MOSCOW NIGHTS

updated mar 17

Mrs. Susan Shabangu, South African Deputy Minister of Minerals and Energy

and

Joseph "Uncle Joe" Stalin, Former Premier of the Soviet Union

team up to move some serious kopeks out of South Africa.

and introducing --
Edward Morrison, Mrs. S.'s 'diplomat'

Scam-o-disclaimer: There is a real Susan Shabangu. She really is a Minister of Minerals of Energy.
This is a scammer pretending to be her. But you knew that. Joseph Stalin is dead. We think.


SUSAN SHABANGU

From: "susan shabang" <susanshabang@latinmail.com>
To: susanshabang@latinmail.com
Subject: COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON.
Date: Sat, 22 Jan 2005 03:23:57 +0100 (CET)

MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: from smtp.latinmail.com ([62.37.236.185])

From: Mrs. Susan Shabangu.
ATTN:My good Friend,

Greetings to you,With warm heart I offer my friendship, and greetings,and I hope this mail meets you in good time. However strange or surprising this contact might seem to you as we have not met personally or had any dealings in the past, I humbly ask that you take due consideration of its importance and the immense benefit it will be to you.

After careful consideration with my children, we resolved to contact you for your most needed assistance in this manner. I duly apologize for infringing on your privacy, if this contact is not acceptable to you, as I make this proposal to you as a person of integrity.

First and foremost I wish to introduce myself properly to you. My name is Mrs. Susan Shabangu, mother of three and the Deputy Minister of Minerals and Energy of The Republic of South Africa for seven years runningYou can go through my profile www.gov.za/gol/gcis_profile.jsp?id=1066 } I will now give you a general overview of the situation. When I was sworn in as Deputy Minister of Minerals and Energy in 1996, with my influence, my husband Mr.Ndelebe Shabangu a very successful businessman was awarded several contracts in my ministry and had direct dealings with foreign investors in this field. Due to my political status, I was not involved in my husband's business which was very vast and successful.

My beloved husband died whilst on an official trip to Trinidad and Tobago in February 2001. When my husband died, I was contacted as next of kin by a private security firm in Europe to come forth with the Certificate of Deposit and claim a safety deposit my husband has in their Vault in his name. At that time, my children and I did not have an idea where the Certificate might be. We then instructed the security firm to continue holding the safety deposit until further instructions from me. Whilst preparing for the second remembrance of my beloved husband, I was going through his library collection and to my astonishment I discovered a ,Certificate of Deposit for the safety deposit with this private security firm, and other documents relating to the safety deposit in a book.

The safety deposit which is a trunk, is stocked with hard currency (US Dollars)totalling $18,500,000 which was generated from cash payments from his business associates in the diamond trade. Though I knew my late husband was in the diamond business, I did not have the knowledge that he moved funds in cash. This has came as a shock to me and my children, and we have decided to have this fund invested immediately in commercial and residential properties abroad as well as profitable ventures, as any member of my family cannot hold such a huge amount in our name due to my political status, hence we sincerely propose to you to render us your most needed assistance in this regard.If you agree to render us your assistance, your role in this project will be to act on my behalf as a trustee to receive the safety deposit containing the funds from the Security firm. Though I believe this transaction should be based on mutuality, my family's interest will be protected by a family associate, who is a diplomat. He is now aware of the safety deposit, and I have informed him that I am locating one of my husband's business associates (you) to handle the funds and invest on our behalf, as he might be opposed to our decision if he found out that I barely know you. The part of services the diplomat is required to render is to assist you in claiming the consignments from the terminal of the security company and to set up a transit domiciliary account in your name in one of the prime bank he has contacts to carry out the exercise through the back door.

The purpose of the account is to enable you deposit the funds for further transfer into your nominated bank For your reliable assistance, we are offering you 15 %($2,775,000) of the funds. I thank you in advance as we anticipate your assistance in enabling us achieve this goal. On hearing from you, I will forward your contact to the diplomat who will be representing us, and also give you his contact for both of you to communicate and proceed with the transaction. He will be working with you for a mutual conclusion of the process and I look forward to a long lasting business relationship with you. As you may understand, due to my sensitive position in the present government,

it is not safe to communicate with me via phone or fax. This is why I have communicated with you,please all your corespondence should be forwarded to my private email address,susanshabangu22@latinmail.com otherwise i might not be able to read your mail and I will like us to keep this way, for the safety of this transaction. Wheither or not you are interested in assisting us. This will enable us make alternative plans, in the event of non-interest on your part.

With warm regards,
MRS. SUSAN SHABANGU
Deputy Minister of Minerals and Energy South Africa


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Sunday, January 23, 2005

Mrs. Shabangu,

I'm pretty sure that this was sent to me by mistake.

Sincerely,
J.V. Stalin


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Monday, January 24, 2005 10:08 AM
Subject : It was not a mistake.

Dear J.V. Stalin

Thanks very much for your mail.please l want to let you know that it was not a mistake.l contacted you for a business which l expect you to respond as required so that we can proceed with the transaction.

As it is now l will wait for your approval before l let you know the full details of the whole transaction and how it will go.Please include your mobile contact number.

Count it as God's divine arrangements for both of us to transact business together as l will use my good office to open more good opporunity for you in my country.

l will stop so far untill l hear from you.

Thanks once again.

Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Monday, January 24, 2005

Mrs. Shabangu,

$2,775,000 is a lot of money just to help you do a transfer. Do I have to kill anyone or anything like that? I don't necessarily have a problem with that, I just want to know what my exact involvement is going to be.

J.V. Stalin


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Tuesday, January 25, 2005 10:24 PM
Subject : Reply back.

Dear J.V. Stalin,

Thanks for your courage to reply.l want to let you know that lam not a killer either do l have intention of killing.all l want is business and family relationship.if l understand you mail very well you are not paying me rather lam paying for your contribution and your assistance.If you feel is too much for you then l will reduce the percentage.For now we have no direction based on your last mail to me.

l will still wait for your confirmation and your approval for us to carry on with this transaction.As soon as l hear from then we can start working on the process.l will now give you all the details you need to know.

Please in your next mail kindly give me your private phone number so that l can forward it to my family diplomat.

Thanks
Regards
Mrs Susan Shanbangu.

[The phone number is a Moscow Russian-language hotline number to call to find out where your car has been towed to. Got to come up with a new number one of these days, these guys are probably getting tired of calls from scammers by now, especially those looking for Joseph Stalin...]


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Susan,

I hope you don't mind me using your first name. You seem like a very pleasant lady and if you ever have a chance to visit here you'll be treated like one of the family. Please feel free to call me Uncle Joe.

As long as you can assure me that we're not doing anything too illegal I have no objection in helping you. Neither do I have any problem with the percentage you have offered; $2,775,000 is a lot of kopeks.

I should give you a bit of information about myself. I'm an ex-government official here and I live quite comfortably on the pension and housing that the government provides me. One of the reasons I decided to help you is that I do miss the interaction with other government officials and look forward to a statesman-to-stateswoman relationship. Sometime I must tell you about the old Warsaw Pact days. You'll really get a chuckle.

My number here at the kremlin is 7-095-964-8597. It goes through the kremlin operator so just have your family diplomat ask for me and they'll transfer the call. By the way, what's with having a 'family' diplomat? Even I never had one of those. Good idea if you can get one though.

I will await your further instructions.

Uncle Joe


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Wednesday, January 26, 2005 7:44 PM
To : j_dzhugash@xxxxx.xxx
Subject : Respond back

Dear Uncle Joe,

Thanks for your good reply.lam so impress with the content of your mailit has given me opportunity to trust you on this transaction.lam looking forward to a day we all will seat down and then talk about government,the good and the ugly.Without waisting much time l want to assure you that this is legal business as the money belongs to my late husband.

The only thing you will do for me is not to let my family diplomat know that you have not met my late husband before as he may oppose my choice of you.I will only let him know that you are one of his business associate and that you want to assist me get the fund out.

lam also glad that you have been in Government and you are aware of the procedures,so that is more reason l needed your assistance.l want to be carefull about my position.Having said all this let me quickly let you know things you need to know to enable us proceed.You are aware that the fund in question is in a security vault in Europe( London )and you need to be there for claiming.

My family diplomat will be on hand to assist you open a non residential account were the money will be deposited for onward transfer to your account back home,that is after claiming.Before l link you up with him l want to make sure that two of us has agreed on one thing.First l will like you to confirm to me your readness to be in London for conclussion of the transaction.As soon as l hear from you then he will call you for more details on what you will do.

Futhermore it is important you note that one thing is to have money but the most important thing is to make good use of it.l believe you have plan on how we are going to invest this fund so that both family and other socity can benefit from it.

Please get back to me as soon as possible.

Thanks very much for your cooperation.
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Thursday, January 27, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

I can't express my happiness to be dealing with you in this business. This sounds like the sort of thing that comes along once in a lifetime.

I am pretty sure I can arrange to be in London to complete this project, although I will have to see about getting a passport I suppose. I have an old friend in the British government whom I haven't spoken to since a vacation we all took in Yalta some time ago. This would give me a chance to look old Winston up and see how he's getting on these days. Crusty old bugger, but we had some great times together.

By all means, have your family diplomat give me a call or send me an email. I've got some ideas on investments that I'll put down on paper one of these days so you can start considering them.

I await further instructions.

Hui Tyebya (Your Friend)
Uncle Joe

[Hui Tyebya - F*** you, in Russian]


SUSAN SHABANGU

Subj: l wait for your mail.
Date: Thursday, January 27, 2005 10:37 AM

Dear Uncle Joe,

lam glad to recieve your mail. lam too sure this transaction is going to bring together good relationship.The content of your mail was well noted.Based on your confirmation to travel to London for this important transaction l will quickly get through to my family Diplomat.l will explain to him that one of my late Husband's friend will come on my behalf to claim the fund.

He will call you any time but meanwhile give me little time to obtain some information from the security firm.Again you have to go for your passport and then tell me your poosible date of traveling.

l will forward your contact to the diplomat.Please incase he asked just tell him that you are my late husband friend.That you do trade Diamond business with him before you got the news of his death through me.

l hope you confirm to me your poosible date of leaving to London.

Thanks
l wait your reply.
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Friday, January 28, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

So good to hear from you so soon.

I plan to jump on the metro this morning and head over to the passport office and start the paperwork. I should have some idea later today as to how long it will take to get a new one. I'm supposed to have a car and driver to run me around but it didn't show up again this morning. Either that damn Lada has broken down again or the driver, Igor, has been on another one of his benders..

I will remember what you said about telling your family diplomat that your husband and I worked together in the diamond trade. I guess I should read up on diamonds a little bit so at least I'll sound like I know what I'm talking about if he asks any questions. I'm not even sure what a carrot is.

Ok, I'll let you know as soon as possible how long it's going to take to get the passport.

Hui Tyebya,
Uncle Joe

[Gonna head out to the dacha for some well-deserved R&R...]


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Friday, January 28, 2005 8:12 PM
Subject : Update me.

Dear Uncle Joe,

Greetings to you once again.This is to know if you have heard from Mr Habu Smith my family Diplomat because l have already told him about you.Please update me.Again if it will be possible for you to send me your picture to enable me know you very well.
You can find my picture in my first mail were my website profile was include in my content. Please kindly update me.

Thanks
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Monday, January 31, 2005 10:58 AM
Subject : Reply me urgently.

Dear Uncle Joe,

Greetings to you.this to know if you have heard from the Mr Habu Smith the diplomat.l need to hear from you.Again when are you hoping to travel as to conclude on this project.

Thanks
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Wednesday, February 2, 2005 9:49 AM
Subject : Confirm to me.

Dear Uncle Joe,

Greetings to you.This is to inform you that the last time l recieved mail from the diplomat he told me he will be going to somewhere and if he comes back he will contact you.l dont know if he has done so because he has not send any message to me.Please confirm to me.Again my dear uncle could you please scan and send to me your picture so that l will know more.l hope to see your face.

Thanks
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Thursday, February 3, 2005 2:09 PM
Subject : Update report

Dear Uncle Joe,

How are you doing?is my pleasure to report to you that l recieved mail from the diplomat and he told me that he tried to contact you vai the number you gave but the recieveing end keeping on speaking russian language which makes it difficult for the diplomat to get to you.He requested you official open up communication with the security company then he can now come in hence you are comming for the clearance.So in my reply to him l asked him to send the details of the contact and who you can contact so that l can send it to you.meanwhile let me know from you about your passport issue.

l will send the information as soon as l hear from the diplomat.

Thanks
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Friday, February 4, 2005 7:32 PM
Subject : Reply urgently.

Dear Uncle Joe,

Greetings to you.lam suprise that uptill now lam yet to hear from you.l have already told you that the diplomat has been trying to reach you.please respond urgently so that we can fercilitate this project.

l hope you respond as demanded.

Thanks
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.

[Demanded?? You don't DEMAND things of Joseph Stalin, but I'll let it ride for the moment...]


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Saturday, February 5, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

My apologies for not writing sooner but as you are no doubt aware we've had the heaviest snowfall here in Moscow that anyone can remember. I went out to my dacha just before it started and by the time I decided to head back the roads had become impassable. My idiot driver Igor got a snootful of vodka before we tried to come back to the city and got the Lada stuck just a click or two down the road. What a nightmare!

Anyhow, I just got back last night and I'm still getting my bearings again. I've had no contact with the diplomat. I checked with the switchboard to see if I had any messages but they said nyet. If the diplomat tried to call and couldn't get through I apologize. Please ask him to speak Russian next time.

The passport office is closed today but I'll get over there Monday to see how much longer it's going to take. Let me know if there anything else I can do to further fercilitate this project.

Hui Tyebya,
Uncle Joe


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Saturday, February 5, 2005
Subject : Respond back.

Dear Uncle Joe

Thanks for your mail.Sorry for the whole thing as regards to snow fall.l hope is getting better now.l want to comment on what you said about speaking Russian language.please be informed that the diplomat cannot speak Russian language.l sent you informations and also tell you what to do.Please work based on that advice.Also the diplomat sent mail to you which l believe he will be expecting your response.Have you replied his mail?.If you have not then please try and do so.

l hope you respond and let me have the update.

Thanks
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Saturday, February 5, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

I went back and checked my inbox and there has been no word from the diplomat. I checked with the switchboard operator to see if maybe he tried to call again and she also said no.

Hui Tyebya.
Uncle Joe


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Sunday, February 6, 2005
Subject : GIVE ME YOUR MOBILE NUMBER

Dear Uncle Joe,

Your mail was recieved and l have wrote to the diplomat after you mail to contact you again.l told him to write you immediately.One more thing the phone number you gave will not be the best option for this transaction.Could you please send your private mobile number.This will make it easy for the diplomat to communicate with you.The ldea of checking with operator is not good.Please send it to me urgently.Again as soon as you hear from the Diplomat try and write me so as to put heads together,as you know two heads are better than one

. l hope to hear from you urgently.

Thanks
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Monday, February 7, 2005
Subject : Update me.

Dear Uncle Joe,

This is to know how far as l have instructed the diplomat to contact you either by mail or call you so that both of you can discussion concerning the progress of the transaction.Please update me.

Thanks
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Monday, February 7, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

Your family diplomat has still neither called me or written to me. Where is this guy exactly? When you say he's a 'diplomat', what exactly does that mean? Is he attached to an embassy somewhere?

I do not currently own a mobile phone, never had much use for those things. Brezhnev and I were trying to figure out how to work the one that he got for christmas and with all the functions and crap they put on those things we couldn't even figure out how to answer the damn thing. I'll see what it takes to get one, though.

Hui Tyebya,
Uncle Joe


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Monday, February 7, 2005
Subject : TREAT AS A MATTER OF URGENCY

Dear Uncle Joe

Please this is very important.The diplomat has called several times and the operator keep on saying the samething.It will be difficult to operate this transaction without mobile number.So try and get one urgently to enable us proceed on this transaction.The diplomat told me he will going to America and l wanted you to establish contact with him before he leaves for AMERICA.

l hope you treat this as a matter of urgency.

Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Tuesday, February 8, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

Why haven't you just given my email address and told him to write to me? At least we can keep things moving this way. I can try to get a mobile phone but it's not an easy task in this country and can take a couple of weeks to accomplish.

You did not answer my questions about the diplomat. Is he attached to an embassy? Is he just a courier? What exactly is his role in all of this?

The good news is that I checked with the passport office yesterday and I should have a passport by the 21st of this month. I still have to provide them some documentation but I'll have my driver run it over to them today.

I await your answers.

Hui Tyebya,
Uncle Joe


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Thursday, February 10, 2005
Subject : update me.

Dear Uncle Joe,

Greetings to you.How far about the procurement of the Mobile number.Please is important you do that urgently.Again have you heard from the Diplomat.please could you give me update arrangement of your visa. l need to hear from you.

Thanks
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Friday, February 11, 2005
Subject : please l want to hear you

Dear Uncle Joe,

is my pleasure to write you once more.After my mail l was expecting your quick response.Have you gotten the Mobile number.Again any news from the Diplomat.Please reply me urgently.

Thanks
Mrs Susan Shabangu.

[Then I receive this from one Edward Morrison writing from Amanda Freeman's email address. Doesn't look very 'diplomatic' to me, think I'll ignore it for the moment...]


EDWARD MORRISON

From : amanda freeman <amandfree@yahoo.co.uk>
Sent : Friday, February 11, 2005
Subject : Re: Urgent Attention!!

Received: from web26602.mail.ukl.yahoo.com ([217.146.176.52])

Dear Sir,

My name is Edward Morrison and am sure you have informations regarding this message. Everything is fine here in London, the funds have been lodged in a private security company. I am not a diplomat but am responsible to hand over the funds to you safely. It might intrest you to know that all logistics pre-formalities have been taken care of.

Please urgently contact me on telephone number 447-765-381-727.

Thank you very much.

Regards
E. Morrison


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Friday, February 11, 2005
Subject : Reply my mail.

Dear Uncle Joe,

l have sent you mail and l was expecting your reply.Please respond back to me.

Thanks
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Sunday, February 13, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

Please accept my apologies (again) for not getting back to you sooner. As you are no doubt aware, the government here is trying to take away all of the little perks we pensioners used to receive and give us a couple of rubles every month as a substitute. I've been out in the streets protesting the last couple of days and I'm bushed. Too damned cold for a guy my age to be doing this kinda crap but I'm not giving up my free metro rides without a fight.

I should have my passport by the end of the week and I can start planning my trip to London. This is going to be my first trip out of the country in years and I'm really looking forward to it.

Still no word from the diplomat. I get a lot of this stuff called spam every day in my email inbox and I've been very careful to check everything before I delete it. I'm sure I haven't received anything from the diplomat though.

Keep me posted.

Hui Tyebya,
Uncle Joe


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Monday, February 14, 2005
Subject : Confirm to me.

Dear Uncle Joe,

My good brother what is happing.l have not heard from you since my last mail and sevral mails.Please l need to hear from you.Again the Diplomat wrote to know your position.

He complained that he can not get you on phone which you know is bad to future of this transaction.

Please confirm to me if you have getting the mobile number and also try and respond back to me.

Awaiting your mail
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.

[It's Valentine's day and Joe's thoughts turn to things other than transaction modalities...]


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Monday, February 14, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

Today is Valentine's day and I have chosen you to be my gushonka for the day. If I had your address I would send you a box of famous Chernobyl chocolates. That area of the former USSR was known for their chocolate, as well as other things, and the very name is synonymous with quality. Tell me, my little kabanchik, will you be meeting me in London? Perhaps we could have our own little valentine celebration, da? I'm no spring chicken, but there are little blue pills that I'm told will give the old heat-seaking moisture missile the range it used to have.

I sent my driver Igor over to a phone shop on Tverskoi to see what it will take for me to get a mobile phone. He should have been back an hour ago, no idea what's keeping him. And I still don't understand what the problem is with the diplomat reaching me. I regularly ask the switchboard operators if I've had any calls and they always tell me no. Did you tell him to write to me?

I anxiously await hearing from you.

Hui Tyebya,
Uncle Joe


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Subject : l want to hear from you.

Dear Uncle Joe,

Please l need to hear from you as regards to the mail l sent to you.The diplomat is still waiting to hear from you.l gave you his contact and you are yet to contact him.He wrote to inform me that he is yet to hear any word from you.

Please l depend on you to cordinate this transaction based on your experence.

l hope to hear from you.

Thanks
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.

[Susan finally responds to my romantic overtures: "Grow up, Joe". She also signs as 'Mr.' Susan, I guess thinking that should cool me down...]


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Dear Uncle joe,

Your mail was recieved.please we should handle this matter as matured people.The last time l wrote you l asked you to call the diplomat hence he has tried to contact you and the phone was not going.This is busniess and should be approach the way is should be.

Please call Mr Edward Morrison The diplomaton this number 447765381727,fax-448700682908.

Do that and get back to me
Mr Susan


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Subject : Follow up mail.

Uncle joe.

Please remember to send to me your mobile number as it is very important.

Thanks
Susan


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

I went back through my junk mail and there was an email from an Edward Morrison but he said he was not a diplomat so I figured it had nothing to do with our transaction. I also didn't pay any attention to it because it was addressed from 'Amanda Freeman'. Please explain, is he a diplomat or isn't he a diplomat?

Igor tells me that it will take about 3 weeks to get all the paperwork and approvals together to obtain a mobile phone. Sometimes when it comes to bureaucracy and red tape this place is worse than India.

I will have my passport on Friday and can make arrangements to fly to London the following week. I guess the question is should I wait until I have a mobile phone, which will take 3 weeks?

I will contact Mr. Morrison today to coordinate with him.

My apologies for the little outbust in my last email. I always go a little nuts on Valentine's day. I'm more better now.

Hui Tyebya,
Uncle Joe


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Mr. Morrison,

Please forgive me for not responding earlier but you wrote me from the email address 'Amanda Freeman'. I did not recognize the name so I ignored it.

You informed me that you are not a diplomat. I must confess to being confused as my partner Susan (Mrs. Shabangu) tells me that you are her 'family' diplomat. I wonder if you could clear this small item up.

If the funds are lodged with a private security company, could you please explain to me exactly what your involvement is.

Please excuse the questions but I am trying to protect my partner's interests in this transaction.

Sincerely,
J.V. Stalin


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Subject : Respond him back

Dear Uncle joe,

Thanks for your mail.That is the person you will contact.So you recieved mail from him and you have not reply him back.Please respond and cordinate with him. l hope you act urgently. l want to know the update of your discussion with him.

Thanks
Mrs Susan Shabangu


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

I have already responded back to Mr. Morrison.

You failed to answer the questions I asked in my last letter. I await your answers.

Hui Tyebya,
Uncle Joe


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Thursday, February 17, 2005
Subject : Please remind of the question

Dear Uncle Joe,

Please Remind me of the question again as l mistakly delet your last mail.Remind me and l will clear you.Again is it possible to send me a copy of the mail you sent to Mr Morrison.

Thanks
lwait for your mail.
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Thursday, February 17, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

You will recall that I was asking about the diplomatic status of Mr. Morrison. You maintain that he is your family diplomat while he maintains that he is not.

Assuming that I am able to obtain a passport this week, I also asked if you want me to try and go to London next week or wait three more weeks until I can obtain a mobile phone.

Hui Tyebye,
Uncle Joe

PICKING UP AGAIN IN MARCH


EDWARD MORRISON

Sent : Friday, February 18, 2005
Subject : Details

Dear J.V.Stalin,

I am sorry for the delayed response. And as i said earlier and am saying it again, that, i am responsible in making sure the transaction goes very well in london. Also i am Mrs Shabangu's half brother, unfortunatly, she did not tell you earlier.

I am presently seeking asylum here in london, and i have done a similar transaction with some good African brothers. However, your visit to london will be without any hitch as i have taken care of most of the arrangements that will enable a sucsseful transfer of the funds into your nominated bank account.

I understand the difficulties you are encountering in securing a mobile phone, and you will agree with me that business of such magnitude will never be understood well without a telephone conversation. Therefore, it will be nice you reach me through my telephone number anytime.

As soon as we are able to establish a telephone contact, we shall agree on the best means to send you some necessary documents of the consignment for your perusal.
Look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours faithfully,
Edward M.

NB: Please explain the following: HUI TEBYA, UNCLE JOE AND J.V. STALIN, thank you.


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Friday, February 18, 2005

Mr. Morrison,

Before we go any further, I want to reconfirm with Susan that you are the person I am supposed to be dealing with. This transaction involves not a small sum of money and I'm sure you can understand the need for caution on my part. I find it difficult to believe that she would overlook mentioning that her half-brother was going to be involved. I asked you to explain to me exactly what your involvement is but you have been somewhat vague. The fact that you have, "...done a similar transaction with some good African brothers" tells me nothing. Please explain exactly what arrangements you have taken care of.

I will tell you that 'Hui Tyebye' is Russian for 'Your Friend'. It is a common greeting among Russians. Uncle Joe is what Susan calls me, and J.V. Stalin is my legal name. My family name used to be Dzhugashvili but nobody could pronounce it correctly so I had it changed.

I'll be back to you once I've had a chance to confer with Susan.

Otyebis,
J.V. Stalin

[Otyebis - F*** off, in Russian]


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Friday, February 18, 2005
Subject : Call Mr Morrison.

Dear Uncle Joe,

First l want to thank you for your effot so far on this project.To respond to what you said he is my close brother and he knows everything as regards to this transaction.He also know the diplomat very well and he is to cordinate the whole process with you.

Like you said in your mail as regards the purchase of a mobile number l will advice you call Mr morrison on phone and have a discussion with him hence it will take you time to get mobile phone.l will like you to be in London by next week so that you conclude on this transaction.Please call Mr morrison on phone.

l hope to hear from you.
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Saturday, February 19, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

I am glad to receive your confirmation that Mr. Morrison is indeed the person I should be working with. I was somewhat concerned when he said that he was your brother, because I was certain you would have mentiioned that to me.

I've given some thought to some investments for you once this transaction is complete. I am a good friend of the owner of the construction company building the nuclear reactor in Iran, and he's always looking for new investors. It would be a simple matter for you to come here to Moscow and meet with him. I can be of assistance in getting you a visa. Let me know.

I will pick up my passport on Monday morning and I've asked Igor to make flight reservations for Wednesday, 23 February. I will be certain to contact Mr. Morrison when I get to London and settle in.

Hui Tyebya,
Uncle Joe


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Saturday, February 19, 2005
Subject : l wait to hear from you.

Dear Uncle Joe,

Your mail was recieved and so glad for the confirmation.Like you already know that after the transaction l will make arrangement on how to come over and see you.For now l trust you to handle this transaction to final conclussion.

please confirm to me if you have contacted Mr Morrison on phone.Is important you have full discussion with him before you arrive London.This will enable him put all the arrangement in place before your arrival.l will like you to call him urgently as your travel is already at hand.You are to contact him so that he can send to you all the documents required on this transaction. l wait to hear from you.

Thanks and God bless.
Best Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Sunday, February 20, 2005

Mr Morrison,

I have made arrangements to be in London on Wednesday, February 23. I have your number, can you please send me your office address and the address of the security company.

Otyebis,
J.V. Stalin


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Sunday, February 20, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

I am in contact with Mr. Morrison and have notified him of my arrival in London on Wednesday. I made several attempts to call him but have been unable to get through. I have never had occasion to dial outside of the country and I concede that I may be doing it wrong. It takes about 14 tries here in the kremlin just to get an ouside line around here, and most of the time I give up in frustration. Might as well be using tin cans and string in this place.

I will keep you informed of any response from Mr. Morrison.

Hui Tyebye,
Uncle Joe

[Edward takes offense in my asking for the security company address. Something fishy here...]


EDWARD MORRISON

Sent : Sunday, February 20, 2005
Subject : URGENT!!

Mr. J. V. Stalin,

I think your arrangement is unbelievable, you and I are not ghosts, haven't you thought about we having a proper talk over the phone?, besides, it appears you did not understand my previous mail regarding my status here, as an asylum seeker, I don't have an office yet, and I consider it very wrong for you to demand for the security company's address, what information have you got to do your verification?, or what exactly do you intend doing with the address?.

Regards,
Morrison

[But then he lightens up a little...]


EDWARD MORRISON

Sent : Sunday, February 20, 2005
Subject : URGENT!!

Mr J.V.STALIN

Thank you very much for your mail. And i appriciate your cautiousness,especially at this stage that the buisness needs utmost secrecy and confidenciality.

My involvement is to oversee the successfulness of the entire transaction, at the end of the day i will be entitled to 10% only.

I have obtained from the appropriate authority, the "Bulk Transfer Clearance Certificate" that certify's the funds as non-drug, criminal or terrorist related funds.So the funds are safe for transfer.

On your arrival in London, you will be expected to check in to any hotel of your choice and contact me. As soon as we meet, we will have to sign a memorandum of understanding that will legally protect our various involvement in the buisness. And as soon as that is done,We shall proceed to any bank we choose to open a none-resident account, which obviously will be in your name.

The non-resident account will enable the deposition of the funds, for the onward telegraphic transfer to your nominated account. Immediately the account is confirmed ,We shall authorise the delivery of the funds from the security company to the bank.It migth interest you to know that i have a very good understanding with some of the officials of the security company.They the officials we asist us in the processes, not for free though.

By my enquiries, it we take between 48-72 banking hours to confirm the transfer to your account. And for security reasons, there are certain things i wouldn`t want to negotiate with you through email, like the terms of trasfering the funds into your nominated account.

It is high time we talk, and if it is difficult for you to call me i surgest you give me your land phone number and possibly let me know the best time to call you. I do not mean doubting your identity, am sorry about that, and I appreciate your explanation, thank you.

Look forward to hearing from you.
Regards,
Morrison.


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Monday, February 21, 2005

Mr. Morrison,

I am very sorry to say this, sir, but I smell a rat.

I can understand the fact that you do not have an office but I certainly do not understand why all the secrecy about the location of the security company? Is this not a public company? You ask what I intend to do with the address? Why, meet you there, of course! We do have to go to the security company, don't we?? Why would you consider it wrong of me to ask??

Your hesitation to respond to a simple request has made me very concerned, Mr. Morrison.

Othebis,
J.V. Stalin

[I'd better let Comrade Shabangu in on this...]


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Monday, February 21, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

I am writing to express my concern with your brother Mr. Morrison. I contacted him, notified him of my travel arrangements, and asked for the address of the security company. For some unknown reason he took extreme offense at my having asked for the address.

Susan, I have to be honest with you. We are dealing with a lot of money here and I want to protect both our interests. I have had nagging doubts about Mr. Morrison almost from the beginning. The fact that he writes from an email address for 'Amanda Freeman' greatly concerns me that perhaps the security four this transaction has been breached. And why his refusal to provide me with the security company address? Do you think it's possible that this is perhaps someone pretending to be your brother?

I am considering delaying my departure until this is cleared up and I am confident that we are dealing with the right person. The money is safe with the security company. Better we leave it there a little longer than to draw it out and risk having it stolen.

Hui Tyebye,
Uncle Joe


SUSAN SHABANGU

Date: Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Dear Uncle Joe,

Thanks for the good mail.Your points are well noted.l will start by telling you that we all are concious of the security of the money.l dont think Mr morrison has any hidden agenda.In as much as he has not met you before and he dont know whom you are from the unset he has the right to be very carefull.

Dont forget it is heavy money we are talking about.So dont blame him because he is trying to be carefull.l will only advice you to cooperate with him so that we can achieve this noble goal.Beside we all are working towards one direction.You are not a kid,hence you reach London for sure you will see the address of the security firm.

Mr Morrison has to be too sure of you before he disclose the information to you.Once you reach London he will meet with you discuse and then know you better before proceeding to the security company.

l due hope you understand were he is going.lets not think about that for now.l believe you will understand with me.

l will like you to contact him and then tell him when you will arrive London.l will be waiting to hear from you.

Thanks
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

I still don't like the idea of secrets between us. You are sure of who I am, after all it was you who found me. Have you not told Mr. Morrison about me?

And I still don't see the harm in me knowing where the security company is. What does he think I'm going to do, go there without him and take the money? How would I do that? I don't have any of the necessary paperwork to accomplish that.

I have been very straightforward with you since we first began corresponding. The idea that I'm not being told everything disturbs me greatly and I resent the lack of trust being shown on the part of Mr. Morrison.

It was necessary for me to delay my arrival in London until Saturday so that I would be able to arrange suitable accommodations. I will notify Mr. Morrison of the delay.

I hope you will rethink Mr. Morrisons attitude and encourage him to be frank with me regarding all details.

Hui Tyebye,
Uncle Joe

[Let's see how they feel about the Russkies being involved in the modalities...]


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Mr.Morrison,

This is to inform you that it has been necessary for me to delay flight to London. I will be leaving Moscow and arriving London on Saturday, 26 February.

Because of my former diplomatic status, I will be staying at the Russian Embassy at 6/7 Kensington Palace Gardens, London, W 8 4QP and can be reached at +44 207 229-36-28. Please let me know where we are to meet. The embassy will provide me with car, driver and security so no effort is required on your part.

I look forward to meeting you next weekend.

Otyebis,
J.V. Stalin


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Subject : Work on this advice.

Dear Uncle Joe,

Your mail was recieved and l want to react by telling you that if l dont trust you l would have not discuse this transaction with you.Please understand the position of Mr morrison as you well know that this involved money.

l will write him and asure him of your honesty in this transaction.But then try and understand his position so that we dont begin at this early stage to have problem.Ince we start suspect on each other then we can not follow together as one family.As you said you will be in London by saturday please try as much as you can to make it on that day.As soon as you get there you will discuse with Mr morrison and he will take you to the security company.Again try and let Mr Morrison know the date of your comming.l will advice you call him on phone to discuse more on your arrival. l hope you work based on this advice.

Thanks
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

I just wanted to let you know that I sent my itinerary to Mr. Morrison yesterday and gave him the address and phone number where I will be staying. This will be my first time in London and I plan to stay a few extra days to see the sights.

I still feel uncomfortable about the lack of trust issue, but I will proceed anyhow. The government has offered my accommodations at the embassy in London and will be providing me with a car and driver. They have also made available a security escort which, considering the amount of money we're dealing with, is probably not a bad idea. I personally don't feel the need for it but I'm sure it will ease your mind a bit.

I'll be sure and let you and Mr. Morrison know of any changes in plans from my end but at the moment I think we're a go for Saturday arrival. Oh, by the way, I plan to run out and pick up a box of Cuban cigars for my friend Winston, and I thought it would be a nice gesture on my part if I picked up a box for Mr. Morrison. Do you know if he likes cigars? If he doesn't, is there anything else you could suggest that I take him?

Let me know.

Hui Tyebye,
Uncle Joe


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Subject : Call him before you leave.

Dear Uncle joe,

is nice to hear from you.lam so glad that you are putting all effort to see that we get this transaction done.l want to asure you that when you meet with my brother you will like him.For now l cannot speak for him what you will give to him but anything you feel like is nice you can offer to him.Again l have the full trust and confidence in you and that is more reason l trust this transaction in your hand.

As regards to security please note this suppose to be confidential,so you need to be carefull.As soon as you arrive London please call Mr morrison and he will be there to direct you.

Before then do me a favour by calling him on phone before you leave Russia for London.This is to put things in place for you before your arrival.

l hope you reply back.

Thanks
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.

[Susan doesn't seem too phased about the additional security measures. Time to subtly up the ante a bit...]


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

I will contact Mr. Morrison before I leave, but I think I mentioned that I have already given him my contact address and phone number in London.

And don't worry about the security. The only thing the embassy is aware of is that I'm there on some personal business and to visit old friends. They know nothing of this transaction. And the security people there are professionals, most of them trained by the KGB. They speak flawless English and are licenced to carry firearms. Nothing can go wrong.

Hope you have a nice day.
Hui Tyebye,
Uncle Joe


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2005

Mr. Morrison,

I have notified Susan of my arrangements there in London and she has no difficulties with them. I confirm that I will be arriving in London on Saturday, 26 February. There is an embassy party on Saturday evening so I will be contacting you sometime on Sunday.

I would still appreciate having the address of the security company before my arrival.

Sincerely,
J.V. Stalin

[Still no problem with my security arrangements. I don't think this woman would get excited if I told her that I'd be arriving at the security company in a tank with a battalion of Red Army commandos as an escort...]


SUSAN SHABANGU

Subj: Reply
Date: Thursday, February 24, 2005

Dear Uncle Joe,

Thanks very much for your mail.The content of your mail was well noted.l must confess lam so glad on the level you are handling this transaction.it has shown the maturity in you.One qestion l will like to ask you.l hope you will still leave on Saturday.Again l hope you will have enough money for your expenses.please reply and let me know the actual date you will leave.

Thanks
l hope to hear from you.
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.

[Maybe telling her that I'm coming armed but broke will get a rise...]


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

I will be leaving Moscow on Saturday, 26 February, arriving in London the same day.

I thank you for your concern but I don't really expect to have any expenses while in London. I get free lodging at the embassy, the car, driver and security escort are all at government expense. There are some distinct advantages to having worked in the government for as long as I did. I'll probably take along a few bucks to buy some British postcards for my collection but that's about it. And once the funds are transferred I'll have plenty at my disposal, so not to worry.

Hui Tyebye,
Uncle Joe


SUSAN SHABANGU

Subj: Call Mr Morrison.
Date: Friday, February 25, 2005

Dear Uncle joe,

lam so happy so far for all your effort.One thing that l dont understand is why including Government in this transaction.You are aware of my position and what will happen if anybody finds out about this arrangement.Nobody will believe that this is not government money.You have been in the systerm and you know what lam talking about.

Please understand this is meant for only you and no other person.This is something l want to quitly hand over to you without invloving any third party.Please you have to call Mr morrison before you leave on Saturday because he needs to explain the nature of the suitation to you before your arrival.l will be glad if both of you put heads together and work with one mind.

Please call Mr Morrison before you leave.

l hope for a good conclussion.
l wait for your mail.
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Friday, February 25, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

Having worked in government as long as you have I'm sure you are no doubt aware that there are people who disagree with some of your policies. Some may even disagree to an extreme. Let's just say that some of the policies I put in place when I was still actively involved in the government were somewhat 'unpopular' with a few people. I suppose you could say that there were even entire countries that were less than pleased with some of my ideas. For this reason, the government has deemed it necessary that I be accompanied by security whenever I leave my residence.

It's really no big deal. These men know nothing about our transaction. There is no danger of anyone finding out about it unless Mr. Morrison tells them. As far as the security team is concerned it's a simple, private monetary transaction between myself and the security house. The only thing I find annoying is that I don't like to be around firearms. But when this government insists on something, you do what they say.

I have one bit of bad news. I will have to delay my departure another couple of days. Since it's been a long time since I travelled, the kremlin doctor is insisting on a full physical checkup before I leave and some of the tests take a couple of days. I do apologize for this delay but I only found out about it this afternoon. Of course I will let Mr. Morrison know as well.

You have a good day and I will let you know the revised departure date as soon as possible.

Hui Tyebye,
Uncle Joe


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Friday, February 25, 2005

Mr. Morrison,

My departure has been inadvertantly delayed for a couple of days due to medical reasons. Susan is well aware of the situation. I will advise you of my revised itinerary when it is definite.

Please acknowledge receipt of this email so that I am sure you are aware of the change.

Otyebis,
J.V. Stalin


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Monday, February 28, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

I'm happy to say that so far all of the tests have come back ok. I am waiting for the last two which the doctor says will be completed this week. As soon as I have the last results in hand I'll reschedule my flight.

Everything else on schedule?

Hui Tyebye,
Uncle Joe


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Tuesday, March 1, 2005
Subject : Keep intouch

Dear Uncle Joe,

Your mail was recieved and lam glad.please keep intouch with Mr Morrison so that he wil be aware of the date.

Thanks
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Tuesday, March 1, 2005

Mr. Morrison,

Susan asked that I relay to you that I await the results of the final two tests ordered by the doctor. So far all of the others have turned out fine.

Please acknowledge receipt of this email.

Otyebis,
J.V. Stalin

[I'm getting tired of this clown not acknowledging receipt of my correspondence...]


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Wednesday, March 2, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

I must once again express my dissatisfaction with the lack of cooperation that I am receiving from your brother. His lackadaisical approach to this project has me extremely concerned. I have twiced asked him to let me know that he has received my correspondence and he refuses to comply. I don't see any place for this kind of attitude in a transaction of this magnitude.

I think it's time we ease him out of the loop, at least until we have the money in our possession. Please send me the name, contact name, and address of the security company and I will take care of this myself. Afterwards, if you still want to include him in the sharing of the funds, that's your prerogative, but for now I would feel more comfortable handling this myself.

Please send the information as soon as possible.

Hui Tyebye,
Uncle Joe

[I was gonna let this transaction slide after I didn't hear from either one for a week. But, hey, as long as they're still game...]


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Monday, March 7, 2005
Subject : Still waiting to hear from you.

Dear Uncle Joe,

lam suprise l have not heard from you.You promise to give me update of your trip to London .Again have you heard from my brother again.Please l need to hear from yopu.

Thanks
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Monday, March 7, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

I'm not sure how to tell you this, and I want to say it in a diplomatic way: Susan, dear lady, your brother is a jerkoff. I've written to him twice now and he won't even show me the common courtesy of a response.

When I last wrote to you I suggested we ease him out of this transaction, at least until it's finished. I also aked you to send me contact information for the security company, which you have failed to do.

All of my mediacal tests were successful, with the exception of a minor infection that I must have picked up from the Uzbek tart that works in the kremlin cafeteria. But it's nothing that a wide-spectrum antibiotic won't fix and it won't prevent me from travelling. But I want to get the, what did you call them, 'modalities' perfected before I leave.

Please write back to me as soon as possible addressing this issue.

Hui Tyebye,
Uncle Joe

Silence, and then...


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Friday, March 11, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

Having received no response from you in 4 days, I have come to the conclusion that you pulled me into this deal as an attempt to waste the valuable time of a once-important governmental heavy-hitter, namely me.

You apparently have more important things going on there in South Africa than to try and move EIGHTEEN AND A HALF MILLION DOLLARS!! Oh well, maybe someday you'll get around to it, da? No rush, take your time.

You're pissing me off, lady.

Hui Tyebye,
Uncle Joe


SUSAN SHABANGU

Sent : Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Dear Uncle joe

Your mail was recieved and l want state hear that your inablity to provide your mobile number is delaying this process.l must be frank with you that if you are serious to assist me you will provide that.There is no way you can handle this transaction without communication.So l expect you to know what is write and do it.

l hope to hear from you.

Thanks and God bless you.
Regards
Mrs Susan Shabangu.


JOSEPH STALIN

Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2005

Tvarish Susan,

After reading your letter I had to take a moment (and a small quantity of Igor's Stolichnaya) to calm myself down. My initial reaction was to scramble the Backfires and write to you and your lazy, dimwitted brother suggesting that each of you invest in a good pair of sunglasses, as both Johannesburg and London were about to get dramatic demonstrations of nuclear fusion. Fortunately for you, that bunch of pussies in the Politburo refuse to let me nuke two entire cities just to get at two people.

That said, I do thank you for finally replying but your complaint is a load of unadulterated PUCKEY.

I would say that the fact that I haven't heard from you in NINE DAYS is what is delaying this process, not the fact that I don't have a mobile phone. I have been very prompt in responding to your letters but unfortunately you have not provided me with the same courtesy. When you failed to reply to my email you left me no choice but to cancel my flight plans and to void my mobile phone application. Except for this project I had no other use for it.

Like I said in my previous email, because of your lackadaisical approach to these modalities, it's obvious to me that you have more important things to do there in South Africa than to move your $18.5 million out of the country. With your lack of dedication and sincerity to this transaction, I don't know that I see a need to carry it any further. I also have to say that if this is how you perform your duties as Deputy Minister of Minerals and Energy, I forsee major, uh, rock shortages (or whatever kind of minerals it is you deal with) in South Africa's near future.

While I was looking forward to claiming my share of the fund so that I might relocate to my native Georgia, it is not absolutely necessary to my existence. I have enough money to live here quite comfortably. With this in mind, should you decide you want to continue this relationship, I suggest you get your thumb out and get this thing moving. When you have PROMPTLY answered the questions that I posed in my previous correspondence, I may consider re-entering the transaction. Otherwise, I see no need for future contact.

Hui Tyebye,
Uncle Joe


more to come?

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