SMURFS 5, LADS 0

And we always thought smurfs were sweet, inoffensive creatures...
From a kindly contributor in Finland (where the men are men, and the schlümpfes know it):
here's a letter I recently got and two of my replies (which were replied with a fake identity; Jörö Brummbär (Jörö is the Finnish name of Grumpy dwarf and Brummbär is the German), this is ongoing correspondence. Schlumpfe = Smurf in German.

[ Note from ScamO: Here is a great web page for getting the umlauts and so on to display correctly by brute force:
http://www.natural-innovations.com/boo/doc-charset.html
By Walter Ian Kaye 

    From: "MARIAM ABACHA" (mrsmabacha@qrio.com)
    Date: Wed, 22 May 2002 00:21:07 -0700
    Subject: SEEKING HONEST ASSOCIATE

    ATTN:

    SEEKING HONEST ASSOCIATE

    Pardon me for contacting you through this medium and
    in this manner without any prior introduction. This is
    due to circumstances beyond my control. I had to bribe
    the prison attendants to secretly allow me open an
    email address from the computer in their office. My
    name is Alhaji Mohammed Sani Abacha, the eldest
    surviving son of the late Nigerian Head of State,
    General Sani Abacha. I am currently in detention on
    the orders of the current Nigerian government at the
    Kirikiri Maximum Security Prisons, Lagos on what is to
    me, on political grounds.

    You would have read some of the news recently of how
    the present government claims that my late father
    looted their treasury before he died. Well, you can
    see some of them at the following websites:
    http//news.bbc.co.uk; www.bobminton.org.

    Since the assumption of power by the present civilian
    government in Nigeria, my entire family has known no
    peace. The present government has set out to humiliate

    and persecute my late father's family and associates
    for both real and imagined sins' of my late father.
    They have confiscated all the assets they could lay
    hands on, frozen the family's bank accounts both here
    and abroad and generally emasculate the members of my
    family.

    All these victimization and more have left me, my
    siblings and most especially my widowed mother in a
    very difficult situation in the battle for survival.
    In view of this experience and in order to avoid
    further decimation of the family's fortunes, my mother
    and I have decided to entrust a reasonable part of the
    family's hidden funds under the care of a trustworthy
    foreigner for safekeeping.

    Her major problem is that while I am in detention my
    mother's movements and access are restricted since she
    is virtually under house arrest and constantly
    monitored. This explains my having to contact you
    through clandestine sources.

    Let me therefore inform you in the utmost confidence
    that before the freezing of certain key bank accounts
    in Nigeria, we were able through a technical
    arrangement to withdraw monies totaling
    US$45,000,000.00 (Forty Five Million U.S. Dollars
    Only) which was immediately moved out of the country
    through the help of some of my late father's close
    associates who are still serving in the present
    government. It is both my wish and my mother's that
    you assist us in the safekeeping of these monies. My
    mother will be able to discuss with you if the proper
    arrangements are made through our lawyer, Messr
    abdulsan and abdulsan & Co. (Legal Practitioners &
    Notaries Public). Note that all correspondence between
    us shall be through the lawyer, contact directly the
    most senior partner.

    CHIEF hamed bala(SAN)
    bala & bala & CO.
    (Legal Practitioners & Notaries Public)
    e-mail:hamed_808_bala@yahoo.com
    Tele phone; +234-80-33223121.

    I have arranged and agreed with my mother that 25% of
    the total sum will be for you for your kind
    assistance, while 5% of the total sum have been
    earmarked for expenses that might be incured both
    local and international in the course of the whole of
    the whole transaction, including calls made either by
    you or both. But please note that this request is
    contingent on your undertaking that you shall make the
    funds available to my mother on demand as a primary
    condition prior to the commencement of this
    transaction.

    This email address is my only source of communication.

    You can contact the attorney directly as all the
    information is already with him. Please keep me posted
    via email as I will be looking forward to your
    favorable response.

    Regards,

    ALHAJI MOHAMMED SANI ABACHA

GRUMPY DWARF TO MOHAMMED

 Date: Thu, 23 May 2002 09:47:27 +0100 (BST)
From: "Jörö Brummbär"
Subject: Re:
To: "hamed bala" (hamed_808_bala@yahoo.com)

Dear Mr Sani Abacha,

I read your e-mail with GREAT interest and was appalled to read about the fate of your honourable family and their hard-earned cash that they've had to work for with blooded knuckles. Some people just cannot appreciate the hard-work and long days of despots.

But I'm quite confused how I could help you out, I'm a simple man of simple means, as I am a clergy at a local Schlümpfe shelter near Tromsö in Norway. We also breed schlümpfes and could have great use of this sum of money you mentioned, as we are currently renovating the houses of orphan schlümpfes that we've found in the woods near to my castle.

Please send further instructions AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, and excuse my bad English...perhaps you or your lawyer speak Swedish, French or German?

Best regards, Jörö Brummbär, GM and Schlümpfe-extraordinaire

MOHAMMED TO GRUMPY DWARF

 

    Date:  Thu, 23 May 2002 00:14:18 -0700 (PDT)
    From:  "hamed bala" 
    Subject: FROM THE ATTORNEY
    To: "Jörö Brummbär"

    Dear Joro,
     Thanks for contacting me and your interest to assist
    my client.
     I am will be transacting this business on behalf of
    the abacha family as i have been given the mandate.
     The fact about this transaction is that already the
    funds has been deposited with security company in
    Holland and you will be expected to travel to Holland
    to clear and pick up the funds.,
     I will send you every documents covering the funds so
    that you do not face any difficulties and problem.
     But before i give you more details,i will advice that
    you forward you private tel number immediately so that
    we can have one on one conversation.
     Let me hear from you asap.
    Regards,
    Ahmed Bala

GRUMPY DWARF TO MOHAMMED

 Date: Thu, 23 May 2002 09:47:27 +0100 (BST)
From: "Jörö Brummbär"
Subject: Re: FROM THE ATTORNEY
To: "hamed bala" (hamed_808_bala@yahoo.com)

Dear Mr Bala,

Thank you for your quick reply. First I feel the need to clarify my name, my first name given to me by God is Jörö, and here in north Norway were people are humble servants of God, we must be addressed by the names given to us by God. If you cannot write 'ö' on your computer I would kindly ask you to spell it Joeroeoe, or if you feel it is too early to call me by my first name address me by my last name Brummbär with appropriate titles. It might seem like a small thing but for the servants of God it is important that we are adressed by the names given to us by God.

Are you a servant of the Lord, Mr Bala? I need to know before we can continue this business transaction.

I'm not sure I understood what you have written me; I should travel by aeromachine to this Holland to pick up the 45 000 000 Only? I'm not sure I could carry this much money, I'm quite old and my leg was severed by a rabid schlümpfe that me and my man servant, Pål Gargamel, tried to catch last fall.

I'm not sure what you know about north Norway Mr Bala, but phone lines are very rare here. I live alone in my old castle, with my man servant, Pål Gargamel, and we have to walk into the local village for local people, Royston Vasey, every day in order to get access to this Internet. The winters are very harsh and my castle do not have phone lines as they are unreliable and it is dangerous to fix them during the winters because of the wild schlümpfes roaming the woods.

I hate to ask this from a respectable attorney like yourself, Mr Bala, but how will the travel costs be covered?

your humble servant,
Best regards,
Jörö Brummbär, GM, Servant of the One God and Schlümpfe-extraordinaire

MOHAMMED (HAMED BALA? MARIAM?) REPLIES

sez Grumpy Dwarf: here is my latest correspondence with this dimwit...

     Date:  Thu, 23 May 2002 13:56:09 -0700 (PDT)
     From: "hamed bala" 
     Subject: FROM THE ATTORNEY
     To: "Jörö Brummbär"

     Dear mr Brummbar,
      Thanks for your mail.I quite understand your
     situation but there is no way this transaction can be
     completed without you travelling to pick up the funds.
      On the alternative,i will advice that you enquire
     from the security/finance of the possibility of
     transfering the consignment directly to you.
      If that will be convinent for you,get back to me so
     that i can give you the contact information of the
     company in Holland.
     Regards,
     Hamed Bala

GRUMPY DWARF REPLIES

 Dear Mr Bala,

THANK YOU for the VERY SWIFT reply! I wish more attorneys could be as efficient as you! The local attorney, Azrael Pinkus (J.D), here in Royston Vasey is quite the little rascal, and it takes him AGES to reply to ANY letters. You're quick and eager attitude has convinced me that you are TRULY a servant of the LORD.

Now enough of the chit-chat and back to the issue at hand; but first about my name, it is Mr Brummbär, and not Mr Brummbar. But I think we can skip the titles, by this point, so PLEASE just call me Papa Joe, that's what my FRIENDS call me. And I think considering the nature of this business that to succeed we must TRUST eachother Ahmed, may I call you Ahmed?

I have spoken to my man servant, Pål Gargamel, he is completely trust worthy and very strong (almost like an ox, I think he can carry ALL the 40 000 000 US$ only from this security firm), and he has agreed to travel by aeromachine to Holland to pick up this 40 000 000 US$ Only. I have agreed to give him 15% of my share. He is most eager, he has long been longing for new clogs, but because he is only a mere man servant he has not had sufficient funds. Until now. He said he would also be interested in some jiggy-jiggy in Holland, because we get it very rarely here in North Norway, with all the harsh winters etc., the schlümpfes can't provide us with everything a man needs, but the thing is, that neither of us knows this country, Holland, very well. Will you be able to suggest some place for accomodation, some herbal cafeterias etc.? I do not want to send Pål into the mouth of the lion, if you know what I mean. He is very dear to me, almost like a son to me, although he is a little bit slow, if you know what I mean, and I do not want ANY HARM to come to him.

PLEASE REPLY ASAP WITH MORE DETAILS! We really, really, really need this MONEY ASAP!

BEST regards,
Yours,

Papa Joe

Jörö Brummbär
MD, Schlümpfe-extraordinaire

MRS MARIAM ABACHA STEPS IN

at this point technical help is called in to assist with umlauts and other things

     From: "Mrs mariam Abacha" 
     To: jbrummbaer@yahoo.co.uk
     Subject: message from mrs Abacha
     Date: Mon, 27 May 2002 00:34:25 -0900


     Dear Mr Brummbär,

      I was informed by my Attorney (Hamed bala) about your
     desire to help 
     me with my funds which now lies in the vault of a
     security firm in 
     Amsterdam holland,
      please note that the money with the firm is the last
     of my family 
     thus am beliving in you that you will do your best to
     see that things 
     work out perfectly as my Attorney has informed me that
     you are am 
     honest man, and as a result i should deal with you.

      Further more i want you to know that you should take
     what ever my 
     Attorney says to you as i have directed him to act on
     byhalf of 
     myself and family.

      I have attached my picture for you to see and know
     whom you are 
     dealing with, i also urge you to scan and send me
     yours so that i 
     will get to know you in return, am beliving in God
     that things will 
     work out smoothly.

     blessings,

     Dr mrs mariam Abacha.

     Note that your email address was given to me by my
     Attorney( Hamed Bala)

[there was an attachment with a picture of mrs abacha and another of the money (40 000 000 US$ Only)

BARRISTER IS BACK

 

     Date: Fri, 24 May 2002 12:11:40 -0700 (PDT) 
     From:"hamed bala"  
      Subject: FROM THE ATTORNEY 
     To:"Jörö Brummbär"

     Hello Papa Joe,
      Glad to hear from you.The content of your mail is
     well understood.If you are sending your man servant
     that means to pick up the consignment from the
     security company in Holland,that means you will
     provide his complete details such as
     1.His full name
     2.His contact address.

      This information will enable me prepare power of
     attorney giving him the full right and authourity to
     claim the funds.
      Moreso, You will give him money to clear the
     consignment from the security company.
      I advice that you call me on this number
     +234-8033223121 so that i give you details.Email will
     not be enough to explain better.
      Waiting for your call.
     Regards,
     Hamed Bala

GRUMPY DWARF BACK FROM TRAPPING SCHLÜMPFES

 Date: Mon, 27 May 2002 17:01:50 +0100 (BST)
From:"Jörö Brummbär"
Subject: FROM PAPA JOE
To:"hamed bala"

Dear Hamed,

I have UNDERSTOOD your e-mail as well. I'm sorry for getting back so late. Sunday has been busy with laying out schlümpfe traps, as we are nearing the busiest season. It has been a harsh winter and until now we have not been able to catch as many as we would have liked to.

I tried to call you this morning when I was in town, but there must be something strange with your phonelines in Nigeria because nomatter how I tried I did not get trough, it didn't even give a signal..but I will try again when I go into town the next time.

Thank Mrs Abacha for her KIND letter, and compliment her on her photo, she looks like a true servant of the LORD! Maybe when this is all over she will be able to vist my humble castle personally, we have great praying facilities here.

My man servant, Gargamel, sends his regards, he is very eager to go to Holland, I must say, he is hardly working, eating or praying any more just talking about the money and Holland.

As requested I have added to photos of me and my man servant, Pål Gargamel, I'm sorry if they are not very good but they were the only I had scanned on a floppy.

I have to go now, there are other local town folks who want to use the local computer (I have to use a local computer in the local shop, and the owners, Tubbs and Edward are very strict how long one can use the computer). I will get back to you soon.

God Bless You!

sincerely,
Papa Joe

[I attached a picture of Papa Joe (which was a picture of Finland's foreign minister) and one of Gargamel (which was a picture of the world strongest man)]

BARRISTER: WHEN CAN YOU COME TO HOLLAND?

 
     Date:  Mon, 27 May 2002 12:43:16 -0700 (PDT)
     From: "hamed bala" 
     Subject: FROM THE ATTORNEY
     To: "Jörö Brummbär" 


     Hello Papa Joe,
      Thanks for your mail and pictures.I have that rest of
     mind that you are genuine and glad to complete this
     transaction with you.
      I have already forwarded your picture and that of
     your man servant to mrs Mariam Abacha and she was
     pleased.
      Back to our transaction,i want you to inform me when
     you will be available to clear and pick up the funds
     in Holland so that i can send you the contact
     information of the security company in Holland and the
     document needed for you to clear the consignment.
      Let me hear from you asap.
     Regards,
     Hamed Bala

GRUMPY DWARF'S IMAGINARY LAWYER TO LAD'S IMAGINARY LAWYER: GRUMPY DWARF IS IN HOSPITAL

The smurf saga is closing in on the GRANDE FINAL:
hi,
So, I've been busy setting up the final pieces of this jigsaw of morons (some new shady characters have been introduced on both sides.). I have to finish it before my vacation starts.

Date: Thu, 30 May 2002 04:22:34 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Otan Poskeen"
Subject: TO THE ATTORNEY: IMPORTANT
To: hamed_808_bala@yahoo.com

Dear Mr Bala,

I was asked by our mutual acquaintance Jörö Brummbär, MD and Schlümpfe extraordinaire, to contact you as soon as possible. I am working as the master of hunt for Dr Brummbär, and has been given full authority by Dr Brummbär to finish off this transaction as soon as possible.

I sad to inform you that Dr Brummbär has had a nasty accident yesterday afternoon when he was hunting a specially dangerous schlümpfe, which had escaped, with his man servant, Pål Gargamel. Dr Brummbär fell down, under unspecified circumstances, an shaft in an old mine and was injured quite severely, although he will, if it is God's will, survive this terrible ordeal.

However, he will be confined to hospital in Ðøïnuúrstad for some time to come and therefore asked me to finish this transaction with you. If this arrangement is acceptable with you, I will travel to Holland with Dr Brummbär's man servant, Pål Gargamel to pick up the money. The reason for this wish by Mr Brummbär is that he is not sure that Mr Gargamel could finish the transaction with you because of his inept ability to speak English. I have spoken with Dr Brummbär and he has told me that he can arrange tickets for me and Mr Gargamel as soon as next week if this is OK with you.

yours sincerely,

Otan Poskeen
forester and master of schümpfe hunt

GRUMPY DWARF'S MANSERVANT TO LAD'S IMAGINARY LAWYER: SEND US MONEY!

 Date: Thu, 30 May 2002 12:39:18 +0100 (BST)
From: "Jörö Brummbär"
Subject: TO BALA
To: hamed_808_bala@yahoo.com

BALA,

IT IS ME GARGAMEL, MAN SERVANT IN DR BRUMMBÄR. TERRIBLE THING HAPPEN: DR BRUMMBÄR FALL DOWN HOLE IN GROUND YESTERDAY HUNT FOR EVIL SCHLÜMPFE. DR BRUMMBÄR ALMOST DIE AND LOCK TO HOSPITAL NOW 3 MONTHS. HE TELL FRIEND, OTAN, TO HELP YOU ME BRING MONEY FROM HOLLAND. YOU BALA MUST CONTACT OTAN NOW!! OTAN IS FRIEND TO DR BRUMMBÄR, YOU WRITE HIM NOW!! WE MUST HAVE MONEY, DR BRUMMBÄR MAY NEED OPERATION.

Otan's e-mail address is: XXXX

yours forever,

Pål Gargamel

LAD'S IMAGINARY LAWYER TO GRUMPY DWARF'S IMAGINARY LAWYER

 
Date:  Thu, 30 May 2002 09:22:06 -0700 (PDT)
From: "hamed bala"  (hamed_808_bala@yahoo.com)
Subject: Re: TO THE ATTORNEY: IMPORTANT
To: oposkeen@yahoo.com


Dear Otan Poskeen,

Thank for your mail,I was very suprise when I got your
mail since this business suppose to be a confidential
one which no other person or persons sholud know. But
When I got your mail from Brummbar's man servant,I
dicided to contact you. I am very sorry and worried
about Doctor's condition, I hope he will recover soon.
I am ready to do anything possible for his well being
cos is a very good man. I hope you should be like him.
However, we should hasten everything up so that we can
conclude the transiction and send some money for his
operation. The ball is now on your side. It is now
left for you to determine when we can conclude the
business. Whaen will you be ready to go to Holland? I
will also like you to give me you phone number if you
have any. Please as soon as you are ready to travel to
Holland, you should inform me so that I should give
you further directives on what is required. 

Please respond urgently to inform me about Doctor's
condition and when you are likely to travel.

Thanks 

Bala

LAD'S IMAGINARY LAWYER TO GRUMPY DWARF

 
Date:  Fri, 31 May 2002 03:18:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: "hamed bala" (hamed_808_bala@yahoo.com)
Subject: Re: TO BALA
To: jbrummbaer

Gargamel,

Got a mail from your partner and have sent him
response , still waiting to hear from him.

how is Doctor, hope he is geting better? I have been
praying for him.

Regard

Bala




LAD'S IMAGINARY LAWYER TO GRUMPY DWARF'S IMAGINARY LAWYER: DETAILS OF SCHLÜMPFE HUNT


Date:  Fri, 31 May 2002 03:17:28 -0700 (PDT)

From: "Otan Poskeen"
 
Subject: tothebarrister

To: "hamed bala" (hamed_808_bala@yahoo.com)



dear attorney,




i understand you were surprised to hear from me, it is
not everyday that a schlümpfe hunter with dr
brummbär's experience would wander into an abandoned
mine in the middle of the night, in order to catch one
of his escaped schlümpfes, and instead he mysteriously
slips down a hole in the ground, breaking both legs
and most of his ribs and spleen. i don't know what you
know about north norway but it does happen from time
to time, it has happened a couple of times to dr
brummbär in the past. it is nothing to worry about,
the mountain police declared it an accident, there's
nothing to worry about. NOTHING whatsoever. You have
my word.



if i'd believe in god i would be praying that dr
brummbär will be fine. for an outsider it might look a
bit grimm now at the moment, because doctor dÐniz
yesterday put dr brummbär in supervised coma; for his
own safety of course. he should be fine though, but it
might take up to half a year. the last time dr
brummbär was seriously injured it took almost a year
to recover fully. you could of course send him some
flowers if you're a friend of doctor brummbär. i'm
sure he'd appreciate it once he's woken up from the
induced coma.



because of the fact that the schlümpfe hunt must go
on, otherwise it will ruin dr brummbärs & gargamels
economy, i have moved into the castle with gargamel
and we are running the business together until
brummbär gets well. i assure you that you can TRUST
me. i'm one of dr brummbärs closest and only friends,
we served in the war together, i owe him my life. i
have attached an old picture of myself (sorry it's a
bit old, from 1997), so you can see who you are
dealing with. you probably don't know this but dr
brummbär does not have a phone in his castle for some
reason...i noticed this after moving in.



we can travel to holland soon, like next week or
something, but won't we need any papers or modalities
or similar? get back to me as soon as possible, but i
must warn you that i won't be able to get back to you
over the weekend because we have to arrange the last
schlümpfe hunt with gargamel over the weekend, but i
will reply monday morning at the latest when i have
the chance to get into town again. send me everything
we need this weekend, there is no reason to stall this
transaction, send what we need and then i can arrange
the trip to holland for late next week.


regards,

otan poskeen




[attached was picture of John Gotti, the most
notorious mafia boss in the US in the 70s and 80s.]






LAD'S IMAGINARY LAWYER TO GRUMPY DWARF'S IMAGINARY LAWYER: HOW TO GET THE MONEY IN HOLLAND



Date:  Fri, 31 May 2002 11:18:59 -0700 (PDT)
From: "hamed bala" (hamed_808_bala@yahoo.com)
Subject: Re: tothebarrister
To: oposkeen@yahoo.com

Dear Otan Poskeen,

Thanks for your quick response. I am happy with 
details of your mail. I can now give you the details
of the transaction and I hope that you will always get
in contact with me on every step.

You are required to contact the company where the
trunk is deposited in Holland. we have already faxes
the company to effect the change of ownership of the
box to your name.This will enable you to claim the
consigment in holland. We just get comfirmation of the
change of reciver from the conpany now.  The company
will required the following informatiom from you upon
claim :
1.your international passport for identification of
your person.
2.The consignment code: C/E/O1900-NG
3.Proof of diposit code: BALA/00000-C/E

Please you should contact Roger stam in Holland on
telephone 31-613788763 he will advice you on further
requirements. Please you should try to reach him
before tuesday. He is in position to give you further
directives. Always keep me informed.

Thanks and God bless






GRUMPY DWARF'S IMAGINARY LAWYER TO LAD'S IMAGINARY LAWYER: QUIT WASTING MY TIME



Date:  Mon, 3 Jun 2002 01:37:12 -0700 (PDT)

From: "Otan Poskeen"

Subject: Re:

To: "hamed bala" (hamed_808_bala@yahoo.com)


Bala,



Thank you for your swift reply. Two things FYI:



1. I can fly down to Holland on Thursday if required.




2. I'm a man of action, I don't like to walk 3 miles
to reach a phone for nothing, trying to reach some
guv' by the phone, hanging on bad lines etc, okay? I
don't really care if the connection is bad in Holland
or here; the main point is that I could not reach this
mr Stam, okay? And to be honest I'm not the kind of
man who likes to spend my time on nothing. My time is
my money. I'm not content of sitting on my hands and
waiting for the phone lines to repair themselves or
whatever when I could fly down and sort everything out
in person, okay?



If you want this transaction to be over quickly and
stop dancing around the Christmas three, spending your
and my valuable time and money, please contact Mr Stam
and tell him I'm flying into Holland on Thursday and
that he should meet me on the airport. I'm not the
sort of guy who sits on my ass and wait for my nuts to
get busted, okay? We can sort out the details about
the transaction in Holland, on thespot. Much more
effective and less time consuming. Okay?


r.

Otan Poskeen




P.S Dr Brummbäsr shows no signs of quick recovery. He
is still in an induced coma.







LAD'S IMAGINARY LAWYER TO GRUMPY DWARF'S IMAGINARY LAWYER: MORE OBFUSCATORY DETAILS



Otan Poskeen

Thank for your efforts. I can take you for your words.
I am able to speak to Mr. Roger and he said that he
will like to speak with you or at least brief you on
some certain requirements in holland.I have been
speaking with him but he will like to clarify
everything with the person he will meet in holland. 
So since you cannot reach him on phone I will advice
you to contact him on his email address 
"rogerb14@hotmail.com"  . We let him know that you are
our partner and you will be there as one of us to
represent our intrest in everything. Moreover the
whole documentions has been change to your name. So
you can reach him on his email address
"rogerb14@hotmail.com" to give him your flight
arrangement and to get more information as regards
requirements in holland. This is good to avoid mistake
of any kind

In case you still want to try his phone 31613788763
His name is Mr. Roger or reather email him. Please
update as you contact him.

Do not forget the code as it is the only way to make
the claim.

Thanks 

Bala







GRUMPY DWARF'S IMAGINARY LAWYER TO LAD'S IMAGINARY CONTACT IN HOLLAND



Date:Mon, 3 Jun 2002 09:42:42 -0700 (PDT)

From:"Otan Poskeen"

Subject:Regarding the consignment in your possession<
of deposed Nigerian ruler X

To:rogerb14@hotmail.com

CC:hamed_808_bala@yahoo.com




TO THE ATTENTION OF ROGER STAMM;




I was asked to contact you regarding my trip to
Holland to pick up a consignment that your security
company is overseeing. The codes for the consignment
are as follows:


The consignment code: C/E/O1900-NG

Proof of diposit code: BALA/00000-C/E





The guy who I've been dealing with is one CHIEF Hamed
BALA, nigerian attorney in law, I take it you know
what it's about? Good, because I intend to finish this
transaction ASAP. I have other business to take care
of afterwards, okay? So in brief I have arranged to
fly into Holland (I take it you and the consignment
are in Amsterdam??) this Thursday. I expect you to
send someone to meet me because I know jacksh*t about
the town of Amsterdam, and don't speak the language of
dutch, okay?



I have told Bala that I prefer to do this transaction
face-to-face, I don't have the time to try to reach
you by phone, I'm not one of the post patient of
people. I'm a man of action. I take it we can sort out
the papers and other modalities when we meet.


sincerely,



Otan Poskeen (Mr.)






[..that's it for now. should be wrapped up for an
unbelievable final pretty soon.]





AND HERE IT IS! "The final Jörö-letters
 The Legend of Dorito Bambini - or- How the West Africa Was Won"




Hi!

So, the final chapter is finished in a most remarkable
twist of fate... I could hardly not believe that Otan
was a conman as well!!! What a bastard, eh? My
imagination keeps on surprising me...
 






LAD'S IMAGINARY CONTACT IN HOLLAND to GRUMPY DWARF'S IMAGINARY LAWYER



From:"Roger Bisala" (rogerb14@hotmail.com)
To:oposkeen
Subject:Re: Regarding the consignment in your
possession of deposed Nigerian ruler X
Date:Mon, 03 Jun 2002 20:03:11 +0200

Dear Mr Otan Posteen,

Your consignment is here an safe, The informations
your provided has been 
conpared and found correct. What you will need to do
is to fly to Amsterdam 
and i will arrange for you to be picked up at the
airport. You will have to 
come with an International ID and the sum of five
thousand euros(5,000.00) 
been for the handling charges and stamp duty.
Looking forward to seeing you

Sincerely
Roger Stam




[That would be Mr Roger's brother, Roger Stam, not to
be mixed apparently with the sender, Roger Bisala.]





GRUMPY DWARF'S IMAGINARY LAWYER: I'M ON MY WAY BUT GET MY NAME RIGHT


Date: Tue, 4 Jun 2002 05:47:47 -0700 (PDT)

From:"Otan Poskeen" 

Subject:Re: Regarding the consignment in your
possession of deposed Nigerian ruler X

To:"Roger Bisala" (rogerb14@hotmail.com)

CC:hamed_808_bala@yahoo.com




FYI Mr's BISALA/STAM/ROGER,



Everything is arranged. I will fly into Amsterdam on
Thursday, with the 5000 euros, and I expect the
arrangements to flow smoothly from your side as well.
I will fly from Norway, Oslo via Helsinki and my
flight number is AY 841, and I will arrive in
Amsterdam 09:50 AM, okay? 



You need to send someone to meet me at the airport and
this is VERY important; He should meet me in the
arrival hall and he must carry a sign with my name in
capital letters, written on a white sheet of paper
with a black filter pen; (my name is btw spelled OTAN
POSKEEN, not POSTEEN as you wrote in your last mail, I
will ignore all other signs). I'm a VERY careful man
and I do not want to encounter some impostor. For both
your and my safety I suggest/require that we also use
a simple code phrase to identify that we both are who
we present us to be, okay? So, when I see a man a sign
with my name I will approach him, whereby he should
say to me:


"Give the password."



to which I will reply;



"Say the magic word."


to which he should reply;



"SAGAPO"





This may sound like very detailed confirmation but I
don't want to take any chances with this much money
involved, okay? I will NOT approach or deal with
ANYONE who does not carry a sign with my name OR know
the code
phrases, and I will CERTAINLY NOT hand over any money
to anyone who does not follow these instruction. I
hope that these security measures are okay with you. 
 
 


Please confirm that you have received these
instructions and that you agree to follow them because
they are what I demand as security measures if this
transaction is to be.


regards,




Otan Poskeen






[For thos not inagurated into the fine kitch-trash
sang at the Eurovision song contest in 2002, the code
phrases are taken from the lyrics of Greece's
unforgettably kitch entry; S.A.G.A.P.O]





LAD'S IMAGINARY CONTACT IN HOLLAND to GRUMPY DWARF'S IMAGINARY LAWYER



From:"Roger Bisala" (rogerb14@hotmail.com)
To: oposkeen
Subject: Re: Regarding the consignment in your
possession of deposed Nigerian ruler X
Date:Tue, 04 Jun 2002 18:30:55 +0200

Dear Mr Otan Poskeen,

Your email was well understood and all instructions
layed out will be  followed for security reasons. 
Write me before you depart.
Looking forward to meeting you.

Sincerely
Roger Stam




At this point I might point out that 'otan poskeen'
means 'I'll blow you' in Finnish (and Mr Roger is
after all, meeting the plane and passangers coming from
Finland)






FROM OUR FRIEND ROGER


Dear Mr Poskeen,

You're nowhere to be found, if you are in Amsterdam,
call me on 0613788763.

Sincerely
Roger








TO "BALA": OTAN POSKEEN IS AN IMPOSTER!


Date:Thu, 6 Jun 2002 14:52:09 +0100 (BST)

From:"Jörö Brummbär"  

Subject:URGENT: PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY

To:HAMED BALA



DEAR HAMED,




This is Papa Joe writing you, I must warn you you are
in GREAT DANGER. The man who has contacted you, Otan
Poskeen, is a a very dangerous conman. His real name
is NOT Otan Poskeen, but Dorito "The Black Spider"
Bambini, a leading member of one of the most renowned
gangster families in Scandinavia. i was betrayed by my
man servant, Gargamel, who passed on info about our
transaction to
Bambini, a week ago Bambini came to my castle,
imprisoned me and held me locked in the cellar, with
violence he forced me to tell him everything about the
40 000 000 dollars. He killed most of the schlümpfes
in order to get the info from me!



He has now travelled to Holland to steal the Abachas
money and all other money he can lay his hands on.
Having been informed by the police about Dorito
Bambini's
previous scams, he would probably not have made
contact with your man at the airport but rather have
followed him around Amsterdam, tracking his every move
and just waiting to overtake you and steal ALL the
money. He is a PROFESSIONAL conman, and has conned
many GOOD, HONEST, LAW ABIDING, GOD-SERVING and NICE
African businessmen in the past. God knows what he
has done with dishonest ones who have lied to him or
tried to scam money from him and others...



Please be very, very careful. Mr Bambini is not one of
the good guys. To make this ordeal worse, I was
informed one hour ago that he has also disposed of Pål
Gargamel in a most brutal manner. He was found on a
toilet in the Oslo airport, head down a pissoir; a
Bambini trademarked execution method of traitors. I
can only
advice you to contact your associates in Holland and
tell them to contact the police for protection, and
tell the police EVERYTHING about this transaction and
the 40 000 000 dollars. We have done NOTHING illegal,
as you know, so we have nothing to fear. 



You should warn your collegues in Holland to get the
hell away or contact the police before it's too late!
Bambini will stop for NOTHING!! Hence his name, the
BLACK SPIDER!



I pray for the safety of your collegues.


regards,

Jörö


[That's all folks! I hope the lads are a bit shaken by
now, and that you've enjoyed this as much as the good
folks at my work place have. P.S; No smurfs were
actually hurt during the writing of these e-mails.]

scamorama