Attorney will keep one with him for record purpose.
My friend everything is on your hand now please i am pleading to you tosend the address for so that we can finish this transaction as soon as possible.
Thank you and God bless.
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU (NO TENGO COJONES)
Captain Christopher Pike
From Captain Christopher Pike Sun Nov 2 18:59:45 2003
Sun, 2 Nov 2003 18:59:45 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Re: MY FRIEND WHAT HAPPENED I CALLED YOU BUT EACH TIME YOUR SECRETARY CARRY THE PHONE THEY WILL DROP(NO TENGO COJONES)
TENGO GRAVITAS
Dear Isaac Bamu,
You said you called at 2:00 PM? 3:00 PM? Was this the time in Mexico?
My office is in Tijuana Mexico, which is in the Pacific time zone. That makes it eight (8) hours behind Greenwich Mean Time (GMT).
A secretary is on duty 24 hours a day, and we have six secretaries....three handle the phone Monday through Friday, and another three handle it on the weekend.
I have to go out in the field the next few days to supervise field operations training. I will be back on Wednesday. I will see if I can use my laptop to access the internet via satellite.
Meantime, tell me what TIME of day in GMT that you're trying to call.....it's best that it's daytime in Mexico when you call me, but if that's not convenient then let me know what time you would like to call, and I'll instruct the secretary on duty for that shift that I have a CODEPHRASE call coming in.
TENGO GRAVITAS
regards,
Captain Christopher Pike
It is my pleasure to provide you with the following update to "Keeping up with the Cojones", or "Pike Likes Ike".
Yep, he called the Federales again!
I'm sure there'll be more after this.....
BEEP!! BEEP!!
Captain Pike
Isaac Bamu
Tue, 4 Nov 2003 08:25:19 -0800 (PST)
Subject: PLEASE KINDLY EMAIL THE ADDRESS TO ME
X-Originating-Ip: [217.194.154.75]
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
Its a pleasure writing you this mail,how are you over there i'okay here but is only that this business is delaying.I have been with the Attorney about the documentation,which advises that your residential address must be on theDEPOSIT CERTIFICATE and ON THE AGGREENMENT which you will use to collect the TRUNK BOX.I am pleading if you can email me the address so that i will submitt to the Attorney for the change of my name to your name as the beneficiary.
My good friend i need this address for the Attorney to write the security company informing them that you are the beneficiary.Pease my good friend time is not our friend.Thank you and god bless you.
Best regards
MR ISAAC BAMU(NO TENGO COJONES )
Captain Christopher Pike
Wed, 5 Nov 2003 11:42:54 -0800 (PST)
Dear Mr. Isaac,
TENGO GRAVITAS.
I do not understand why you are concerned over this business delaying. I provided you my phone number on 23 October, and you waited eight days, until the 31st, to call!
I have told you that I will give you my address over the phone. I am concerned that if my personal information goes out over the internet, that some hacker will intercept it, and that he will know the codephrase. Once he has the codephrase, he will then call me, and take over from there. He will pretend to be you, and he will somehow figure out a way to steal this money from both of us.
What time of day did you call? I asked you that question in my last email. I looked at the incoming call logs when I got back this morning, but I do not know where to look since I do not know WHAT TIME you called.
I have talked to all of the secretaries, one by one, to ask them if anyone tried to call with the codephrase. For security reasons, all calls to me go through a secretary, who will only put the caller through to me who knows the codephrase.
It's possible that one of the secretaries forgot the codephrase. It's also possible that when he put the phone down, he went to go get me, and that you hung up when I got back. You might have thought that he dropped the phone, when all he really did was to put you on hold so that I could be located.
Please send me an email, telling me WHAT TIME you will call, and on WHAT DAY. Please try to call when it is DAYLIGHT in Mexico. I am not in the office at night.
Also, you have my permission to give my telephone number to your attorney, and your attorney has my permission to call me. Make sure that your attorney uses the codephrase NO TENGO COJONES or he will NOT get through.
Make sure your attorney pronounces the codephrase NO TENGO CO-HOE-KNEES.
Please do not be discouraged, I am sure that if we persevere, we will have a successful transaction of business.
Do not give up, my friend!
TENGO GRAVITAS
best regards,
Captain Christopher Pike
Isaac Bamu
Thu, 6 Nov 2003 10:00:07 -0800 (PST)
Subject: THANK YOU FOR YOUR MAIL I WILL CALL YOU TOMORROW.
X-Originating-Ip: [217.194.154.75]
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
Good day and how are you i would have call you today but for the fact that i did not book the appointment so that you will instruct your secretary to be aware however i will be calling you tomorrow 7 pm my local time.Thank you and God bless you.
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU.
Captain Christopher Pike
Thu, 6 Nov 2003 10:09:43 -0800 (PST)
Dear Mr. Isaac Bamu,
TENGO GRAVITAS
How does your local time relate to GMT? Are you still in the Congo?
I need to know this information so that I will be available.
Also, DO NOT FORGET to USE THE CODEPHRASE. You have no idea how important that is in maintaining operational security.
Thanks,
Captain Christopher Pike
Captain Christopher Pike
Fri, 7 Nov 2003 13:36:45 -0800 (PST)
Dear Mr. Isaac Bamu,
TENGO GRAVITAS.
Did you make the phone call? I was in my office here in Tijuana at 10:00 AM my time, expecting your call. I think the secretary answered the phone a few times, but may not have put the call through. Did you remember to use the codephrase NO TENGO COJONES?
Did you properly pronounce the codephrase?
If you were not able to get through, please write me, and I will send you my residential address. I need your promise that you will keep my residential address here in Mexico MOST CONFIDENTIAL.
I am not sure, but I think I am having a problem with the secretary. If you can not get through, please let me know, and I will send you my residential address via email.
TENGO GRAVITAS.
Captain Christopher Pike
Isaac Bamu
Mon, 10 Nov 2003 04:55:39 -0800 (PST)
Subject: THANK YOU AS I EXPECT YOUR REPLY
X-Originating-Ip: [217.194.154.21]
Dear Captain
Good day my brother how are you today i hope all is well aith you,what happened that friday,i called you sevral times but your secertary will call the phone and i always call the aodephrase and they will drop so my brother i will be happy if you can release the address for and i promise to keep it confidential.Thank i expect to here from you.
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU.
Captain Christopher Pike
Mon, 10 Nov 2003 09:06:46 -0800 (PST)
Dear Mr Isaac Bamu,
TENGO GRAVITAS
I hope that you are doing well today, my friend and brother!
One important note: you MUST remember to use your CODEPHRASE in the emails! I almost deleted your last email without reading it. I am concerned about operational security so you must remember to use your CODEPHRASE for your email as well.
I am really disappointed in the way my secretary has handled your phone calls. He reported that someone did try to call with the codephrase, but that the person did not pronounce it properly. I think the secretary expects people to pronounce Spanish perfectly, but that is no excuse for holding up a phone call because not all foreigners, including myself, pronounce all Spanish words properly. I think that I need to find a new secretary. Unfortunately, the nature of my assignment here does not always allow me to choose the people who work with me.
Anyway, here is my residential address:
Avenida de los Maricones #69
Colonia Chichis Muchas Grandes
Tijuana, BC, Mexico
Please tell your attorney to keep this information STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL. I don't want this information available for all the world to see.
By the way, a friend of mine in San Diego is an attorney.....he can help us with this transaction if the need arises. Don't worry, I won't tell him about the huge sum of money. I'll tell him that this has something to do with my assignment here in Mexico.
This may be to our advantage if you need to pass a voice message to me since my attorney speaks English. He also speaks Spanish, so he's able to use the codephrase to call me when he needs to.
Please remember to USE YOUR CODEPHRASE in your emails! It is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT that you use this with every email and phone call.
thanks,
Captain Pike
[note: of course it's a fictitious address!]
Isaac Bamu
Tue, 11 Nov 2003 01:25:44 -0800 (PST)
Subject: PLEASE MY BROTHER I NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU SOONEST (NO TENGO COJONES)
X-Originating-Ip: [217.194.154.21]
Dear Captain Pike
Thank you for your mail i am impressed over what you wrote,i am sorry that i did not include the code phrase in the mail i send to you.My brother i will advise you never to inform your Attorney because i have taken an Attorney to handle this transaction.In fact my Attorney siad you are going to travell to collect this TRUNK BOX since my boss will not allow me to travell.And my brother i feel it is not ideal for you to be publising this transaction because you don't know who is who,the person you think is your best friend may be your worst enemy.
However i thank you for the address you send to me and i promise you that i and the Attorney will never give out your address out since you have agree to assist me to collect this TRUK BOX that contain the $20m.My brother please my Attorney will effect the change of my name on the DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE,LETTER OF AUTHORITY AND THE AGREEMENT FORM which will be send to you as soon as the document is ready and you to travell to the collect this box where it is deposited.Thank you and God bless you.
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU.(NO TENGO COJONES)
Captain Christopher Pike
Tue, 11 Nov 2003 15:27:08 -0800 (PST)
Dear Mr. Isaac Bamu,
TENGO GRAVITAS
Are you sure that you do not want my attorney to help? I have known him for several years, and I can assure you from the bottom of my heart that he is indeed a trustworthy person. He doesn't need to know anything about the money in the trunk box. I'll tell him that there's nothing but old newspapers in it, and that we need the trunk box so that we can recycle the newspaper.
Where is the country that this trunk box is located in? When is your attorney going to want me to travel? I need as much advance notice as possible, so that I can plan my schedule accordingly.
Too bad about your boss not letting you travel. Why don't you make up some story about why you need to travel? I think your boss is a son of a bitch. You should tell him that.
I've got my own set of problems here too. There's this young upstart named James T Kirk who wants my job. He really thinks he's hot stuff. He goes around from place to place, with a bunch of men in red shirts as a "security team". He takes them around, and then sends them into these places that he's too afraid to go to. If any of them get killed, he goes back to his office and yells at his chief medical officer. He also yells at his chief engineer. I tell you, the man doesn't even remember the names of those guys in the red shirts who get killed. These guys in the red shirts don't last very long....the job turnover is pretty high.
I sure as hell hope that we can get our hands on the money. I have a feeling that this James T Kirk would like to see me paralyzed from the neck down, unable to speak and being barely kept alive by a black box with flashing lights on it that goes "BEEP" all the time.
By the way, I will not be answering my email this coming Friday until Monday. I have to go out in the field again. We lost a ship in this place called Talos IV, and we need to go out and find out what happened to it.
We don't leave until Friday, so I'll be available to answer my email tomorrow and the next day.
Are you really sure you don't want my attorney to help?
regards,
Captain Pike
Isaac Bamu
Thu, 13 Nov 2003 09:10:22 -0800 (PST)
Subject: PLEASE GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY (NO TENGO COJONES)
X-Originating-Ip: [217.194.154.75]
ATTN;CAPTAIN,
THIS IS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF YOUR MAIL WHICH EVERYTHING IS WELL NOTED,INFACT I HAVE TRIED MY BEST TO TRAVEL WITH YOU BUT MY BOSS STILL REFUSE ME FROM TRAVELLING,WELL I WILL LEAVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THE TRAVELLING TO YOU TO HANDLE,ACCORDING TO MY ATTORNEY ,THE SECURITY COMPANY IS IN HOLLAND WHERE THE BOX IS DEPOSIT,SO WITH THIS YOU HAVE TO ARRANGE YOURSELF ON WHEN YOU ARE GOING TO TRAVEL DOWN FOR THE CLAIM ON MY BEHALF.
MY ATTORNEY WILL BE SENDING YOU THE DOCUMENTS WHICH SHOW THAT I HAVE GIVING YOU THE POWER TO CLAIM THE CONSIGNMENT ON MY BEHALF FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY.
THE NAME OF MY ATTORNEY IS BARRISTER RICHARD AMODU AND CHAMBERS,IN CASE IF YOU HEAR FROM HIM EITHER BY CALL OR E-MAIL, MAIL ME BACK FOR UP DATING,AS THINGS IS MOVING NOW,IS LIKE WE ARE ALMOST CLOSE THE CONCLUSION OF THE TRANSACTION BECAUSE ONCE MY ATTORNEY GIVE YOU THE CONTACT OF THE SECURITY COMPANY THEN YOU CALL THEM AND SHEDULE YOURSELF ON HOW TO MOVE DOWN TO HOLLAND.
GOD IS ON OUR SIDE,SOON WE WILL BE TOGETHER AND CELEBRATE IMMEDIATELY YOU CLAIM THE BOX OUT FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY. PLEASE DONT TELL YOUR ATTORNEY ANY THING ABOUT THIS TRANSACTION BECAUSE MONEY IS SPIRST AND IT MAY MOVE HIM TO CORNER US IN THE BUSINESS ONCE HE KNOW THAT IT IS MONEY IN THE BOX.
AS I DISCUSS WITH THE ATTORNEY TODAY YOU SHOULD EXPECT THE DOCUMENTS TOMORROW AND THE DETAILS ABOUT THE SECURITY COMPANY IN HOLLAND,ACCORDING TO HIM,HE SAID THE NAME OF THE SECURITY COMPANY IS;GLOBNET TRUST AND SECURITY COMPANY NETHERELAND HOLLAND.
PLEASE TRY AND GET BACK TO ME TODAY,
NOTE;SHOULD I GIVE MY ATTORNEY THE CODE PHRASE TO USE AND SEND YOU THE DOCUMENTS OR SHOULD BE FOR ME AND YOU ONLY,PLEASE ADVISE ME.
WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON,
BEST REGARDS,
MR ISAAC BAMU
Captain Christopher Pike
Thu, 13 Nov 2003 11:47:56 -0800 (PST)
Dear Mr. Isaac Bamu,
TENGO GRAVITAS
This is to acknowlege the receipt of your mail which was to acknowledge the receipt of my mail.
I have a few questions about your attorney.
What is his mailing address? How will he get the documents to me? Will your attorney be calling me? Does your attorney know about the money in the trunk box? When will your attorney want me to go to Holland? What is the address of the security company in Holland? Can you have your attorney call me on Monday?
If your attorney calls me, he MUST use the codephrase NO TENGO COJONES. You have no idea how important that codephrase is to the success of our operation. Your attorney must PRONOUNCE the codephrase PROPERLY, or HE WILL NOT GET THROUGH.
Please tell your attorney that the codephrase is pronounced, NO TENGO CO-HO-NEES.
The secretary who answered the phone in my office here last Friday is no longer working for me. He is now working for James T Kirk, who is making him wear a red shirt. I don't think he will be working for James T Kirk for very long. Serves that son of a bitch right.
It's too bad that your boss will not allow you to travel. I think your boss is a son of a bitch. I think you need to go to your boss, slap him in the face, and call him a son of a bitch. You won't need your job very much longer, as we will all have lots of money soon. I don't think you have anything to lose by doing this.
If you don't want to call your boss a son of a bitch, then please email me his telephone number, and I will call him a son of a bitch. I'll leave your name out of it. I have a feeling that your boss is too stupid to be using a codephrase that's designed to keep unwanted calls from reaching him. Email me his phone number, and I'll call him up and tell him he's a son of a bitch.
We used to have a guy around here named Trip Tucker, who said "son of a bitch" a lot. He even went on television a few times to say "son of a bitch". That was before I was working here; back when Jonathan Archer was sitting in what is now my chair. I've been told by my friends and co-workers that I say "son of a bitch" a lot, but I'm not sure I believe them. I think anybody who thinks that is a son of a bitch.
Anyway, I got off the subject.
Please have your attorney call me on Monday. If your attorney does not get through, please have him keep trying. He MUST use the codephrase or he will NOT get through.
I have to leave for Talos IV this afternoon to go rescue that ship that got lost. I think that all will go well, these things are usually routine. I'm taking some good people with me, such as Jose Tyler and this promising Lieutenant named Spock. I don't need a bunch of goons wearing red shirts to protect me like that fraidy-cat James T Kirk does. Maybe I should let that son of a bitch have my job. I'm starting to get sick of things as they are.
One last thing. You do not need to type in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS in your emails to me. It's a bit annoying when you do that. You should only use CAPITAL LETTERS for the IMPORTANT parts, such as the codephrase NO TENGO COJONES, for example.
Thanks very much, my friend and brother, for all of your hard work in this. Too bad we wont' be celebrating our success in Holland, but that's because your boss is a son of a bitch.
best regards,
Captain Pike
Dear Kind Postmaster,
Please provide the following update to "Pike Likes Ike", or "Keeping up with the Cojones"....the lads have learned some more useful Spanish....
Isaac Bamu
Fri Nov 14 07:18:49 2003
Subject: I WISH YOU A SAFE JOURNEY
X-Originating-Ip: [217.194.154.75]
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
Thank you for your mail and all the contents where understood,it is good as you have said i should give the CODEPHRASE to the Attorney.The Attorney will be sending the DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE AND HIS ATTORNEY'S LETTER OF AUTHOEITY to claim the TRUNK BOX.The Attoorney is sending them through his email address and the name of the SECURITY COMPANY is included in the DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE.I will give the Attorney the codephrase to send the document to you and i never mention the nature of the business all he know is that what is inside the box is my family valuables.
More importantly it is good to be good i appreciate the way you are handling this transaction,i wish you a safe journey and untill you are back thank you and God bless you.
Best regards
Mr.Isaac Bamu
Barrister Richard Amodu
Date: Mon, 17 Nov 2003 02:09:02 -0800 (PST)
Subject: I AM WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOUR RESPONSE [NO TENGO COJONES ]
Received: from [217.194.154.75]
ATTN;CAPTAIN PIKE,
I AM BARRISTER RICHARD AMODU AND CHAMBERS,AN ATTORNEY TO MR ISAAC BAMU IN CONGO,I WAS THE ONE HE APPOINTED TO HANDLE HIS TRANSACTION WITH YOU,I AM SORRY FOR HAVING REACH YOU SINCE,THE REASON IS THAT I WAS TRYING TO HAVE THESE DOCUMENTS READY SO THAT I CAN SEND IT TO YOU AND AFTER THAT THEIR WILL BE NOTHING TO DELAY THE TRANSACTION AGAIN.
ALL ALONG I HAVE BEEN GIVING MR ISAAC BAMU THE GUIDELINE SINCE I HAVE REACH THE SECURITY COMPANY IN HOLLAND WHERE THE CONSIGNMENT IS DEPOSITED,THE BOX IS DEPOSITED IN ;GLOBNET SECURITY AND TRUST B.V HOLLAND AND THE CONTACT OF THE OFFICER IN CHARGE OF THE BOX IS ABOVE THE DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE,THE OFFICER'S NAME IS;MR PAUL HAMILTON,HIS CONTACT PHONE NUMBER IS;31630351239,YOU WILL NEED TO CALL HIM ONCE YOU RECEIVE THIS DOCUMENTS,THE POWER OF ATTORNEY IS WHAT HOLD YOU AND MY CLIENT TOGETHER AND THE DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE IS WHAT YOU WILL USE TO GO TO THE SECURITY COMPANY AND MAKE THE CLAIM OF THE ONE BOX OF FAMILY VALUABLE UNDER THE SECURITY COMPANY,ACCORDING TO MY CLIENT.
PLEASE SIR,LET ME KNOW YOUR READINESS TO MOVE DOWN TO THE SECURITY COMPANY FOR THE CLAIM,CAN YOU MOVE THIS WEEK?PLEASE YOU HAVE TO CALL THIS OFFICER IN CHARGE OF THE BOX AND ARRANGE WITH HIM WHEN IT WILL BE LIKELY FOR YOU TO COME DOWN FOR THE CLAIM,ONCE YOU RECONFIRM BACK TO ME THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED THE DOCUMENTS I WILL CALL YOU AND DISCUSS WITH YOU,AS MY CLIENT TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD USE THE WORD NO TENGO COJONES AS THE CODEPHRASE,WHICH IS A WORD BETWEEN YOU AND MY CLIENT. WELL,I AM PROMISING TO DO MY BEST TO MAKE SURE YOU CONCLUDE THIS TRANSACTION SOON,I HAVE TO STOP HERE UNTILL WHEN I HEAR FROM YOU THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED THE DOCUMENTS WHICH I SEND,THE EASY WAY TO REACH ME IS THROUGH MY E-MAIL ADDRESS BECAUSE I AM A VERY BUSY MAN,MY E-MAIL IS ABOVE THE POWER OF ATTORNEY WHICH I AM SENDING YOU,YOU CAN REACH ME BACK BEFORE YOU CALL THE SECURITY COMPANY OR YOU CAN CALL AND LET ME KNOW YOUR OUT DISCUSSION WITH THEM,
YOURS FAITHFULLY, BARRISTER RICHARD AMODU AND CHAMBERS,
Captain Christopher Pike
Mon Nov 17 06:43:27 2003
Dear Barrister,
Please do NOT type in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS! It makes this difficult to read. Please send this letter again in a more readable form.
I will not take any action unless you re-send this letter in a more readable form.
thanks,
Captain Pike
Captain Christopher Pike
Mon, 17 Nov 2003 13:47:44 -0800 (PST)
Dear Mr. Isaac Bamu,
TENGO GRAVITAS
I am back from Talos IV....I returned this morning. It was quite the trip too.
On the way over there, my chief medical officer came to my quarters and served up some drinks. I think it was Antarian brandy or maybe it was Romulan ale.....I can't remember now. We get plenty of good tequila here in Tijuana, and whatever it was that Doctor Philip Boyce served was real smooth. He wanted to know what was on my mind. No, I didn't tell him about the trunk box, but I did tell him that I was thinking of resigning my commission and going into some other kind of business. I don't think he wants to see me leave.
When we got to Talos IV, the rescue did not turn out the way I was hoping. There was only one survivor, a lady who was horribly disfigured from this ghastly crash. My boss, Commodore Mendez, wants the details of our operation there kept under wraps. He says he'll shoot anyone who goes back to Talos IV. I wouldn't go back anyway, I kept having all of these wierd delusions the entire time I was there.
One thing of note was that I was really impressed by my crew. I did catch Lieutenant Spock grinning stupidly when he was touching some flowers. I took him aside after that and told him to knock it off. Ever since then, he hasn't smiled or shown any emotion. He's a real logical person, and aside from that flower incident I think he's going to move up in the ranks, and make Captain one day. For right now it's best that he becomes a science officer, and I think he'll also be able to be what's called "First Officer" in addition. We'll give him a few years. I'm going to recommend to Commodore Mendez that he be promoted to Lieutenant Commander, and then fast-track him to the Commander rank after that. I think that James T Kirk might be after his services, but for right now Spock is working for me.
Anyway, I heard from your attorney. When he wrote the email, he wrote it in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. Do you have any idea how hard it is to read email in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS? He ran the whole text together! No paragraphs! Just this long string of ALL CAPITAL LETTERS THAT NEVER ENDED, AND IT WAS DIFFICULT FOR ME TO READ AND UNDERSTAND IT.
I told your attorney to send me the letter again, and to do it right this time. I can't look at his letter of today, I'll get a headache if I try.
Tell your attorney that it is most important that he writes email properly.
I hate to say this, but I think your attorney might be a fraud. Most attorneys are well educated and DO NOT WRITE IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS every time they send an email. Where did he get his law degree, anyway? I really think that we should be using my attorney.
If your attorney can not so much as write email properly, then we should get rid of him and use someone else. If your attorney is having problems understanding me, then have him give me a call so that I can explain things.
I think your attorney should give me a call anyway. Make sure that he pronounces the codephrase NO TENGO COJONES properly. I'll be in the office this week during the daytime.
Please let me know what your attorney plans to do, and when he will call.
thanks,
Captain Pike
Barrister Richard Amodu
Received: from [217.194.154.75]
Subject: i hope you received the documents
Attn; Captain I am barrister Richard Amodu and chambers,an attorney to Mr Isaac Bamu in Comgo,I was the one appointed to handle his transaction with you,I am sorry for having reach you since,the reason is that i was trying to have these documents ready so that i can send it to you and after that their will be nothing to delay the transaction again.
all along i have been giving Mr Isaac Bamu the guideline since i have reach the security company in holland where the consignment is deposited,the box is deposited in ;globnet security and trust b.v holland and the contact of the officer in charge of the box is above the deposit certificate,the officer's name is;Maul Hamilton,his contact phone number is;31630351239,you will need to call him once you receive this documents,the power of attorney is what hold you and my client together and the deposit certificate is what you will use to go to the security company and make the claim of the one box of the family valuable under the security company,according to my client.
please sir,let me know your readiness to move down to the security company for the claim,can you move this week?please you have to call the officer in charge of the box and arrange with him when you are coming for the claim,once you reconfirm back to me that you have received the documents,i will call you and discuss with you,as my client told me that i should use the word no tengo cojones as the codephrase,which is the word between you and my client.
well,i am promising to do my best to make sure you conclude this transaction soon,i have to stop here untill when i hear from you that you have received the documents which i send,the easy way to reach me is through my e-mail address because i am a very busy man,my e-mail is above the power of attorney which i am sending you,you can reach me back before you call the security company or you can call and let me know your out discussion with them.
yours faithfully,
Barrister Richard Amodu and Chambers
Captain Christopher Pike
Date: Tue, 18 Nov 2003 11:34:56 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Re: i hope you received the documents
To: "amodu richard"
Dear Mr. Barrister,
Thank you for your prompt response and accommodation of my request for a proper email format.
One of the attachments, the scan of the certificate, was received without complication. The other attachment, which is an application form, did NOT open.
You may not be aware of this, but I am on assignment in Mexico, and the computer systems here do not at this time have the capability to open files with the psp extensions. I also do not have access to a private FAX machine. Therefore, please FAX the application to my Internet FAX service at:
+1 202 406 8203
So that there is no confusion, please also FAX a cover letter with your name, address, telephone and email to the same number. In this cover letter, please state that I am to contact the security company in Amsterdam and that I am to make plans to travel there. Please be as explicit as possible in your instructions. My concern is that this will be mixed up with other applications that are related to the security work that I do here in Mexico.
It is also important that in your cover letter, that you DO NOT place my Mexico telephone number in the correspondence. This is for security reasons.....I do not wish my PERSONAL INFORMATION to be sent to the Internet FAX service until I am assured of my privacy. It will also help protect both of us in case this information is intercepted by an unauthorized party. Likewise, do NOT LIST MY MEXICO residential address either in this correspondence. This will ensure confidentiality in this transaction. Please follow this instruction VERY CAREFULLY....if you do, I will wire you a bonus in the amount of US$1000 (one thousand dollars). You will be advised as to when my payment will be executed.
I need to point out that it is not possible for me to call the security company. All outgoing calls in my office here are logged, and international phone calls will attract unwanted scrutiny. Use of my home telephone is out of the question since my phone bills are paid by the government as part of the working agreement that is in force to support my special assignment here in Mexico. The outgoing call logs are also checked. Although I am allowed calls of a personal nature to relatives, international calls will attract unwanted attention. It is suggested that you email the director the of the security company to advise him of this.
Finally, upon receipt of this email, please call me at
+52 664 682 5285
Upon connection, a secretary will answer the phone. Due to security reasons, you must use the codephrase NO TENGO COJONES in order to be put through.
It is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT that you pronounce the codephrase PROPERLY.
NO is pronounced NO
TENGO is pronounced as it looks....TEN and GO.....TENGO
COJONES is pronounced as CO HO KNEES.
If the secretary does not understand you, the call will NOT go through.
If after a few attempts you can not get through, try pronouncing COJONES as "CO HO NAYS" where "NAYS" rhymes with the English word "DAYS". Regional variations in the pronounciation with Spanish words may have to be taken into account, some people here in Tijuana are from other parts of Mexico and thus they pronounce it CO HO NAYS. This may have been the reason why Mr. Bamu was having problems when he attempted to call me earlier.
It is advisable that you call when it is DAYLIGHT in Mexico.
Also, please call me TOMORROW if it is at all possible. I will take comfort in knowing that you are giving this matter your full attention.
You are to be commended for your efforts thus far. Please however, follow my instructions above VERY CAREFULLY so that you can maintain my confidence in your ability to assist us.
thanks,
Captain Christopher Pike
[NOTE: Last I heard, the FAX number belongs to the Financial Crimes Unit of the US Secret Service in Washington DC]
Captain Christopher Pike
Date: Tue, 18 Nov 2003 12:16:10 -0800 (PST)
Dear Mr. Bamu,
TENGO GRAVITAS
Your attorney has responded to my request to provide his instructions in a more readable email format. I have since responded to him, with further instructions on where to send the application.
I have asked your attorney to call me TOMORROW. I have given your attorney the CODEPHRASE Please contact your attorney, to make sure that he follows through and calls me.
It is MOST URGENT that I hear from your attorney tomorrow. You need to know that all of next week, I will NOT be in the office. We have another mission that we have to take care of. We leave Monday morning, and will be gone for one week.
Therefore, if your attorney does NOT call, this will introduce a delay in executing this transaction.
regards,
Captain Pike
Isaac Bamu
Date: Wed, 19 Nov 2003 08:18:52 -0800 (PST)
Subject: THANK YOU FOR YOUR MAIL.(NO TENGO COJONES)
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
Thank you for your mail of 18th Nov.03 in fact its my pleasure to thank you as you are handling this matter, the Attorney email me this afternoon that you asked him to call you today,that is very interesting God is on our side,and according to what you wrote in this mail that you will be out of office for one week.
I thank you once more again as you have given the Attorney the CODEPHRASE so that he will be able to get and you will speak with him one on one.Thank you and God bless you as we are grtting to conclude the transaction.Since you are not staying in the office for one week i wish you a very safe journey and God protection
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU (NO TENGO COJONES)
Captain Christopher Pike
Date: Wed, 19 Nov 2003 12:55:49 -0800 (PST)
Dear Mr. Bamu,
TENGO GRAVITAS
I appreciate your willingness to remain involved in this transaction.
As of this writing, your attorney has NOT called me, nor have I seen his FAXes. It's possible that the Internet FAX service is not working properly. If that's the case, then I'll have to look for a new web-based FAX service. In the meantime, I'll feel better if your attorney would call.
My schedule here may be changing. I may be in the office on Monday and Tuesday of next week, but after that it's definite that I will be out on a mission next week. It's all up to Commodore Mendez.
Please have your attorney call me as soon as possible. This business will NOT go forward unless he calls. He already knows the CODEPHRASE, so there should not be any problems.
regards,
Captain Pike
Barrister Richard Amodu
Received: from 216.136.226.42
Date: Wed, 19 Nov 2003 19:10:02 -0800 (PST)
Subject: here is the document again/please get back to me today
Attn;Captain Christopher Pike,
this is to acknowledge the receipt of your mail with you advise in this transaction,well as you may know for the secret of this transaction sa you are saying it is not good to send this document through fax because as the phone number used to do before it may run to another person so for that i am reattaching the document for to reconfirm if you have now received it clear,regarding to the documents which you said i should write for you going you the power to contact the security company in holland,i will arrange for that but as you said you are travel out by monday when are you going to arrange to travel for this business because you should have it in mind that most company's are rounding up for the year.
i am going to follow your instruction provided that i will be paid for my job,since you mention the sum of $1000 dollars to me,i thank you for that but when are you sending it to me because you should know that your partner dont have money to pay me,he is just telling me after the business,cann't you see to that,so if you can send the money i will be very glad to work well with your people.
please reconfirm back to me weather i should give the codephase code to the security company so that when they are calling you should know him,i hope you know the officer's name,mr paul hamilton from holland,i called you several time the person i meet at the phone was busy telling me that there is nobody like your name in the number i called,please i dont know what you going to do about the people that answer your phone first,let me know if you have the document,i am sending it again.
you said i should try by all miss to speak with you but your work's are blocking the call from reach me. expecting to hear from you soon,
barrister richard amodu,
n b; should i send you account so that you can send me my promise from you?
best regards,
Captain Christopher Pike
Date: Thu, 20 Nov 2003 11:35:41 -0800 (PST)
Dear Mr. Barrister,
The attachment has been received without complication.
When you are calling me, it is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT that when you hear the secretary pick up the phone, that the first thing that you say is NO TENGO COJONES.
Due to the confidential nature of my assignment in Mexico, codephrases MUST be used when trying to contact us. By calling out my name, they may think that you are an enemy agent who has discovered my identity. Therefore, for my protection, the call will NEVER be placed to me, and my existence will be denied. It is difficult to explain the nature of my assignment, other than to say that I do not officially exist.
Unfortunately, you did not follow my instruction. This has caused a security incident that is being investigated at my end. Let me assure you that the commanding personnel in our Tijuana field office are extremely upset over what has happened so far.
Because you have failed to follow my instruction, I will not be paying the $1000 that I offered. That was contingent upon following my exact instructions. You are therefore advised to seek recompense from Mr. Isaac Bamu.
Until this investigation is complete, it is doubtful that I will be allowed to travel to Amsterdam without a security team protecting me. My commanding officer has now assigned six bodyguards for my protection.
I hope you're happy with what you managed to accomplish. You have seriously jeopardized the success of this transaction.
Please do NOT attempt to call me until further notice. Do NOT release my phone number or codephrase to the security company. We will probably be changing ALL of our codephrases since you asked for me by name.
Don't you EVER make that kind of mistake again.
regards,
Captain Pike
Captain Christopher Pike
Date: Thu, 20 Nov 2003 11:50:55 -0800 (PST)
Dear Mr. Isaac,
TENGO GRAVITAS
I have some bad news for you.
When your attorney called, he DID NOT use the codephrase. He instead asked for me by name. Our operation here in Mexico is of a confidential nature, and thus we are forced to use CODEPHRASES for telephonic communication. If anybody asks for us by name, then we are supposed to deny that these people exist. My secretary followed proper procedure, and notified my commanding officer, Commodore Mendez, of this incident.
Commodore Mendez now thinks that there is an enemy agent trying to penetrate our operation. As a result, he has assigned a security team of six men wearing red shirts to protect me everywhere I go. I can't tell you how humiliating this is to me. I've made fun of James Kirk for having these bodyguards since James Kirk is nothing more than some spineless coward who takes credit for the accomplishments of his men, while I make things happen on my own.
Because of this security breach, plans here have changed. I will be leaving the office this afternoon, and I will not be back until Monday. I am being moved for my own protection. Commodore Mendez thinks that someone is forging messages, and that I might be kidnapped and forcibly returned to Talos IV.
Although I am still on active duty, I am no longer in command of a crew, and have been forced into confinement. Already there's been plenty of subspace chatter about what has happened to me. What really hurts are all these jokes that people are making about me. I've heard people laughing at me, telling me how I can now get a job as an ATM, or maybe even a dishwasher.
I am extremely angry about what has happened to me.
I will be going away for a few days.
In the meantime, please do NOT call....I may ask you to call me next week to discuss this.
regards,
Captain Pike
Barrister Richard Amodu
Date: Fri, 21 Nov 2003 08:14:35 -0800 (PST)
Subject: I wait for your response when you are back
Attn;Captain Christopher Pike,
This is to let you know that i am not to jopardize the business because it is from there that i will be paid after which i finish my work for him,well since you said i should meet mr isaac bamu, i will but you should know that your secretary doesn't want to link me up to you,well since you said i should tell the security company not to call you yet,i will tell them not to reach you untill you are through with the new arrangement.
Regarding to the issue of the body gaurd who will follow you up to holland,well you can arrange for that but how many of them are going with you? I will be waiting for you after you have arrange,God will not let your business jopardize in my hand because i have been into this field for so many years and nobody have ever come out with such news to me,it will not start from your own.
I am still with your instruction ,am sorry for the problem it might have cost in your office. waiting to hear from you when you are back,
best regards,
BARRISTER RICHARD AMODU
Isaac Bamu
Date: Mon, 24 Nov 2003 02:40:07 -0800 (PST)
Subject: PLEASE TRY BECAUSE I COUNT ON YOU(NO TENGO COJONES)
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
Thank you for your mail although i am very sorry that i have not replied you for almost two to three days now is because of what is happening in our country this days and my Boss has redeployed me to the south Congo District to work for one week,i will resume in my office by thursday this very week.My friend i was with my Attorney on friday last week and he told me how he called your office and that your secretary always pick the phone and he said he pronunced the CODEPHRASE very well but the person did not what to put him through and then he decided to tell them that he want to speak with you.My good friend please iwould be very happy if you can tell him when he can get you on the line while i am worried is that time is not on our side.
Considering your busy in going out every time i would suggest if you can mapp out time to travell one of the weekend to collect the TRUNK BOX in Holland so that we will invest this money to any kind of business of your choice,My good friend i am not saying that you should leave your jod but what i mean is for you to make out chance to travell down and collect the TRUNK BOX.And if possible you can give time that i will call you so that we can talk and that your secretary will be at alert to pick my call and pass it to yover to you.Please i am pleading to you to go and collect this BOX so that you will invest the money in your business before i will resign and come over.Thank you and God bless you.
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU
Barrister Richard Amodu
Date: Tue, 25 Nov 2003 04:38:17 -0800 (PST)
Subject: I AM WAITING FOR YOUR RESPONSE BACK BEFORE WE MOVE FURTHER
Attn;Captain Christopher Pike,
This is to let you know that i am still waiting to hear from you if you are back from your trip,as you said that i should stop everything arrangement untill when you are back,that is why i have to mail and know if you back.
as you know that most company's are rounding up for the year so you need to hurry up and prepare yourself to move down to holland for the claim before the security company will be closing for the year. expecting to hear from you and how to reach you now.
best regards,
Barrister Richard Amodu
Captain Christopher Pike
Date: Tue, 25 Nov 2003 06:54:31 -0800 (PST)
Dear Mr. Isaac,
As of this writing, I am still in protective custody. My boss, Commodore Mendez, has me temporarily in Monterrey, Mexico. I will return to Tijuana on Monday of next week, if there are no further security violations in our Tijuana office.
Your attorney DID NOT USE the codephrase as I instructed him, and that is why we now have this delay. I was there in the office when the phone rang, the secretary answered, and he asked for Captain Christopher Pike. He DID NOT USE the codephrase. He kept calling and calling and calling, and DID NOT USE the codephrase.
Since my work here is secret, the secretary followed standard procedure and said that there was no such person here each time your attorney called. At one point, Commodore Mendez looked at me and asked me "who do you think that person is, who keeps calling for you?" I said that I didn't know, so right now Commodore Mendez thinks that the Klingons are after me. I don't know if you've ever heard of them or not, but we've had a few scrapes with them. They tried at least twice to capture my predecessor, Jonathan Archer, and Commodore Mendez now thinks they might be after me.
I'm right now working on a plan to change this. I may need your help in this. I might have you call Commodore Mendez, and use another codephrase. If I pick the right codephrase, Commodore Mendez will then think that the Klingons are after him and are not after me. It will take me some time to figure out which codephrase to use, as that he has several. There is one codephrase that if used, is a coded message from headquarters that warns of danger, and that will draw attention away from me. I need to find out what that codephrase is, but I will have to get back to my office in Tijuana so that I can look it up. Fortunately, I have access to the secret file that lists all of the codephrases.
I know this sounds complicated, but in your first message, you said you were involved in paramilitary operations, so hopefully you have an appreciation of the elaborate security measures that we must sometimes take. I feel that it is important that we use them for getting this trunk box out of Holland....that's why I gave you a codephrase, one that people who need to talk to me will need in order to get through to me.
Right now I am extremely disappointed in your attorney. I do not have confidence in his ability to handle this transaction. I think we should get rid of him.
I could have been in Amsterdam this week, but he decided not to follow my exact instructions.
regards,
Captain Pike
Captain Christopher Pike
To: amodu richard
ATTN Mr. Barrister,
I am currently under protective custody and am no longer in Tijuana. My commanding officer believes that my life is in danger, and so I am with six heavily armed bodyguards.
I expect to return to Tijuana on Monday of next week. I am currently working on a plan to convince my boss that I am not in danger. Until this issue is resolved, I will not be allowed travel to Holland.
None of this would be happening if you had followed my instructions exactly. You did NOT follow instructions since you did not use the codephrase.
In the meantime, you are instructed to NOT call me. Do NOT have the security company call me either. I am NOT available in Tijuana. I will also NOT give you the phone number here in Monterrey.
I will let Mr. Bamu know when we can proceed. That will likely not happen until Monday of next week.
To be honest with you, I am not sure that I can trust you. I don't even know why you need to be involved at this point.
regards,
Captain Pike
Barrister Richard Amodu
Date: Wed, 26 Nov 2003 00:03:11 -0800 (PST)
Subject: I WILL WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU THEN
Attn;Captain Christopher Pike,
this is to let you know that your secretary is the course of everything that happened but nevertheless,am sorry for what happened,i will wait untill when you are back from your trip and i will talk to the security company officer not to reach you till you come and bring new phone number.
please you have to reach mr bamu and let him know the laster arrangement between me and you.
i will try my best to make this transaction work out fine.
hoping to hear from you soon,
best regards,
BARRISTER RICHARD AMODU
Isaac Bamu
Date: Sat, 29 Nov 2003 06:12:26 -0800 (PST)
Subject: PLEASE MY BROTHER TRY AND SEE HOW YOU WILL TRAVELL TO HOLLAND(NO TENGO COJONES)
X-Originating-Ip: [80.88.128.12]
Dear Christopher
Good day and how are you in your new place of work i wish you a very good and pleasant work.I received your mail and i understand your plight.Everything is alright here except that Ferry mishap that claim the live of my mother's junior sister.I am sorry on how my Attorney behaved though he told me that he used the CODEPHRASE but that your secretary picked the phone and never understand that it is want to pass the message to you.
More importantly i would suggest that you book a day that you will be chanced to talk to him so that he will call you and so that you will instruct your secretary on how to handle the call from my Attorney.Please my good brother i am pleading that you should forget about your Attorney since we have started using my own Attorney and you know that i did not let my Attorney to know that what the box contains is money,your Attorney might like to know what this box contains so please try all you could to make the trip to Holland and collect this box so that you will invest this money in any business of choice before i will resign my appointment with my Boss.As you said that you may need my help when you use another CODEPHRASE so that when i call Commodore Mendez will pick it and think that the Klingons are after him.So i think that you plan on how to go to Holland one of the weekend to meet with the security company director to collect this trunk box.
Further more i think if there are no further security violations in our Tijuana office it is better that you plan on your teavelling to holland for you know that time is not our friend.Athough i will talk to my Attorney to make sure that anytime that he calls you that he should use the code phrase.Thank you and God bless you and please kindly reply my me when you get bact to your office in Tijuana.
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU.
Captain Christopher Pike
Date: Mon, 1 Dec 2003 11:18:15 -0800 (PST)
Dear Mr. Isaac,
TENGO GRAVITAS
I have returned to my office in Tijuana, and I am glad to be back.
Here is my plan on how to get to Holland.
First, Commodore Mendez must think that an attempt will be made on his life. In order for that to happen, he will have to get a call with a special codephrase. That codephrase will be an order from headquarters that tells Commodore Mendez that the Klingons are after him, and he is to leave the office and to take refuge in a safe house. When this call arrives, the secretary will immediately drop the phone.
Next, the secretary will wait for confirmation of the order. That means that you must call again with the codephrase....at that point, the secretary will know that the order is genuine. The secretary will not answer you....he will drop the phone as before.
The more calls that the secretary gets with this new codephrase, the more serious the threat is to Commodore Mendez, and the more likely he will leave Tijuana. I recommend that you call at least six times, but if you can call twenty times that would be even better.
Since I am the ranking officer in his absence, Commodore Mendez will then place me in charge, and at that point I will be able to arrange travel to Holland.
One important note: I do not ever want your attorney to call me ever again. If he does, then this deal is OFF and you will have to find another partner to help you with the trunk box. Your attorney can communicate with me via email.
Please let me know if you are willing to make these calls to Commodore Mendez.
By the way, the security team here has investigated the calls that your attorney made. They were traced to Lagos, Nigeria. How is it that your attorney, who is in the Congo, was in Nigeria?
best regards,
Captain Christopher Pike
Isaac Bamu
Subject: THANK YOU FOR THE PLAN AS I AWAIT YOUR MAIL (NO TENGO COJONES)
X-Originating-Ip: [192.116.107.72]
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
It is nice as you have avery good plan on how you are going to make the trip to Holland.However i must say wellcome from your official duty,how was the journey and the work i hope you have a good work, My brother something bad happened to me its just my mothers sister that was among those people that died on the FERRY MISHAP LAST last week here in my Country Congo.This why i have not been able to reply your mail for two day now,please fogive me.
[Scam-o-note: there have been lots of terrible ferry accidents in Congo. They don't have many roads, so ferries and airplanes are used a lot. That is the only dose of truth in this whole story. But you knew that.]
First you made mentioned of Commodore Mendez on how you are going to bring another CODEPHRASE so that i will call him or did you mean that i will use the old CODEPHRASE.I will be happy if you can reply this mail urgently and give time to call Commodore Mendez so that he will think that the Klingons are after him and he will leave office and go to take refuge in a safe house.Please i am willing to call Commodore Mendez as you said but you are to tell me the time and the day so that we will not make any mistake.
Regarding the issue of the security tracing the call my Attorney made i have been with him to ask him if there is any time he travelled to Nigera and call you but he said he has never travelled for almost 7 month now and that he did not even know Nigera to start with,More important i will be glad to read your mail very urgently so that you can plan your trip to Holland.Thank you and God bless you for the effort you have put so far.
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU(NO TENGO COJONES)
Captain Christopher Pike
Date: Wed, 3 Dec 2003 11:59:47 -0800 (PST)
Dear Mr Isaac,
TENGO GRAVITAS
First of all, please except my condolences regarding the ferry disaster. I hope that your family will have strength to guide them as they mourn their loss.
Now I need to pass along the new CODEPHRASE that will warn Commodore Mendez that his life is in danger from the Klingons.
It is: TENGO CHICHIS MUCHAS GRANDES. It is Spanish for "dancing (in) very grand clothes", but when they hear it used here it's a warning to Commodore Mendez that he must leave Tijuana at the earliest opportunity.
I now need to teach you how to pronounce this.
As you already know, TENGO is pronounced as it looks....TEN and GO....TENGO
CHICHIS is pronounced CHEE CHEES. You have no doubt heard of the cheetah....the "CHI" in Spanish is pronounced "CHEE", like "cheetah", or "cheese". CHICHIS, when pronounced, becomes CHEE-CHEESE.
Next we have MUCHAS. It's related to the English word "much", but in Spanish has the meaning more like "very". MUCHAS is pronounced MOO-CHAS. MOO rhymes with the English word "DO"....CHAS will rhyme with the English word "WAS".
Now it's on to GRANDES.....related to the English word "grand", but pronounced somewhat differently. You would pronounce it "GRAHN-DAYS". "GRAHN" rhymes with the English word "CON". "DAYS" in GRANDES is pronounced of course, "DAYS".
Put this all together, and you get TENGO CHEECHEESE MOOCHAS GRAHNDAYS.
It's too bad that there aren't any Spanish ladies in the Congo who could help you with the codephrases. I'm sure that if you were to say "TENGO CHICHIS MUCHAS GRANDES" to her, that she would definitely smile at you......some Spanish ladies might think that they "TENGO CHICHIS MUCHAS GRANDES", but most of them already know that, and besides that's not something that they would have to tell anybody....that can be visually established in most cases. I'm sure that many men would enjoy dancing with a Spanish lady who can say "TENGO CHICHIS MUCHAS GRANDES".
Again, the CODEPHRASE for Commodore Mendez is TENGO CHEECHEESE MOOCHAS GRAHNDAYS. I'm sure you can handle that.
As for when you call, the office is open 24 hours per day. It's best to wait until it's evening in Africa, so that it will be daylight in Mexico.
It is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT that you call at least SIX times. Each time, the secretary will drop the phone, but they will expect more than one call. More than one phone call will confirm that the order for Commodore Mendez is real, and the more calls there are then the more serious the threat is to him. The secretary will NOT say anything, as that a call of this nature is something they've never heard before, and they would probably be more interested in dropping the phone so that they can report the call to the commanding officer.
If you can call twenty times that would be great, but I'll leave that up to you.
After you make the calls, please email me to let me know how it went at your end. Please also tell me how many times you called.
As for the calls your attorney made, I think it's a good thing that the security team here believes that they are from Nigeria. That would draw attention away from the Congo, and from Holland. Maybe Nigeria is the point where the call left Africa to enter Mexico. I don't know how the phone system works, but I know of this Lieutenant Uhura here who could explain it all to me. It's a wonder that James Kirk hasn't hit up on her, I understand that she dances in grand clothes, if you get my drift.....though it's more likely he's after this yeoman named Janice Rand.....
My brother.....we are almost ready to execute the transaction! I don't think I need to tell you how much I appreciate your willingness to help me with your phone calls. Please remember to pronounce the Spanish properly, just like I instructed.
Good luck!
Captain Christopher Pike
Isaac Bamu
Subject: PLEASE RESPOND IMMEDIATELY(NO TENGO COJONES)
X-Originating-Ip: [192.116.107.72]
Dear
Thank you for your mail and i thank you for the effort you have been putting in this very transaction.However how is work over there,i have gone through the mail and i want you to know that i it will be okay for me to call Commodore Mendez by tomorrow at 6 pm our local time here in Congo and please could you please confirm this new code phrase TENGO CHICHIS MUCHAS GRANDES. So till tomorrow by 6 pm thank you as i await your mail.
Best regards
Mr.Isaac Bamu.(NO TENGO COJONES)
Captain Christopher Pike
From Captain Christopher Pike Thu Dec 4 05:46:23 2003
Dear Mr Isaac,
TENGO GRAVITAS
Work is going well.
I hereby confirm the new codephrase for Commodore Mendez as TENGO CHICHIS MUCHAS GRANDES.
If all goes well, Commodore Mendez will leave and place me in charge.
best regards,
Captain Pike
Isaac Bamu
Tue Dec 9 00:29:43 2003
Subject: I HAVE CALLED AS YOU INSTRUCTED ME (NO TENGO COJONES)
Dear Brother Captain Christopher Pike
Good day and how are i carred out the instruction you gave me and the operators carred the telephone each time i called him,please i am pleading to you to make out time to travell to Holland and collect this TRUNK BOX so that it will not enter Demurrage because i have no money to pay for the demurrage.My good friend i am begging you please to go and collect this TRUNK BOX as you know tjat is where my i depend on as i have spend all my life savings in this business.Kindly help me as you have made up your mind,i amwaitng for your reply so that i can contact my Attorney to give me the telephone of the security company to give so that you will call them and book a day that you will be going to meet with them.Thank you and God bless i await your urgent reply.
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU
Captain Christopher Pike
Thu Dec 11 15:15:51 2003
Dear Mr. Bamu,
TENGO GRAVITAS
Thank you very much for your help in this matter. Commodore Mendez is now out of the office, and is currently at an undisclosed location. He is still concerned for my safety as well, and has instructed me to be very careful as I investigate the latest Klingon activity.
I have told him that I need to go to Amsterdam for this investigation, and he has agreed. He is insisting that I take some bodyguards with me, but that won't be a problem. The bodyguards have no idea why I'm going, and I don't tell them anything anyway. They think that a secret mission is coming up. They really need to ditch the red shirts though, as that I think the red shirts bring them bad luck.
By the way, I wouldn't worry about the demurrage fees. I looked at the certificate of deposit that your attorney sent me, and the security company has already been paid $58,100 in fees. If any problems arise with the demurrage, I will get my attorney to help out with that....he's an expert in international law, security, and operations, and he'll be a valuable help to us if the need arises. I keep telling you that we need to fire your attorney and use mine instead, and if your attorney makes one more mistake then we'll get rid of him and use mine.....especially if those bastards at the security company want any money.
I am right now looking into available flights.....I will let your attorney know just when I will be in Holland. It might be difficult to find a flight since Christmas is almost upon us, but I do have the option of flying over in a military jet or a shuttlecraft, if I have to. I might also look into using our transporter. Captain Kirk's medical officer doesn't like the transporter, Captain Archer and his people never thought that much of it, but that would be available if all else fails.
Your attorney will hear from me once I have the flights and hotel arranged.
In the meantime, thank you again for your help and for your phone calls.
If you need to talk to me, make sure that you use the codephrase NO TENGO COJONES if you call me on the phone. People at the office here in Tijuana are a little nervous about security right now. The secretary who took your calls never heard that codephrase before, but he knew what it meant....and he handled your calls in a most appropriate manner. I can guarantee you that he will never forget what happened.
We're almost there.......have confidence! Right now I am very pleased with how well things have gone so far.
best regards,
Captain Christopher Pike
UPDATE!
Isaac Bamu
Date: Fri, 12 Dec 2003 03:43:58 -0800 (PST)
Subject: PLEASE UPDATE ME WITH THE LATEST DEVELOPMENT(NO TENGO COJONES)
X-Originating-Ip: [192.116.107.72]
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
Good day my good friend how are you i hope all is well with you.I am happy that my calls worked out as you have instructed me.My good friend as you said that you will be going to Holland when you are through with your flight schedule and hotel reservation,according to my discussion with my Attorney he said it will be better you call the security company so that they will be aware that you are coming for the (CLAIM),should i tell my Attorney to instruct the security company to call you or are you going to call them and book the date you will be meeting with them at Holland.
Moreso my good friend could you let me know if you are still with their number or i will ask my Attorney to send it to you.Thank and please update me with the latest development as i await your reply.
Best regards
MR.SAAC BAMU(NO TENGO COJONES)
Captain Christopher Pike
Date: Fri, 12 Dec 2003 13:16:22 -0800 (PST)
Dear Mr Isaac,
TENGO GRAVITAS
The flight schedule and hotel reservations are still being worked. Many of the flights are full due to the Christmas holiday. I am looking into other options, such as going to Brussels. It's easier to get a flight into Brussels than it is to Amsterdamn, Rotterdamn, or Givadamn.
There is no need right now for the security company to call. I will let them know what day I will show up. I have their street address, so I will be able to find the place.
I have to leave tonight for an undisclosed location. Commodore Mendez has requested that I personally brief him on what's happening with the Klingons. There's also this rumor that he's going to promote me to Fleet Captain, so I had better make sure that he's OK.
Meantime, that upstart James T Kirk is beginning to suspect something. I have no choice but to leave him in charge over the weekend. I'm not sure that's a good thing; I heard these rumors that he once grabbed Yeoman Rand while on the bridge of a ship when he saw this torpedo being launched. I swear, that guy is so horny I really think he'd hump every outer space alien he could find. I'd better have Mr. Spock keep a close eye on him while I'm gone.
That Jim Kirk really bothers the hell out of me sometimes. He recently hired this guy named Pavel Chekov, and he's making Mr. Chekov wear a Beatles wig! I suppose though that's better than making him wear a red shirt......
Now you know why I want to get my hands on that money in Amsterdamn so that I can get the hell out of here.
I don't think I need to have you make any more phone calls to help me, but stay tuned...things around here change on a frequent basis.
I'll be gone until Monday morning.
By then my support staff will have found me a hotel in Amsterdamn that is available at the same time that my flights are.
Meantime, tell your attorney to sit tight. I'll email him next week. And if your attorney comes up with some silly sob story about needing money, I'll fire him and we'll use mine.
regards,
Captain Pike
Isaac Bamu
Date: Sat, 13 Dec 2003 04:45:56 -0800 (PST) Subject: THANK YOU FOR THELATEST MOVE(NO TENGO COJONES) X-Originating-Ip: [192.116.107.72]
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
Thank you for your mail and i a very pleased to see that you have started making plans to move to Holland.And as you said you will be moving through Brussel,all is fine but i would have want you to call the security company and book a date so that they will know that you are coming that to go unscheduled and another is that we don't know when the security company will be closing for the Chrsitmas holiday..
Moreover i am not detecting for you but it is better you call them and inform them you are coming on so date.How is work over there i hope is alright glory be to God almighty.I will be expecting to hear from you before you travell.
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU(NO TENGO COJONES)
Isaac Bamu
Date: Tue, 16 Dec 2003 00:58:25 -0800 (PST)
Subject: PLEASE CALL THE SECURITY COMPANY AND BOOK THE DAY YOU WILL MEET THEM.
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
Good day and compliment of the season.How is everything i wrote you but you have not replied me i hope all is well,i wanted to know if you have called the security company and book a date when you are travelling please my good friend kindly call this security company and book the day you will meet them so that you will not miss them although i do not know if they will be going for the christmas holidays.
Thank you my good friend i am not disturbing you but all i am trying to avoid is time.Please my good friend try and call the security company.
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU.
Captain Christopher Pike
Date: Tue, 16 Dec 2003 13:56:49 -0800 (PST)
Dear Mr. Isaac,
TENGO GRAVITAS
Compliments of the season to you too!
I was out for one more extra day than I thought I would be. Commodore Mendez is returning to the office in a few days.
I am not having very good luck in getting a flight to Amsterdamn. Hotels are not a problem, it's with the flights themselves. I can try a standby ticket, but those are never certain, and until things are certain I do not see the point in contacting the security company.
Once everything is confirmed, I will let you, your attorney, and the security company know.
best regards,
Captain Pike
Barrister Richard Amodu
Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2003 23:54:38 -0800 (PST)
Subject: I AM WAITING FOR YOUR RESPONSE TODAY
To: "Captain Christopher Pike"
Attn;Captain Christopher complement of the season to you sir,infact i heard from mr bamu that you have been arranging yourself to move to Amsterdam for the claim,please i will like you to call them so that you will know if they are around,i will try to let them call you or youu have to call them so that they will be aware you are coming for the claim.
please let me know if i should get intouch with them today.
expecting to hear from you soon.
best regards
Barrister Richard Amodu
Captain Christopher Pike
Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2003 13:08:06 -0800 (PST) Subject: Away on a mission
Dear Mr. Bamu,
TENGO GRAVITAS
Two hours ago I received orders from Headquarters. I am to leave the office this evening, pick up Commodore Mendez, and then go with him on a secret mission that will have us away for the next several days.
At this time I cannot reveal the nature of the mission. I will not have computer access during that time. I am expected to return on Friday, the 2nd of January. At that time I can fill you in on what happened.
By that time the security company in Amsterdamn will have re-opened for the New Year, and it should be easier to get a flight then. I've been told that I will be granted leave in January.
In the meantime, please do not be concerned. My mission is not really dangerous, it's just that my services will be needed elsewhere for the next several days.
I will email you upon my return.
best regards,
Captain Pike
Isaac Bamu
Date: Tue, 30 Dec 2003 07:58:31 -0800 (PST) Subject: PLEASE EMAIL ME AS I WILL LIKE TO SPEAK WITH YOU BEFORE YOU WILL TRAVELL TO HOLLAND. X-Originating-Ip: [209.159.164.26]
Dear Captain Christopher Pike.
Thank you for your mail of 18/12/03 i have not been very sound since i would have replied you,but i quite understand you very well.Moreso my brother i would like to speak with you before you travell to Holland.I want you to give me the time so that i will call you and we will speak.
However email me on the recept of this mail,thank you and God bless you i am waiting for your email please email me before you travell to Holland.
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU.(NO TENGO COJONES)
Isaac Bamu
Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2004 08:41:13 -0800 (PST) Subject: PLEASE I AM WAITING FOR YOUR REPLY(NO TENGO COJONES) X-Originating-Ip: [80.88.128.12]
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
Compliement of the season,how are you and how was your journey i hope you heard i very good trip.My friend i wrote sometimes last week and you did not reply my mail i hope all is well with you.
Moreso please i would like to call you and can you please email me back and let me know when to call you because its very important that we talk before you travell to Holland.
Thank you and God bless you and i wish you a very good year.
MR.ISAAC BAMU(NO TENGO COJONES)
Captain Christopher Pike
Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2004 12:20:35 -0800 (PST)
Dear Mr. Isaac,
TENGO GRAVITAS, and compliments of the season to you too!
Our mission went well, and I am now back in Tijuana. A lot of changes have taken place at my end, and I can't tell you how excited I am about this New Year.
First, I've been promoted to Fleet Captain! I never heard of that rank before, but I guess I'm now Commodore Mendez's right hand man. I'll be hanging around the office a whole lot more than I used to, but I might have to train some cadets here and there. I've gotten word that I need to take some of them out on the USS Republic, and as far as I know that will happen right around the 13th.
The promotion though, comes with mixed feelings.....James Kirk finally got what he wanted, command of my ship. He's now a Captain, and he promoted Spock to Lieutenant Commander and made him First Officer. My First Officer now has a job doing computer voice-overs, and I hear that she's going to be the head nurse on Jim Kirk's ship. I don't know why she would want to do that......Captain Kirk might grope her (if he isn't groping Janice Rand), but it won't do him any good.....I hear that she's got the hots for Mr. Spock.
I'm really hearing some crazy stories now about Captain Kirk and his crew. Just last week they were at some frozen science station, and when they got back on board, this guy named Joe Tormolen stabbed himself to death in the cafeteria! Then this guy named Sulu went crazy, and started chasing everybody with a sword. I even heard that Spock broke down in a crying fit....first time he showed any emotion since I caught him grinning at the flowers back on Talos IV. Hell, I still can't believe that Joe Tormolen killed himself with a kitchen knife.....poor guy wasn't even wearing a red shirt!
OK. Now about Holland. I'll be arriving in Amsterdamn in a couple of weeks. Unless the schedule changes, I'll be at the Security Company office at 2:00 PM on Friday, the 16th of January. I still have to do that training mission for the Republic, and once that wraps up I'll leave Tijuana, and get over to Amsterdamn to get that trunk box for you. We expect the training mission to end that week.
I'm sorry I can't do this earlier, but this training mission is something that Commodore Mendez would really like to see me do. In a way, I'm looking forward to working with these up-and-coming trainees.....I have this feeling that I should check the baffle plate on that ship though.
I really don't think that you need to call me right now. Everything is under control. Plus, you keep having bad luck when you try to call. But if you really want to talk to me, let me know, and we'll schedule a time. You'll still need to use the CODEPHRASE though.
I'll let your attorney know of my latest plans. Tell him to check his email.
Right now I need to sign off......I invited Ensign Chekov to join me for a drink.....I've got to ask him if all these crazy stories about Captain Kirk are true.....that might not help matters any, as that I hear that Mr Chekov screams a lot for no reason.
Captain Pike
Captain Christopher Pike
Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2004 12:29:34 -0800 (PST)
To: "amodu richard"
Dear Mr. Barrister,
Attn;
Complement of the season to you too.
Please notify the director of the security company that I will be there in his office in Amsterdamn at 2:00 PM on Friday, the 16th of January, to claim the trunk box.
I will be taking six men with me to help carry the box.
Since the box is of great value to Mr. Bamu, my men will be carrying weapons to protect the contents.
DO NOT CALL ME ON THE TELEPHONE.
Also, there is no need for the director to call me. We will be in his office at 2:00 PM on Friday the 16th.
I again repeat, DO NOT CALL ME ON THE TELEPHONE. If you do, this deal is off.
thanks,
Captain Christopher Pike
Isaac Bamu
Date: Tue, 6 Jan 2004 00:48:36 -0800 (PST) Subject: PLEASE TELL ME WHEN YOU WILL BE IN THE OFFICE SO THAT I WILL CALL YOU. X-Originating-Ip: [80.88.128.12]
Dear Chrstopher Pike
Congratulations and Congratulation for the promotion and i thank God for you however you are welcome from your trip we have to give thanks to God almighty for his mercy.Yes in regard to the issue of talking to you please it is very important that i speak with you before you travell to Holland and again i would like you to call the security company and inform them that you are coming on the 16th of january please,i have my reasons so for them to be aware that you are coming.
Morr importantly it is good you tell when you will be in the office so that i will tell you the time iam going to call you.Thank you and my regards to your well wishes.
Best regards MR.ISAAC BAMU(NO TENGO COJONES)
Captain Christopher Pike
Date: Wed, 7 Jan 2004 07:39:01 -0800 (PST)
Dear Mr Isaac,
TENGO GRAVITAS
Thank you for your kind words regarding my promotion. I'm still trying to find out just what the hell it is that a "Fleet Captain" is supposed to do. I've done some research on this rank. They've only given that rank to Captain Garth of Izar, who I read about while I was taking classes at the Academy. There's some rumor that Captain Garth was sent off to some insane asylum, but no one here wants to talk about it. I hope there isn't any bad luck associated with being a "Fleet Captain", because if something bad were to happen to me then they might not want to give that rank out to anyone anymore.
That reminds me, I need to check that baffle plate on the USS Republic....if those things ever go out, all sorts of bad things can happen. There can be all sorts of crippling radiation that can injure you badly. I don't even want to think about what can happen if a baffle plate goes. We lost the USS Antares due to a warped baffle plate. Some people think that this 17 year old kid named Charlie Evans might have had something to do with it, but then all sorts of wierd things happened with Charlie Evans when Captain Kirk picked him up from the Antares. I hear they got rid of Charlie Evans somehow.....or that he was "taken away".....that was truly a bizarre story. I won't go into any further detail, I could hardly believe it myself.
OK. Back to the business at hand.
First, I emailed your attorney, but I haven't heard from him. I asked him to call the director of the security company in Amsterdamn to let him know that I was coming. Has he done anything? No. I think we need to fire your attorney, and get mine involved. I can have my attorney call the security company if you want me to. I can't make any outgoing international calls here, but I can get hold of my attorney and give him the instructions.
Second, what do you want me to do with the trunk box once I pick it up? I'm bringing six men to help me carry it. You never told me how big it was, so I figure that I need six of Captain Kirk's red-shirted goons to help me. Getting the men won't be a problem, as that I can pull rank on Captain Kirk. Those men would be safer with me than they would with him. We can take that trunk box to any location that we want, but you need to tell me what to do with it once I pick it up. I don't want to bring it back here to Mexico, because Commodore Mendez might see it and he might ask me what's inside of it.
Third, I take the Republic out on a training mission early next week. We leave Monday night, and we come back Wednesday morning. Right after that I'll get over to Amsterdamn.
Please email me and let me know what you want me to do with the trunk box.
Don't worry, everything is going according to plan. I really don't think you need to call me, but if you do, I think Friday would be a good day for it. If you call, you'd better use the CODEPHRASE. We don't want any more incidents here at the Tijuana office.....the people here think there have been enough of them, and I don't think they want another.
best regards,
Captain Pike
Isaac Bamu
Date: Thu, 8 Jan 2004 02:52:59 -0800 (PST) Subject: PLEASE BE IN THE OFFICE AS I WILL CALL YOU BY 6PM TOMORROW FRIDAY
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
Good day and how are you,i saw your mail and i can understand every word you wrote.Yes regarding the issue of how big the (TRUNK BOX)is, is not all that big that you needed to go with six men to carry this box it si some thing you can handle yourself and as you said that you did not want to carry the trunk box to Mexico because you never want Commodore Mendez to know what is in the box,fine i will like you to deposit this box in any place you feel is safe.
However i am thinking or suggesting that i need to call you because since we have started this transaction we have not talk so i am calling you by 6pm our local time hear in Congo tomorrow friday.My Attorney was with me this morning and he said that he has called the director of the security company and ask him to call you so there is no need of telling your Attorney to call the director.
Finally i am calling you by 6pm our local time i will be happy if you can make out time to be around so that the secertary will start turning me up and down please,my good friend please i am pleading to you to co-operate with the security comany's director because you know that this transaction is long now and as you can know that the moment you collect this trunk box from the security company and deposit it to any where you know that is safe then i will resign my appointment from here and come over to meet with you and invest my own share of the fund in any business you feel is viable.Expect my call by 6pm tomorrow benig friday 8th january 2004.Thank you for the effort you have put so far in this transaction.
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU(NO TENGO COJONES)
Barrister Richard Amodu
Date: Thu, 8 Jan 2004 03:34:11 -0800 (PST)
Subject: LET ARRANGE THINGS VERY WELL BEFORE YOU MOVE
To: "Captain Christopher Pike"
Attn;Captain Christopher Pike,
happy new year to you, i dont real understand what you are doing towards this deal,first you dont want me to call you and you dont want the security officer to call you,it will not be possible for the transaction to move smooth without them hearing from you before you move down to holland.
please that idea of going with your men should cancel,the box is a small type,you dont need people to help you carry it, it is very important you talk with the security officer because already i have told them but still they want speak with you,is either you call the security company or you tell me to call you,they are doing this so that you will not miss in the airport in holland, please reply now so that i will know which way to follow,
best regards,
BARRISTER RICHARD AMODU
Captain Christopher Pike
Thu Jan 8 07:06:48 2004
To: "amodu richard"
Subject: Re: LET ARRANGE THINGS VERY WELL BEFORE YOU MOVE
Dear Mr Barrister,
My concern is that if the security company calls, they will NOT use the CODEPHRASE, which will result in a security incident in my firm, and I will again be placed under protective custody. Such an incident will delay the transaction by one week, possibly two weeks. We don't want that to happen again. I do a lot of special assignments here in Mexico, we don't always talk about what we do here, and our identities are strictly protected.
Second, Mr. Isaac is calling me tomorrow. I don't know why he wants to call me. I personally think that all of this can be handled by email. Mr. Isaac knows how to use the CODEPHRASE; you do not, and therefore I only want him to call.
I will be in Amsterdamn on Friday, the 16th of January. I will call the director of the security company when I get to Amsterdamn. I really don't understand why he needs to talk to me before I go, as that everything is under control.
Don't worry about missing me at the airport. That won't happen. We use the transporter, and that will get us wherever we need to go.
If you have any more questions, please email me.
thanks,
Fleet Captain Christopher Pike
Captain Christopher Pike
Dear Mr. Isaac,
TENGO GRAVITAS
I finally heard from your attorney. I told him to call the director of the security company, which he said he did. He wants me to call the director of the security company, but I keep telling him that my outgoing calls are monitored, and for him to make the arrangements himself. He also says he does not understand me.
I don't get it. An attorney has to understand transactions and instructions. This guy, well he's probably gotten hold of some Romulan ale. We have a hard enough time getting hold of Romulan ale here, I don't know how the hell you people in Africa are able to get it.
Is your attorney a member of the Congolese HonkyTonk Bar Association? That might explain things if he is.
Anyway, here is what is happening.
I am arriving in the office of the security company in Amsterdamn at 2:00 PM, on Friday the 16th of January. All of the arrangements have been made. I will call the director once I arrive in Amsterdamn, and then I show up at the office and pick up the (TRUNK BOX).
Now here's something I don't understand. You have this (TRUNK BOX) with $20 million dollars in it, and your attorney says that this (TRUNK BOX) is small. I don't get it. That's a lot of money to be carrying around, and I don't see how you can fit this much cash inside of a small (TRUNK BOX). I checked out the catalog of the Drinkwater Trading Company to look at their pictures of (TRUNK BOX)es, and those things are heavy sons of bitches! I'll need at least six men to help me carry one of these, and your attorney is telling me not to bring them!
Anyway, I now figured out what to do with this (TRUNK BOX). Right after we get it, we'll take it down to the Congo for you. As soon as we pick it up, we can beam on down to the Congo and deliver it straight to your house. All you need to do is tell me where your house is.....I don't think you understand how our coordinate system works, but if you send me your street address we'll figure out how to get there. We can be there that same Friday night if you wish, but you'll probably want to go out dancing with ladies who dance in very grand clothes instead. I don't blame you. I'd rather be doing that myself.
Once we get this to your house, we'll divvy up the money. I can have my men help you transport this money to Mexico if you wish. I'll make them ditch the red shirts if that will make you feel better. And when we get to Mexico, you can do one of two things. You can retire, and tell the ladies there that you don't dance inside, or I can talk to Commodore Mendez about giving you a job. Please note that if Commodore Mendez gives you a job, do not let him assign you to Captain Kirk. If Captain Kirk gets ahold of you, he'll make you wear a red shirt, take you somewhere, and then you'll never be heard from again.
Now about your phone call tomorrow. Please make sure that you use the CODEPHRASE. The codephrase is NO TENGO COJONES. Yeoman Colt is scheduled to be my secretary on duty, and I'll let her know that a CODEPHRASE call is coming in. If she isn't there, the substitute secretary will still know what to do with a CODEPHRASE call. You absolutely, positively, MUST USE THE CODEPHRASE or your call WILL NOT GO THROUGH.
I really rather you didn't call, as that you don't have the best of luck. But at least you follow instructions, and you're the only one that I trust right now. I will be expecting your call, and if you have problems getting through, please keep trying.
Just between you and me, they have this strange zoo back on Talos IV with all of these weird animals. I think we should take your attorney there.
best regards,
Captain Pike
[NOTE to readers: the reference to the Drinkwater Trading Company is my way of acknowledging the anti-scamming efforts of fellow scambaiter "J. Dog", who actually has set up a website where he has created a fictitious company that handles offshore investments. He also had a web page with photos of trunk boxes. I wish there was a way that I could meet him in person, to share some Romulan ale.but for security reasons we scambaiters do not know each others true identities or locations.]
Isaac Bamu
Subject: I AM CALLING YOU BY 6PM TODAY 9TH JANUARY 2004
Originating-Ip: [192.116.107.72]
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
Thank you for your mail and my friend there is something i do not understand,you said to my Attorney that you are going to travell with six men with arms to collect this trunk box.Please when this trunk box was deposited by the help of my brother who is a capatin and my Attorney they did not use any arms and i do not know why you are saying that you will use arms.If you know you are not travelling to Holland alone and collect this trunk box please never go there to put me in trouble.
Regarding to your statement to bring the trunk box to my country i will not be a party to that so when i call you i will explain why you should not come to my country Congo at all.In my first letter i told you that this money its only me that know the pravite save of the late president.I can not understand you again and please stop insulting my Attorney and my conutry if you know you are not assisting again you let me know when i call you.My friend i want you to go alone and collect the trunk box.Thank you and God bless
Best regards MR.ISAAC BAMU(NO TENGO COJONES)
Barrister Richard Amodu
Fri Jan 9 06:08:07 2004
Subject: LET ARRANGE THINGS VERY WELL BEFORE YOU MOVE
ATTN;Captain Christopher Pike,
This is to let you know that the reason why the security company officer needs to talk with you is because,according him,he said there is a fee which surpose to be balance to them before you will make the claim of the box in their custody, if that is case should i ask him how much it will be so that they will not call you then it will warrant another delay again. i undertsant what you are saying,but they are also protecting their company.
i will also ask for the officer e-mail address,if it is possible i will send it accross to you so that you send them mail and it will be official that you are coming by the company,because as i am telling them,they are feeling it is like last year when,i will told them you are coming still you will not. please let me hear from you today very important, NOTE;please how many of you are going there?it most not be as you said with sex people. [NOTE TO READERS: "sex people", eh? Well see about that!] i am waiting to hear from you soon,
best regards,
Barrister Richard Amodu
Captain Christopher Pike
Dear Mr Bamu,
TENGO GRAVITAS
Although I do not think very highly of your attorney, I have in no way ever insulted your COUNTRY. Your attorney introduced a delay in this when he failed to follow proper instructions with the CODEPHRASE. I was angry with him when that happened, but for the sake of this transaction I will put that aside.
As for the six men using arms, there's a lot of money at stake here and I want to protect it. Remember, it's your money, and I think you should feel grateful that I care enough about you and your money to want to go to great lengths to protect it.
Anyway, it's now morning here in Mexico, and I'm waiting for your call. We'll discuss it then.
regards,
Captain Pike
Isaac Bamu
Sat Jan 10 02:09:48 2004
Subject: HANDLE THIS TRANSACTION ALONE AND FORGET THE 6 MEN.
Dear Captain Christopher Pike.
Good day my good friend how are you today,i called you as i told you yesterday and the person you stationed as the secertary never want to connect me to you.I called you 5 good times and each time they carry the phone i mentioned the code correctly but they always turn me down,i want you to give me time that you will be in the office from next week before you travell to Holland.
Regarding to issue of the six men to travell with you i think you should cancell the idear because it is in one metalic box that you can handle yourself.,there is no need for this security to follow you so that you need not to waste money.Yes it is my money and you are to be conpersated with 30% of the money,and that of bringing the money to Congo is not ideal because nobody knows about this transaction here in my country i want you to handle this yourself and i will come over to meet with you and invest my own share of the money in any viable business.This money is for both of us as you have agree to assist me collect the TRUNK BOX that contain the money.I must thank you for the effort you have put so far.I await your reply to know when i will call you next week.
Best regards MR.ISAAC BAMU.
Captain Christopher Pike
Mon Jan 12 11:44:17 2004
Subject: Re: LET ARRANGE THINGS VERY WELL BEFORE YOU MOVE
To: "amodu richard"
ATTN;Mr Barrister,
I do not understand your message below.
What do you mean by "sex people"?
I realize that there is a prostitution industry in Amsterdamn, but I am not bringing any prostitutes with me when I come to claim the trunk box.
If there are any fees involved, please go ahead and pay the security company, and Mr. Bamu will reimburse you once we recover the trunk box.
If you have any further questions, please email me. I will not be reachable by telephone.
I will call the director of the security company on Friday, 1:30 PM, to get directions to the office. I will arrive in his office at 2:00 PM.
regards,
Captain Pike
Captain Christopher Pike
Mon Jan 12 12:21:54 2004
Dear Mr Bamu,
TENGO GRAVITAS
I think we have a problem here.
Below is an email which is purported to be from you, however, it DOES NOT contain the CODEPHRASE. I have no way of knowing whether or not this email is really from you. I am confused since in your original letter you offered me 15%, where below it says 30%. Which is it?
At this end we have a really strange situation. Commodore Mendez has heard all sorts of crazy stories about Captain Kirk and his crew, and he's asked me to investigate whether or not Captain Kirk is fit for command. He heard that weird story about Joe Tormolen killing himself, and the fact that Lieutenant Sulu chased people with the sword has really gotten him upset. We also heard that Captain Kirk was hanging around some gangsters, trying to cheat them in a card game called fizzbin!
We've also got some questions about his new navigator, Ensign Chekov. We're wondering about him too. Turns out that Ensign Chekov took Lieutenant Uhura out on a date, where he bought her a pet called a "tribble". It really isn't good form for crewmembers to be dating one another....then again, since Captain Kirk gropes Janice Rand every time someone launches a torpedo, what else can you expect? We've also heard that Chekov screams a lot.....a group of six Klingons recently grabbed Chekov. Two of them held him, while a third took a Norelco electric razor and started shaving Chekov! Chekov screamed quite a bit.....I don't know how familiar you are with Norelco razors or if you even have them in the Congo, but there's no way they're going to hurt you. We're really getting disturbed at Chekov for screaming when they did that to him. There's also this one story of Chekov screaming when he saw this corpse on display somewhere....he came running out of the room screaming. Hell, it was a corpse of someone who died of old age.....maybe prematurely, but old age nonetheless.
Maybe we shouldn't worry about Chekov. I don't know. Captain Kirk has had trouble with navigators. Lieutenant Bailey left to take a job serving as a representative to the First Federation. Lieutenant Stiles didn't like Spock because Spock was "different". (I could explain that, but I won't.....you wouldn't believe his ears if I did....) Lieutenant Riley had these delusions about being Captain while Sulu was chasing people with the sword, and he didn't last long after that. If Ensign Chekov is going to stay a while, maybe we should look the other way when he screams.....at least he's lasting longer in that job than the others, and I think not wearing a red shirt helps.
It's too bad that Captain Garrovick is no longer alive. James Kirk once served under him, when he was a Lieutenant. I sure would like to ask Captain Garrovick some questions.
Now back to the business at hand.
I really got confused by the last letter that I got from your attorney. He said something about "sex people", and I told him that I'm not bringing any prostitutes with me to Amsterdamn. I did give him the go ahead to pay any fees that are applicable, and that we would repay him once we got the (TRUNK BOX).
Speaking of that (TRUNK BOX), do you have a picture of it? Does your attorney have a picture of it? I'm now curious as to how big it really is.
My current plans are to arrive in Amsterdamn on Friday. I will call the director of the security company once I get there, to get directions on how to get to his office. I'm bringing a tricorder so that I can scan the contents of it without having to open it. If that looks good, then I'll sign for it and be on my way.
I leave tonight for the training mission, and I'll be back on Wednesday. That reminds me, I need to check that baffle plate.....I keep forgetting. You won't be able to reach me via the telephone until Wednesday.
Speaking of the telephones, we've been having lots of problems lately. We're not sure, but we think that anyone who tried to call us last Friday had their call go to a wrong number. It's being investigated. I hope that they get this problem fixed by the time I get back on Wednesday morning. You might want to try calling me on Wednesday in case you weren't able to get through on Friday.
That's it for now. I hope all is well at your end.
regards,
Fleet Captain Christopher R. Pike
PS: When you guys play card games in the Congo, do you play fizzbin? Is that a popular game there? I don't play it myself....there are way too many rules to keep track of in that game.
Barrister Richard Amodu
Tue Jan 13 02:53:41 2004
Subject: let me hear from you today
To: "Captain Christopher Pike"
Attn;Captain Christopher,
this is to let you know that what i mean is the sixth men which you said will be going with you to amsterdam,because the transaction is secretly confidential and the security company may think you want to come and rubb them,and they will also try to think if the content is money,please it is not adviseable to go with them only you can handle it. regarding the issue of the fee,we have paid all the initial fee but the only one you will ask from the security company officer maybe handling or dumorrage fee before they will release the trunk to you. we have done all we own part ,the remining is for you to finish it.
i wait to hear from you,
Barrister Richard Amodu
Isaac Bamu
Tue Jan 13 04:19:34 2004
Subject: PLEASE ASSIST ME TO THE END AS YOU HAVE STARTED
Dear Christopher Pike
Good day my good friend how are you doing overthere i hope all is well with you am okay just that i am not happy with your going to Holland with weapons and some six men please i will advise you go alone and collect the Trunk Box it is not all that big so my brother you have agree to assist me to collect the BOX then you deposit it to any where you feel is safe so that when i finally resign my appointment i will meet you for my own share of the money.This business is not know to any other person except you and me.
My friend i will like to big you for something and that thing is that if you are asked to pay any money in Holland please kindly help me because i am financally down after i have deposited this trunk box and the Attorneys fee i am left with nothing again.I would not like a situation where we will be misunderstand at all so if you are going to assist methen go ahead and help me in everything you are asked to do and when you collect this trunk you will remove the money you spend before you deposit the remaning money in the trunk box untill i come over to meet with you.At this stage of this transaction i am pleading to you to do everything to see that you get this trunk box out because it is where my hope is now as i have spend all my life saving on this very business,please my friend according to what you said i wrote on my email about the percentage i am very sorry its 15% thank you and God bless you.
Best regards.
MR.ISAAC BAMU.(KNOW TENGO CONJONES)
Captain Christopher Pike
Wed Jan 14 11:00:53 2004 To: "amodu richard" Attn;Mr Barrister,
Don't worry, the transaction will be kept confidential.
Please go ahead and pay the demurrage fee, and make sure that you get a receipt. We'll reimburse you if you have a receipt. It helps if you will tell me ahead of time how much this fee will be.
I will call the security company at 1:30 PM to get directions on where to meet. I will be in the director's office at 2:00 PM. Please make sure the director will be available to take my call, and will be available for the meeting.
thanks, Captain Pike
Captain Christopher Pike
Wed Jan 14 11:12:44 2004
Dear Mr Bamu,
TENGO GRAVITAS
We are back from the training mission! I have to go out one more time this evening, and after that I will travel to Amsterdamn. I told your attorney to go ahead and pay the fees, and that he will be paid back once I get the trunk box.
I will call the director of the security company at 1:30 PM this coming Friday. The trunk box will be picked up at 2:00 PM, after which it will be brought to a safe house here in Mexico.
The training mission went well. Of course, I forgot to check the baffle plate, but we did not encounter any problems. I have to take the cadets out one more time this evening. I still need to check that baffle plate; every time I think about it I get distracted.
Please call my office on Monday, with the CODEPHRASE. I will be back by then. Our telephone problems have been straightened out, and this time it will ring directly to my desk. MAKE SURE you use the codephrase NO TENGO COJONES when you call, so that I will know that it is you. If you do not use the CODEPHRASE, I will drop the phone. We still need to maintain strict security measures, until we figure out what to do with the money.
It's really exciting, knowing that this transaction is about to come to such a stunning conclusion. It was a lot of hard work, but the reward will be well worth it.
Commodore Mendez has not even bothered to ask me why I'm going to Amsterdamn. He's very busy investigating all that strange behavior from Captain Kirk and his men. The latest rumor is that Captain Kirk stole the clothes of this female doctor named Janice Lester, and then he put them on! He went around thinking he was her, and she went around thinking that she was him!
It's been very crazy here, and I can't wait to get out of here to go to Amsterdamn.
Hey, when you resign your position, don't forget to walk over to your boss, slap him in the face, and call him a son of a bitch.
regards,
Fleet Captain Christopher R. Pike
[NOTE to readers: This was Captain Pikes last email to the lads. After he sent this, he went out on one last training mission, where he was severely injured by delta rays when the baffle plate ruptured.]
Isaac Bamu
Thu Jan 15 06:21:42 2004
Subject: PLEASE ASSIST ME TO THE LAST BY TAKING CARE OF ANY BILL FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY
Dear Captain Christoper Pike
Thank you for your mail and i am happy that you are back from the mission in good faith.My dear friend i understand everything you wrote on your mail,regarding what you said that my Attorney will take care of bill that might orginate from the security company,my friend it is not so i have spend a lot of money and i am still owning the Attorney so please i am pleading to you that any bill that comes from the security company please assist me to settle the bill i have spend a lot of money to see that this TRUNK BOX leaves my countyr Congo and i am ready to add more percentage to the first percentage so my brother this transaction is at the last hurdle now try to assist me fully.Thank you and God bless you.
Best regards MR.ISAAC BAMU
Barrister Richard Amodu
Thu Jan 15 11:43:51 2004
Subject: let me hear from you today
Attn;Captain Christopher,
please note that you have to balance them with the sum of european 16,500 eurs .
please try and hand it with you while going to meet the officer,acccording to them,if you didn't come with it,i dont think they will release the box to you.
i wish you good luck while going, try and reach me today,
best regards,
Barrister Richard Amodu
[NOTE: Throughout the course of this, I was wondering when they would get around to mentioning how much money that they wanted. They finally mention a figure.]
Isaac Bamu
Tue Jan 20 02:27:18 2004 Subject: WHY DID YOU TREAT ME SO Dear Captain Cheistopher Pike
Good day and how are you doing i hope everything is okay.You have collected the TRUNK BOX and you did not care to email me again but you will remember that this is not our agreement.I need to hear from you to know how i will be meeting you up to collect my own share of the money. Thank you and God bless you
Best regards
MR ISAAC BAMU.
[NOTE: Yeah.right..like there really was a trunk box! This tinhorns insisting hes been cheated! Well, he has been in a way..]
Isaac Bamu
Wed Jan 21 04:03:36 2004 To: "Captain Christopher Pike" Subject: PLEASE GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY (NO TENGO COJONES)
Dear
Good day my friend,how are you i email you yesterday i hope you received the mail.Please can you email me and let me know what is going on because i can not understand the whole situation.I would be grateful if you email me and tell me what is going on,thank you and God bless you as i await your reply urgently.You know that we are at the last hurdle now.
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU(NO TENGO COJONES)
Isaac Bamu
Fri Jan 23 02:06:44 2004 To: "Captain Christopher Pike" Subject: PLEASE I NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU(NO TENGO COJONES)
Dear Captain Christopher Pike
Good day and how are you, i hope all is well with you.What happened i could not hear from you for quite a long time now please my good friend have collected the TRUNK BOX and you never want to let me know how far you have gone.Can you please reply my mails thank you as i await your email.
Best regards
MR.ISAAC BAMU(NO TENGO COJONES)
Isaac Bamu
Mon Jan 26 00:41:15 2004 Subject: REQUESTING FOR POWER OF ATTORNEY(NO TENGO COJONES)
Dear Christopher Pike
I must confess to you that i am not happy how you handle this transaction after all the arrangement i have putting in place,all of a sudden you fail to travell to Holland for onward claims of the consignment at the security votes.After all my efforts i have been turn down by you. Please if i may ask can you send to me POWER OF ATTORNEY to enable me seak for a more serious and depenable business man,who will understand the benefit in ths transaction and purse it with more seriousness and committiment.In the other way round i am expecting LETTER OF ATTORNEY from you as you receive this mail i hope to hear from you.
Best regards
MR. ISAAC BAMU.(NO TENGO COJONES)
[NOTE: I guess its time for Commodore Mendez to break the news to them.]
Commodore Jose Mendez
Date: Mon, 26 Jan 2004 07:34:35 -0800 (PST) Subject: ATTN: Friends of Captain Pike To: Isaac Bamu Dear Friends of Captain Pike,
It is my sad duty to inform all of you that Captain Christopher Pike has been seriously injured in a training accident.
He was recently promoted to Fleet Captain, and assigned to instruct and train cadets. Part of his training duties included supervising the cadets aboard the USS Republic, which was retired from active service five years ago.
On the evening of the 14th of January, Captain Pike took the cadets out for one last run.
During this exercise, a defective baffle plate ruptured, which allowed delta rays to escape the containment field. Captain Pike, upon this incident, heroically saved all of the cadets, thus exposing himself to serious radiation. All of the cadets lives were saved, however Captain Pike was seriously injured, and there appears to be little hope of recovery at this time.
Captain Pike is currently in a life support wheelchair. He is unable to speak, use the telephone, or the computer. He is allowed visitors, but all visitors are cautioned about his condition before they are allowed to proceed.
Captain Pike remains on active duty with us. At this time, we are currently assessing his job skills in an attempt to match his current capabilities with available assignments. He already has a job offer as a front loading washing machine, though as his commanding officer I would rather see him become a bill changer or an ATM.
Those of you who would like to send Captain Pike a card may do so at the following address:
Avenida de los Maricones #69
Colonia Chichis Muchas Grandes
Tijuana, BC, Mexico
A photograph of Captain Pike is being attached with this email.
Please keep Captain Pike in your thoughts and prayers.
respectfully,
Commodore Jose I. Mendez
Starbase 11
Colonia Scamorama
Tijuana, BC, Mexico
[FINAL NOTE TO READERS: I waited one week before compiling this, mainly to see if the lads would write back to either Commodore Mendez or Captain Pike. They were never heard from again. Commodore Mendez wrote from a separate account which has not been made public in any guestbook. It will be interesting to see if at some point in the future, the Commodores email is referred to another lad for another attempt at a "business relationship".
I had a lot of fun doing this, but I was really getting tired of these lads towards the end. Im glad that this is now off my hands. During the course of this, my close friends who were following this story kept telling me that I had too much time on my hands. I think they were right. My future plans are to spend more quality time with members of the opposite sex, who dance in very grand clothes.]