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Yeng Zang yengzang@sify.com To: Joseph Stalin Subject: Greetings! Date: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 17:48:18 May I take the liberty to introduce myself as; Mr. Yeng Zang, Bank Manager of a reputable bank in Taipei, Taiwan and I have an urgent and very confidential proposal for your review and consideration. Just before the last financial quarter of banking operations, I was able to discover a certain Fixed Deposit for twelve calendar months made by a certain foreign individual, valued at a sum that is quite impressive. I made several frantic efforts and investigations and discovered that the depositor died in an automobile accident and he died without appointing a successor, all attempts to trace any of his relatives was fruitless as he did not declare any next of kin or relations in all his banking mandates, including official documents and deposit paperwork in my bank. This sum and the interest has being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year at the rate of 19% per annum which comes to a colossal sum. The need for foreign assistance becomes crucial as a next of kin to the depositor is earnestly being searched for, as I cannot acquire the funds in my name. I have carefully developed a foolproof, legal and totally risk free transaction through which the money will be transferred to your nominated bank account within a very short time after due documentation and authentication process if you are willing to participate. The strategy is to use my position and influence as the Branch Manager to present you as a next of Kin and beneficiary of the money as I shall arrange all documentation to support this claim and I shall grant approval for the transfer of the funds into your nominated Bank account. The required assistance is perfected to be 100% risk free and I want to assure you that I have concluded all local modalities for the successful completion of this transaction, and I am sure the funds can arrive your nominated Bank account within 7 - 10 working days following our agreement to carry out this transaction, the money will be paid to you by any means of your choice for us to share at a ration we shall both agree on. Please reply immediately via the private email address above and endeavour to give me a private telephone/fax number (stating country and city codes) through which I can communicate with you in confidence as the need for secrecy is highly important to this transaction. I expect your urgent response; no matter your decisions to enable me conclude on what next to do. Please pardon my discretion; I hope to be more detailed as we progress. With regards, Mr. Yeng Zang Taipei, Taiwan. Email back yengzang@echina.com Joseph Stalin Mr. Yeng, This sounds extremely interesting but I think this has been sent to me by mistake. J. V. Stalin Yeng Zang Sent : Tuesday, June 29, 2004 7:47 AM To : Iosif Dzhugashvili Subject : MORE DETAILS FROM MR. YENG ZANG Dear Mr j.V.Stalin , I thank you so much for taking out time to respond to my proposal quite urgently and iwant to also reiterate that my proposal was not sent to you in error.l want you to assist me with this transaction. I would also want you to know that we have conveniently worked out a perfect modality to make this transaction a complete success without any hitch. Please note that this payout is our only hope of a better tomorrow, therefore we cannot afford a mess of it. Remember that every party in this transaction stands to gain a lot. So we must all put in our best to see that this money gets out from our bank accordingly. To commence with this transaction, you will have to send to me immediately your full personal details that is, your full name and address, your personal telephone and fax numbers on receipt of these information we shall proceed to file in application of claims to the bank, which will make you a beneficiary to the fund.Inturn, the Bank Lawyers will be mandated to conduct the verification exercise of your claim before getting back to the headquarters of our bank. As soon as these approvals are issued, I will be given the final authority as the branch manager to wire the money into your provided bank account as the next of kin. And we shall make immediate arrangement to come to your country for the disbursement of the money according to the agreed percentage. To enable us achieve this aim, The bank Lawyers will be required to prepare the following document on your behalf to assist us in claiming the funds in questions as the beneficiary or next of kin to the funds. 1. A change of ownership (from the insurance company assigning you as the benefactor or next of kin to the said funds). 2. A sworn affidavit of claim from the high court of Taiwan legally binding you as the next of kin. 3. A letter of administration from our local bank with due notification as the ultimate beneficiary. For confidential reasons, I will be keeping a low profile in this payment procedure until the funds hit your account. Be assured that everything is in place for a smooth realization of this transaction for the benefit of both parties concerned. Please note that this process would take just a couple of days to complete hence it is important to make hay while the sun shines. You see my good friend, with your full cooperation and total commitment, this transaction will not last more than fourteen (14) working days it will be over. Upon the receipt of your response, I will furnish you with our bank lawyer's information so that you can contact them and proceed with this transaction. Your assistance is a very big relief to us. And I want to reassure you too that this is the beginning of a long lasting relationship. Thank you so much, Yeng Zang. Taipei, Taiwan. Joseph Stalin Mr. Yeng, I'm quite surprised that your original letter was sent to me, but if you feel it was sent correctly, I'll be happy to work with you. I guess I need to fill you in on a few details about myself. My full name is Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin and I used to be a pretty important government figure here in Russia where I live. I'm pretty much out of the government thing these days, but I still get a pretty substantial pension. As far as a fax and phone number, I need to make some special arrangements for this. I have a phone in my apartment but I, like all active and retired government people here, am closely monitored. I don't think the FSB boys would be too happy about me running deals with Taiwan. If you were in Beijing it might be a different story. Anyhow, let me see what kind of arrangements I can make about getting a different phone. Tell me a little bit about yourself. You live in Taipei? Do you know a guy named Mao? He was a friend of mine some years ago but I haven't heard from him for awhile. Let me know if you need anything else, Mr. Yeng. By the way, my friends just call me Joe. Hui Tebya (your friend) [actually means 'f*** you' in Russian] Joe Joseph Stalin Mr. Yeng, A couple of things occurred to me that I'd like to ask you. For one thing, you never mentioned how much money we're talking here; all you said is that it's an "impressive" sum. Secondly, we have not decided on any kind of a split between us. What do you think would be equitable? Thirdly, what is a 'modality'? You will have to excuse me but English is not my original language. Hui Tebya, Joe Yeng Zang Sent : Tuesday, June 29, 2004 7:45 PM To : Iosif Dzhugashvili Subject : ANSWER TO QUESTION Dear Joe, Thank you so much for your prompt response to my mail. The funds in question is USD$25.5 Millions United States Dollars.Please I want you to let me know how much percentage you are willing to accept for your assistance,based on the fact that this transaction is capital intensive as you will definately incur some expenses from you side during the course of the transaction.You will spend money,but dont worry we have earmarked 5%percent to off-set such expenses after the funds is transferred to your account. By 'modality' I simply mean that we have done every neccessary home work that this transaction goes well and 100%percent hitch free. Please you have to avail me the requested infomation so that we can fudge ahead.I also want you to tell me about yourself if you dont mind. My warm regards to you. Mr.Yeng Zang. Joseph Stalin Mr. Yeng, I will attempt to respond to the issues you raise. Percentage split - I don't see any reason why it shouldn't be an even 50-50 split. I also don't see the need for earmarking 5% for expenses. If there are expenses at either end, we just deduct them from the total amount and then split what's left. Which raises another issue - by my calculation, 5% of $25.5 million is $1,275,000! Why would it cost so much to make this transaction?? It should cost very little, if anything. Please explain. A little bit about myself - I was born in Georgia and my family name was Dzhugashvili. It was too hard for everyone to pronounce so I changed it to Stalin a few years ago. Has a nicer ring to it, don't you think? As I mentioned before, I used to be pretty high up in the government here. That was back in Soviet times, back in the good old days, back when we still had Poland. Now, I'm considered sort of an embarrasssment. Oh, they give me a good pension (but no place to spend it), and still provide me with an apartment here at the kremlin, but they don't let me out much. I don't really have much of a social life any more, so I do enjoy corresponding with you. Lately I've been thinking of moving back to Georgia. I'm not a young kid anymore, and if I stay around here I'm likely to end up in a glass aquarium like old Vladimir Ilyich. Not for me, no sir. So what about you? You're a Chinese fella, da? You originally from Taiwan or did your family go to Taiwan when Chang Kai Shek got his ass kicked in '49? You married? Got kids? Girlfriend? You never mentioned which bank you're with. Hui Tebya, Joe ps - thanks for the definition of modality. I'm always trying to improve my English. Yeng Zang Sent : Wednesday, June 30, 2004 4:40 PM To : Iosif Dzhugashvili Subject : PROPOSAL ACCEPTED Dear Joe, I thank you so much for taking out time to respond to my proposal quite urgently and do hope you keep it up. I would also want you to know that i have conveniently worked out a perfect modality to make this transaction a complete success without any hitch. Please note that this payout is my only hope of a better tomorrow, therefore we cannot afford a mess of it. Remember that every party in this transaction stands to gain a lot. So we must all put in our best to see that this money gets out from my bank accordingly. Regarding your suggestion of spliting the funds 50/50, i will accept the offer bearing in mind that this transaction is capital intensive. Please be aware that we are going to incur expenses towards the actualiztion of this transaction. Whatever expenses that arise will be shared by both of us since we are partners in this transaction. I was born in Taiwan and have lived here all my life. I will give you more details about myself in my next correspondence. To commence with this transaction, you will have to send to me immediately your full personal details that is, your full name and address, your personal telephone and fax numbers on receipt of these information i shall proceed to give you the details of the bank lawyers, they will inturn file in application of claims to the bank which has to be verified by them in order to endorse you as the beneficiary to the fund. As soon as the verification exercise is completed and other requirements are completed, I will be given the final authority as the branch manager to wire the money into your provided bank account as the next of kin. And i shall make immediate arrangement to come to your country for the disbursement of the money according to the agreed percentage. To enable us achieve this aim, The bank Lawyers will be required to prepare the following document on your behalf to assist us in claiming the funds in questions as the beneficiary or next of kin to the funds. 1. A change of ownership (from the insurance company assigning you as the benefactor or next of kin to the said funds). 2. A sworn affidavit of claim from the high court of Taiwan legally binding you as the next of kin. 3. A letter of administration from our local bank with due notification as the ultimate beneficiary. For confidential reasons, I will be keeping a low profile in this payment procedure until the funds hit your account. Be assured that everything is in place for a smooth realization of this transaction for the benefit of both parties concerned. Please note that this process would take just a couple of days to complete hence it is important to make hay while the sun shines. You see my good friend, with your full cooperation and total commitment, this transaction will not last more than fourteen (14) working days it will be over. Upon the receipt of your response, I will furnish you with the bank lawyer's information so that you can contact them and proceed with this transaction. Your assistance is a very big relief to me and I want to reassure you too that this is the beginning of a long lasting relationship. Thank you so much, Mr. Yeng Zang. Taipei, Taiwan. Joseph Stalin Mr. Yeng, Very pleased to hear from you. As is my custom. this morning I went down to the kremlin cafe for a cup of coffee and to read today's copy of Pravda. I get so upset reading the news these days, especially the situation in Chechnya. This rookie Putin just doesn't know how to handle those people. Hell, when they gave me a problem I just shipped their asses off to Kazakhstan. Problem solved. Anyhow, here's the information you requested to get started: 1. Name - Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin 2. Address - 1 Red Square, Moscow, Russian Federation 3. Phone - I explained my phone situation to you earlier. I'm still working on getting a private line. Can you proceed without it for the moment? 4. Fax - I think this is going to be impossible. No way I can secure a fax line in this place. Is it absolutely necessary? How long do you anticipate it to be before the bank lawyers can get the documents prepared? By all means tell me about yourself in your next correspondence. I always like to know the background of people that I deal with. Hui Tebya, Joe Yeng Zang Sent : Thursday, July 1, 2004 12:22 PM To : Iosif Dzhugashvili Subject : ADDITIONAL INFORMATION SENT Dear Joe, Thanks you so much for you r response. Before going any further, let me give you a brief history of myself and this transaction. You must understand that I am a father of four with a good reputation to protect and for that reason will not indulge in any activity that might Jeopardize my career or that of my family. And I must assure you that all activities will be 100% legal, This transaction that I am offering is for real But first I will give you some insight as to my profile and the transaction in question: 1. My name is Yeng Zang 2. Branch manager of Taishin international bank in Taipei. 3. Owner of the said funds deposited with my bank is a German business man named Wolfgang Mann, has lived in Taiwan for the last 32yrs until his untimely death. For confidential reasons, I will be keeping a low profile in this payment procedure as earlier stated untill the funds finally hit your account which is why I have mapped out a perfect strategy for a successful completion of this transaction. Contact information for the lawyers is as follow: Li & partners Taipei Taiwan Telephone number: 00 873 763 470065. Fax number: 00 873 763 470066. Email address: jamlee@asiamail.com Contact person: James lee You can contact Mr. James lee on the above telephone number and he will give you more information on the procedure and requirement. Please notify him that you are contacting him in regards to the estates of Wolfgang Mann and he should inform you on what to do. I will be constantly in touch with you by email. Please note on no condition must you involved or divulge any of this information to a third party without first consulting me. Inaddition, do not disclose my name to the lawyer as i dont want anybody to know of my involvement in this transaction because of my position in the bank. Please always update me on the progress you are making with the lawyers so that i can guide you through. Thanks, Taipei, Taiwan. Note: If you have any enquiry or questions, do not hesitate to email me Joseph Stalin Mr. Yeng, Thanks for bringing me up to date. A kraut businessman, eh? Can't say I'm sorry to hear that the nazi bastard's gone. Somebody probably shot him, right? Damn, I can feel my blood pressure going up just thinking about those guys. You probably know that they're another bunch we had problems with here a few years ago. They came in here and busted the place up pretty good, but the pussies couldn't take a little cold weather and before you knew it we owned half their country. If Putin could get people here to get their thumbs out, we could probably own them again. I'll contact the lawyers this morning after breakfast, and I'll let you know what they tell me. Hui Tebya, Joe Joseph Stalin Mr. Lee, I am contacting you in regards to the estates of Wolfgang Mann and request that you inform me as to what to do in regards to claiming next of kinship to my dear departed relative Wolfgang. I await your instructions. J. V. Stalin James Lee From : james lee <jamlee@asiamail.com> Sent : Friday, July 2, 2004 2:24 PM To : "Iosif Dzhugashvili" Subject : PLEASE ACT ACCORDINGLY Dear J. V. Stalin, I am James Lee Esq, the pricipal partner of LI & Partner and the bank lawyer to Taishin international bank in Taipei. We have been mandated by the above bank to ascertain and verify your claim in respect of the Will of Late Mr. Wolfgang Mann. Sent along with this mail is a specimen copy of the application form for the release of your claims. You are to write out the content as contained in the specimen copy, signed and either fax to (00 873 763 470066) or sent as email attachment to LI & Partner. Please, endeavor to act accordingly. Thank you. Your Faithfully, James Lee Esq. I remain oblige in serving you. They sent along a form that probably took 5 minutes to throw together. Not a word of Chinese on it. Joseph Stalin Mr. Lee, I have filled out and attached the form you provided. I await further instructions. Hui Tebya (your friend) J. V. Stalin Joseph Stalin Mr. Yeng, I was hoping to hear from you yesterday. I believe I told you how much I enjoy our correspondence. Nothing much else for me to do here these days except walk around Red Square and have my picture taken with the tourists. I just wanted to let you know that the lawyer (Mr. Lee) sent me a form today to apply as the kraut's next of kin; I have filled it out and returned it to him. Jeez, it kinda goes against my grain telling people that I'm related to a Hun. I'll take his money but forget about sending all his old black uniforms to me. Waiting to hear from you Hui Tebya, Joe Joseph Stalin Mr. Yeng, You know, I don't have a lot to do around here these days, but when I do get started on something I like to see things get done. I haven't heard a word from you or this other guy Lee in three days now. What the hell's going on? By my calculation, Taipei is 4 hours ahead of Moscow, which means when I get up at 8:00am, it's noon there. I should think by that time I would have something waiting in my inbox. I've been very prompt from my end at answering correspondence and returning filled-out forms. I would like to have the same courtesy shown to me. This is no time for your notorious Asian complacency. You guys think you're ever going to get the mainland back with this kind of lazy attitude? Come on, chop-chop, let's get this thing off the 10 kopek piece, please Hui Tebya, Joe James Lee Sent : Monday, July 5, 2004 4:05 PM To : "Iosif Dzhugashvili" Subject : VERIFICATION EXERCISE IN PROGRESS Dear J. V. Stalin, We hereby acknowledge your filled application for claims form which is presently with us and has been forwarded to the Taishin International Bank here in Taipei, Taiwan for verification. We shall update you on the outcome of our verification exercise in due course. Thank you. Yours Faithfully, James Lee Esq. I remain oblige in serving you. Joseph Stalin Mr. Lee, I was glad to receive your notification that the verification excercise is in progress. I must say, however, that the delays experienced in receiving word from you are completely unacceptable. I'm trying to complete this transaction in as short a period of time as possible and the lax approach of you and your firm is trying my patience. I warn you that I am considering re-opening the gulag and providing you and your entire family lifelong accomodations. If there is no improvement in the performance of you and your firm I suggest you consider investing in thermal underwear. Your email indicates it was sent at 4:05pm your time which means it should have reached me shortly after noon yesterday. It certainly did not. I don't understand this at all and would like to have an explanation. It is apparent that you don't fully understand with whom you are dealing or the magnitude of this transaction. I await your explanation. Hui Tebya, J. V. Stalin James Lee Sent : Tuesday, July 6, 2004 5:46 PM To : "Iosif Dzhugashvili" Subject : PLEASE COMPLY TO OUR REQUEST Dear J. V. Stalin, Thank you for your prompt response to our mail. We appreciate it and will always get back to you unfailingly. In line with our verification exercise, we are requesting that you send us a copy of the death certificate of the late Mr. Wolfgang Mann so as expedient our verification exercise. The above is to be sent to this firm either by fax or email attachment for record purpose. Thank you. Yours Faithfully, James Lee Esq. I remain oblige in serving you. Joseph Stalin From: Iosif Dzhugashvili Subject: Send the Storm Trooper's Death Certificate Mr. Yeng, I received an email from that bunch of lazy lawyers and they're asking for the kraut's death certificate. I presume you have that, da? Please send it along so I can paste a bunch of happy faces on it and forward it to them. I can't tell you how disappointed I am with that bumchik Lee. I can't understand why it takes so long for him to get back to me. His last email arrived at almost 9:00pm last night. By my calculation that means it was sent at around 1:00am Taipei time. He's probably working from a laptop in some geisha house at that time of the morning. Isn't there some way this guy can be replaced? If you can't do it, just give me the go-ahead and I'll see to it he gets the Trotsky treatment. How I wish for the good old days. Problems were so much simpler to take care of. It's about 8:30am here in Moscow, so it's about 12:00 noon in Taipei. Do try to get that croaker certificate to me before noon my time. Hui Tebya, Joe Joseph Stalin Mr. Yeng, What is going on back there? It's 8:00pm in Taipei, would someone please explain why I haven't heard from anyone? Why do you people wait so late in the day to keep me informed? Looks like it's time to thin the herd back there in Taiwan. Hui Tebya, Joe Joseph Stalin Mr. Yeng, I am of the opinion that you have dragged me into something that you are not in the least bit serious about. If you can't give me the common courtesy of replying to my inquiries in a timely manner then I'm going to have to excuse myself from this transaction. If I don't get a timely, favorable response to my request for the nazi's death certificate today, then please do not bother to contact me further. Just keep in mind that we invaded Czechoslovakia for less than this. Hui Tebya, Joe Have they caught onto me? I haven't heard anything for 3 days now - J.V.S. APPARENTLY THEY HAVE NOT!Yeng Zang Sent : Thursday, July 8, 2004 1:06 PM To : Iosif Dzhugashvili Subject : DEATH CERTIFICATE SENT ALONG/ALTERNATIVE EMAIL ADDRESS INCLUDED Dear Joe, I have received your mail and will apologise for the delay in my response getting to you. This is not my fault but that of my email site (www.sify.com because of the delay in my response getting to you, i have decided to include another email address so as to show you that i am very serious in actualising this transaction with you. Today, i have finally secured the death certificate of the late Mr. Wolfgang Mann and i am sending it along with this mail for your perusal and for you to send it to the lawyer. Please, henceforth, you should communicate with me on my two email addresses which is (yengzang@sify.com) so as hasten up our transaction. I want to use this medium to express my appreciation to you on your efforts so far exhibited in the course of this transaction and assure you that i will be forever grateful to you for this assistance. My warmest regards to you. Mr. Yeng Zang. Taipei, Taiwan. Joseph Stalin Mr. Yeng, Yeng, it's about freakin' time! I have been wondering what in the hell happened to you! I thought all you guys had been wiped out in a typhoon, but I heard from that moron Lee, bugging me about the Fritz' death certificate. Do I have to remind you that this entire venture was your idea, da? Now I'm more than willing to help but you are gonna have to start playing ball here. If we're gonna do it, lets DO it. Let's get this Chinese fire drill back on track. Davai! Davai! By the way, I don't know that much about it but I thought that a Chinese death certificate would have all those little squiggly letters you guys use all over it. I know that every time I go to a Chinese restaurant here I have to have the damn menu translated. Oh, well, English seems to be taking over everywhere. Even here in Moscow! Damn shame. If Krushchev had kept his eye on the ball a little better everybody would be speaking Russian by now. So what do we do next? Hui Tebya, Joe James Lee Sent : Monday, July 12, 2004 1:52 PM To : "Iosif Dzhugashvili" Subject : PROMPT COMPLIANCE AWAITED Dear J. V. Stalin, We are still waiting for your compliance to our request. Kindly act fast so as to enable us complete our verification exercise in earnest. Your prompt response to our request for a copy of the death certificate of the late Mr. Wolfgang Mann is awaited. Thank you. Yours Faithfully, James Lee Esq. Joseph Stalin Mr. Lee, I had a bit of a problem laying my hands on dear Manfred's death certificate but I finally found it. The damn cleaning lady had hidden it; that's what I get for trying to do Breshnev a favor by hiring one of his idiot relatives. You have to understand the grief I've been experiencing since the news of his death arrived. We were like brothers, with never a cross word between us. I have attached a copy of the certificate. Please excuse the tear stains on it. Hui Tebya, J. V. Stalin James Lee Sent : Tuesday, July 13, 2004 9:41 AM To : "Iosif Dzhugashvili" Subject : THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMPLIANCE TO OUR REQUEST Dear J. V. Stalin, We have received the death certificate of late Mr. Wolfgang Mann and have commence the verification of it's authenticity. Hopefully, we shall update you on the outcome of our verification exercise by tomorrow. Thank you for your compliance to our request. Yours Faithfully, James Lee Esq. I remain oblige in serving you. Yeng Zang From : Yeng Zang <yengzang@yahoo.com> Sent : Tuesday, July 13, 2004 2:09 PM To : Iosif Dzhugashvili Subject : PLEASE KEEP ME UPDATED Dear Joe, Thank you for the update. I really appreciate your responding to me on my alternative email address. Have you sent the death certificate to the lawyer? Please do so inorder to avoid further delay. I will be waiting to hear further from you. My warmest regards to you. Mr. Yeng Zang. Joseph Stalin Mr. Yeng, I sent Adolph's death certificate to that hack attorney yesterday. Any idea what's supposed to happen now? Lee says he's going to update me on his verification excercise today, whatever that means. I still don't understand this time difference thing. Your email says you sent it at around 2:00pm Taipei time which is 10:00am Moscow time, but I know I sure as hell didn't receive it at 10:00am. It didn't arrive until last night sometime after 5:00pm. What's going on with that? You never did explain this. I was wondering - did the kraut leave anything else behind of value that we can use or sell? What about the rest of his estate: car? jewelry? Messerschmitt? Has anybody checked on this other stuff? Let me know. Hui Tebya, Joe James Lee From : james lee <jamlee@asiamail.com> Sent : Wednesday, July 14, 2004 10:42 AM To : "Iosif Dzhugashvili" Subject : PROCEDURE AND REQUIREMENTS TO PERFECTING YOUR BRIEF X-Originating-IP: 81.199.84.92 - [Nigeria] Dear J. V. Stalin, This is to acknowledge receipt of your application for claims form which has been submitted at the Taishin international bank in Taipei and to intimate you on our findings and procedures to achieving your brief. We have, this morning, verified from the bank that Mr. Wolfgang Mann has an account with the bank and that the account has been dormant for one year and therefore for us to be able to carry out your brief accordingly and promptly. We have also verified the death certificate of the late Mr. Wolfgang Mann and found it to be genuine. we will require the following documents and procedures to effectively perfect your brief: 1 A sworn affidavit of claim with the High court here in Taiwan instating you as the rightful beneficiary to Mr. Wolfgang Mann Estates. 3. With the above, we will proceed to the probate registry to register and obtain the letter of administration. Once the items above are completed, we will proceed to effect the necessary changes with the insurance company and also make adequate representation at the bank and subsequently sign for the funds to be transferred into your nominated beneficiary account. However, attached is a copy of our invoice for us to be able to conclude your brief, you shall send the total cost in the invoice into our fiduciary agent's account in Bank of Taiwan upon your request of our banking co-ordinate. A copy of the payment receipt must be sent to this firm before we can commence your brief. Thank you. Your Faithfully, James Lee Esq. I remain oblige in serving you. Joseph Stalin Mr. Lee, I'm not sure I understand everything you discussed in your last email, but I have a problem with your attached invoice - I can't read it. When I open it up in my browser the damn thing is too big and too faint. Can you please reduce it down a bit and resend it. I'm not some computer geek who knows how to do all this browser crap. You list items 1 and 3 - what happened to 2? Why do I have to request your banking co-ordinate - why didn't you just send me the damn thing? How do I do this sworn affidavit of claim with the high court? You do realize, don't you, that I am in Moscow and not in Taipei? You think I can just haul my ass over to Taipei some afternoon for lunch and court? See what you can do about this. Hui Tebya, J.V. Stalin Joseph Stalin Yeng, I've been right about that guy Lee all along. You should see the crap they sent me this afternoon. I couldn't even read the attachment and I didn't understand most of the rest of it. I ask you again - isn't there some way you can replace this guy? He said the attachment was his invoice although I can't imagine an invoice for WHAT. The silly bastard hasn't done anything to invoice us for. I told him to resend a better copy and I'll check it out when it gets here and let you know. I wish Zhukov was still around. I could send him over there to take care of business and know that things would get done right. How I miss those days. Hui Tebya, Joe James Lee Sent : Wednesday, July 14, 2004 3:54 PM To : "Iosif Dzhugashvili" Subject : YOU COMPLAIN TOO MUCH X-Originating-IP: 81.199.84.92 Dear J. V. Stalin, You complain too much. If you dont understand the content of my mail, then go through it once again. Are you not suppose to be a learned person. My mail to you is plain that even an illetrate can comprehend what it contains. Thank you. Yours Faithfully, James Lee Esq. I remain oblige in serving you. Joseph Stalin Me illetrate?? Me illetrate?? Lee, do me the kindness of taking your head out of your ass and go back and read MY email again. How am I supposed to pay an invoice when I can't even read the goddam thing? And I ask again, why is it necessary for me to write and request a bank coordinate when you could have just included it ON the invoice or with your last email. Jeez, do I have to do ALL the thinking here?? Look, you're obviously new at this, so let me give some advice - you're supposed to make it as easy as possible for your clients and provide as much information up-front as you can. This whole thing is taking way too long and all of the delays have been from YOUR end. If you would stop those late nights in the cat house and try to get some sleep you might be a little more alert when you stagger into the office in the morning. Now if you want me to take care of that invoice, then send me a copy I can READ!! Hui Tebya, J.V. Stalin Joseph Stalin Yeng, I'm telling you that guy Lee has got to go. The stupid bastard called me illetrate!! Can you believe that? Calling me, Joseph Stalin, illetrate?? Listen, I'll have to admit that the idea of taking that obergruppenfuhrer's money had kind of a nice, ironic appeal to it, but I don't know if it's worth the incompetence I've had to put up with from that jerkoff lawyer. And now he's resorting to verbal abuse! I would like you to respond to this issue specifically and let me know what can be done to get rid of that guy. Hui Tebya, Joe James Lee From : james lee <jamlee@asiamail.com> Sent : Thursday, July 15, 2004 1:40 PM X-Originating-IP: 66.178.80.76 Dear J. V. Stalin, I still repeat you are an illetrate. Thank you. Yours Faithfully, James Lee Esq. I remain oblige in serving you. Joseph Stalin Ok, Lee, that tears it. You have made it to the very top of my shitlist in record time, buddy. Your name is going over to the S.M.E.R.S.H. office first thing this morning. Hui Tebya, J.V. Stalin Ps - I do apologize for asking you to take your head out of your ass; go ahead and put it back up there where it is no doubt more comfortable. Joseph Stalin Mr. Yeng, I am forwarding the latest blaspheme from Lee. Now do you see what I'm talking about? I have absolutely no idea what causes such vitriol; I have never been anything but polite to an extreme with him. I suggest to you that the man is mentally deficient, most likely due to inbreeding. I've seen these symptoms before in persons of his temperament and in most cases the parents were brother and sister. I certainly don't feel that he has the mental capacity to handle our project. I fear that this idiot may intentionally try to delay or hinder our pursuit of the U-boat commander's estate. Is there nothing that can be done? Hui Tebya, Joe I guess Lee and Yeng have taken about all the abuse they're going to take. Well, if they can't handle the MiGs, they shouldn't fly in MiG Alley. - J.V.S. more to come? |