[From a fellow alter ego of "Arnold Wanker", last featured in YOU ARE SLOWING DOWN OUR SERVICE]
So here's another little project I've been working on over the last month or so. For what it's worth, I still hold out a slim hope that either "Tony Howard" or one of his cronies is actually in/near London and is ignorant enough to show up to Heathrow with the sign I sent. I will ensure that every time I tell him one of our representatives is flying over, someone I know actually is on the flight and has a camera available on the off-chance they find a melee in the Heathrow arrivals hall. Hence, a friend of mine is in the air right now headed to Heathrow, although it looks like "Tony" isn't going to show up this time around.
Oh yeah: I'm sure all the Brits out there will recognise him instantly, but for the rest, I used Dr. Harold
Shipman for Sweeney's passport picture. I thought it was somewhat apt.
From : <KJNegin@houston.rr.com>
Reply-To : isadora_thm555@hotmail.com Sent : Saturday, August 4, 2007 Subject : FROM MRS ISADORA THOMAS My name is Mrs.Isadora Thomas, A Bahrain national I have been diagnosed with Oesophageal cancer .It has defied all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself)but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it. Now that God has called me, I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as a few close friends. I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so, I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have Distributed money to some charity organizations in the U.A.E, Somalia and Malaysia. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore. This is my last money which no one knows of is in the huge cash deposit of Nine Million dollars(9,000,000,00) that I have with a finance House abroad. I will want you to help me collect this deposit and despatch it to charity organizations. As all modalities has been put in place for you to get the trunk box. N/B:KINDLY NOTE THAT 20% of this funds must go to the tsunami victims and another 10% for your effort and time. My Regards and hoping to hear from you soonest, Mrs.Isadora Thomas. Sweeney Todd
From: Sweeney Todd, M. D.
Sent: Aug 5, 2007 Dear Mrs. Thomas, I'm sad to hear that your medical situation is so dire. Might I ask what forms of medical treatment you've had thus far? I presume that the cancer has since metastasized, that being the reason for your poor prognosis. In any case, it is indeed heartwarming to hear that you've heard God's call to take up the charitable cause in your last months. What prompted you to come to me in particular to ask for help? Perhaps this is God's guidance again: here at Little Boys' Hospital, the 10% of the funds would be just perfect to complete the proctology suite, and perhaps replace some of our old wooden tools with state-of-the-art surgical steel. Please let me know how I can assist you. Regards Sweeney H. Todd, M. D. Isadora Thomas
[Pic tastefully enclosed, from who knows where]
To: Sweeney Todd, M. D.
Sent: Aug 5, 2007 Thank you very much for your response to my email, which has assured me of your seriousness. Please i want you to take me as your mother or your sister and help me accomplish this project which i have in mind. The word in your response has given me great Joy. This is a good work of charity project I have placed in your hands. My dear I will only say to you with reason of my throat cancer, I am unable to speak but all I want is that the money is first safe in your hand before I meet the Lord so that it can be used for the intended purpose. Even surgery which is a last resort has been done but the cancer has already spread into the stomach and intestines. It is for this same reason I have randomly searched through the internet email directory to find somebody who has the predisposition to accomplish the task of passing on a privately kept fund of ($9,000,000,00) million dollars to charitable organizations as he or she deems fit, since I cannot do this myself due to my failing health. It was this random search that yielded your contact email address with which I sent you my first email. Note that this was just a probing move to establish contact, because I am sure you know as well as I do that most people would snatch at the offer considering the large amount involved and more also since the disbursement of this fund would be entirely in the hands of the claimant. For this reason I felt that after our initial communication I should be able to determine if we can precede based on certain indices as well as intuitive feeling I would deduce.I hope my first email did not embarrass you? If it did, I apologize for this. The fund in questions is privately kept and I wanted to put it in capable hands for disbursement. Other such funds that I left to my relatives to disburse to charity were all plundered and used for their personal purposes. For this reason I have decided that within the confines of my hospital room and the privacy of my computer (to which I have internet connection) to look for a suitable person to transfer ownership of the deposit to, and after claiming the money, disburse 90% of the $9, 000, 000, 00 to various charitable organizations of your choice in various countries and then retain 10% of the money for your effort. The $9 million dollars is physical cash in a private finance/courier firm in europe. This is not a business proposal and I do not expect any returns or share of the money. I am dying and I have distributed most of my earthly possessions to various individuals, groups and organisations.This deposit of $9 million dollars is the bulk of what is left. It is unknown to my other relatives.If I do not find a suitable person to disburse the funds as I plan to, then on my death the finance/courier firm holding the deposit would have to notify my next of kin to claim the deposit as stipulated on the deposit agreement. And from what I have seen of how they spent the other funds I designated for the same purpose, leaving the fund in their care would be a colossal waste of all I have worked and lived for. Just to promote some confidence on my side, kindly furnish me with the following details; 1.Your legitimate Name 2.Your direct telephone number (Cell if any) 3.Your fax number 4.Your postal address (Not P.O.Box) 5.Your occupation 6.Your age I will need to send your contact details to the finance/courier firm regarding the release of this funds to you, await your response to the issues raised here. I await further communication. Yours Faithfully. Mrs. Isadora Thomas Sweeney Todd
From: Sweeney Todd, M. D.
Sent: Aug 6, 2007 Dear Mrs. Thomas, Thank you for your prompt reply, and for the clarification on your condition. I must say that it is a somewhat unusual path of metastasis (particularly from esophagus to throat), but you are certainly correct in that at this stage the prognosis is rather poor. Please don't be concerned about embarrassing me with your previous message - I should tell you that I've just returned from an eight hour stint in the operating room after one of my patients had an exploding fistula. The resulting "code brown", as we refer to it in medical circles, was certainly most unpleasant. I believe it will be several days before we can use that operating room again. Please find attached the information you requested: Name: Dr. Sweeney H. Todd, M. D. Telephone: +1 406 228 3500 Fax: +1 406 228 3535 Postal address: Little Boys' Hospital, 600 Micturation Way, Glasgow, MT 59230 Occupation: Pediatric genitourinary and abdominal surgeon Age: 53 years old at last Birthday Regards Sweeney H. Todd, M. D. Isadora Thomas
To: Sweeney Todd, M. D.
Sent: Aug 6, 2007 Dear Dr.Sweeney, I thank you once again for your prompt response to my email with the details provided. This has confirmed to me that, you shall use the funds for the purpose which it is required. I would want you to take this transaction very serious because my situation here in the hospital is very bad. Immediately after receiving your email, your contact details were forwarded to the Finance/courier firm in United Kingdom,i will talk with the hospital attorney to help me effect change of beneficiary to you, and once that is done, you shall be the only person who would be able to lay claims to the trunk box. In receipt of this email, i want you to take note that you should not let the finance/courier firm to know the content of the trunk box because i deposited the trunk box as personal effects , so you don't have to let them know that the trunk box contain funds just tell them you want to make claim of the trunk box that was deposited by mrs Isadora Thomas that you are now the new beneficiary. Below is the finace/courier firm contact information you contact them as soon as you get this mail. COMPANY NAME;kaatom finance and courier firm United Kingdom. CONTACT PERSON; Mr Tony Howard. EMAIL; katoom@deliveryman.com TEL: +44 703 1925974 +44 703 1907078 FAX: 0044 871 715 1331 My beloved one, please do not take undue advantage of the trust which I have bestowed on you because, whatever I am doing, is to prepare a place for me in the house of the almighty God. As I told you in my first email correspondence,I have distributed other funds and they were not used for the purpose they were meant for and I pray that the Almighty God has not led me in vain by contacting you. However, my health is deteriorating and I always ask God to allow me enough time to see this mission accomplished on earth, as this would grant me everlasting joy. I am attaching a copy of my picture to this email, so that you could know who you are dealing with and it would also make your prayer request for me to be more focused. You are expected to forward all correspondence between yourself and the finance/courier firm to me, just for reference purpose. Probably, that would keep me abreast of the situation and also, determine my health status. This mission, whom you have promised to fulfill, will make you and your entire generation knows peace and experience the good works of God all the days of your life. May the blessings of the almighty God be with you for the rest of your life and always put me into prayers because,I am going through so much pain at this time. Remain blessed, Yours Sister. Mrs.Isadora Thomas. Sweeney Todd
To: Tony Howard <katoom@deliveryman.com>
Cc: Isadora Thomas Sent: Aug 7, 2007 Subject: Isadora Thomas Dear Sir, I have been asked by Mrs. Isadora Thomas, who I believe is a client of yours, to arrange delivery of a trunk containing some personal effects of hers. My understanding is that Mrs. Thomas will supply you with documents from her attorney confirming me as the sole beneficiary. Please confirm that you have received these documents (according to administrative rules of my hospital, I will need a copy also) and advise how to proceed. Mrs. Thomas already has my address and contact information for shipping; I can provide them directly to you if necessary. Sincerely Sweeney H. Todd, M. D. Tony Howard
From: Tony Howard <katoom@deliveryman.com>
Sent: August 7, 2007 Subject: NOTIFICATION OF YOUR TRUNK BOX KAATOM FINANCE AND COURIER FIRM UNITED KINGDOM. TEL: +44 703 1925974 +44 703 1907078 FAX: 0044 871 715 1331 Dear Sweeney H. Todd, We write to confirm that the deposit of MRS ISADORA THOMAS is in our custody, be informed that you will be required as the beneficiary of the deposit, of MRS ISADORA THOMAS ONE trunk box. You are requested to provide this office with the following requirements and documents, to ensure that you are the sole beneficiary of the deposited box declared to us as (PERSONAL EFFECT) so that the said deposit can be released to you. Note that we have all the necessary documents that were sent to us for the release of the ONE TRUNK box to you after confirmation, also we have in our possession a document stating that you are the beneficiary of the consignment in our custody. Ensure to send to us the requested documents that was given to Mrs. Isadora Thomas when she made the deposit, and proof of identification for record and safety reasons. 1. A valid proof of identification (passport or any other). 2. Copy of the certificate of deposit . 3. A copy of power of attorney. 4. we require to know your age. 5. State your contact address and phone numbers. We also want to inform you that there are also some charges e.g. Dumurage, CUSTOM AND CLEARING which are needed to be paid when we get to your country for the delivery of the trunk box before the release of your consignment one trunk box deposited with us. However for now we can’t tell you the total cost you will pay when we get to your country, we have to contact the Accounting Department to put the total sum together, and after verification and comfirmation of your information provided to us then we will now proceed and make the arrangement on how we will get to your door step through our courier delivery office. Please do endeavour to send to the firm your correct information as we do not need any problem when making delivery. For any clarifications, do endeavour to contact Mr Tony Howard. on our 24hours hotline. +44 703 1925974 we wish you a pleasant day while thanking you for your understanding. Best Regards, Mr Tony Howard. (Operations Manager). Sweeney Todd
To: Tony Howard <katoom@deliveryman.com>
Cc: Isadora Thomas Sent: Aug 8, 2007 Dear Mr. Howard, Please find attached a scanned copy of my passport. Regarding the other details you require, my age, as is clear from the passport, is 53 years. Because I am acting as an agent of Little Boys' Hospital in this matter, I will give you their address to use for shipping: Name: Dr. Sweeney H. Todd, M.D. Address: Little Boys' Hospital 600 Micturation Way Glasgow MT 59230 USA Phone: +1 406 228 3500 Fax: +1 406 228 3535 I have neither the certificate of deposit nor the power of attorney at present - I trust that perhaps Mrs. Thomas can provide these? I have another question for you: will the entire shipment be delivered unopened to Little Boys' Hospital, or will Customs examine it on entry to the United States? The reason I ask is that I'm somewhat surprised that, as far as I know, you haven't asked either me or Mrs. Thomas for a detailed description of the contents, as would usually be required by Customs. Is your company able to import items without the need for a detailed examination on entry? Regards Sweeney H. Todd, M. D. Tony Howard
To: Sweeney Todd, M. D.
Sent: Aug 9, 2007 Dear Dr. Sweeney H. Todd, We do receive your email and I want you to know that we have the description of content from Mrs. Isadora Thomas and for the shipment will normally use diplomatic tag on the trunk for safe delivery. As soon as you provide us with the documents requested, we shall send to you the cost of our courier delivery to your country and other cost when you receive the trunk box. We hope to receive the documents in your next email to us. Thanks. Mr. Tony Howard. Isadora Thomas
Sent: Aug 9, 2007
Dear Dr Sweeney, How are you doing, hope all is well. Sorry for the delay of the documents it was due to my health condition. Here is the certificate of deposit and the power of attorney, you contact the firm with these document I know you have other requirement with you. Please don’t let the firm know the content of the trunk box because I deposited the trunk box as personal effect. Please as soon as you make the claim kindly let me know. With love and care. From Isadora Sweeney Todd
Sent: Aug 9, 2007
Dear Mrs. Thomas, Thank you for sending the documents. I have signed the Power of Attorney, and I will return this and the deposit certificate to the courier firm forthwith. I will of course keep the contents of the trunk confidential; my concern was simply that it would be opened by the Customs Service on entry to the US, but Mr. Howard assures me that it will be shipped under diplomatic seal and hence inspection will be waived. I will let you know as soon as I claim the trunk. In this case, I will have to deal with it personally; a key member of my administrative staff who would usually handle these matters is currently indisposed due to a recent incident at the hospital. To make a long story short, we recently installed a new Magnetic Resonance scanner, and we were unaware that the staff member in question has (well, had, strictly speaking) one of the old-fashioned ferrous hip implants. The maintenance people think they'll be able to get him out of there with some Crisco, ropes, and a winch, but needless to say, it's been quite a drain on all our resources. Regards Sweeney H. Todd, M.D. Sweeney Todd
To: Tony Howard
Sent: Aug 9, 2007 Dear Mr. Howard, Thank you for your message. I have attached the Certificate of Deposit, and a signed copy of the Power of Attorney; these were the two outstanding documents. I am interested to hear that you have a procedure by which you can ship items from one country to another under diplomatic seal. Hypothetically, would it be possible for you to send items, for example, from the United States to Eastern Europe, and vice versa, without customs inspection at either end? I eagerly await your reply, in particular to this last question. Regards Sweeney H. Todd, M.D. Tony Howard
Sent: Aug 10, 2007
Subject: DELIVERY DETAILS Dear Sweeney H. Todd, We are writing to acknowledge the receipt of your documents and proof of identity; we have compared all your documents and confirm that you are the sole beneficiary of the consignment one trunk box that is in our possession. Due to the first mail that was written to you, you were made to understand that there are some charges which are involve, so I have get confirmation from the accounting department that you have to come along with the charges stated below if you can come over to our office. You are therefore required to proceed to our office in the united kingdom as an official appointment will be scheduled for you if you can come, to clear your consignment from our warehouse with the following; You will be required to visit our office for the claim of your consignment and you are requested to come with you the documents that you have in your possession. The United Kingdom Government tax, custom clearance and handling charge fees of Eight Thousand four Hundred And Twenty Great British pounds (8,420) only, payable in cash prior to the signing/endorsement of the consignment release documents but if you cannot come over to pick the trunk box, our courier firm can bring the trunk box to your address as stated to us. Due to the weight, size and destination of your trunk box the courier cost to your country will cost you one thousand two hundred and sixty Great British pounds (1260) once the payment is confirm in our office, within 72hours of confirmation, the diplomat will be in your country to make the delivery to you. Once the diplomat arrival your country, he will give you a call the both of you will meet, you have to come along with the charges for the custom, demurrage and clearing charges fees which are Eight Thousand four Hundred and Twenty Great British pounds (8,420) only, will be paid to the diplomat that will accompany the trunk box to your country. After the release of your consignment to you if there is any assistance, that you which we can render to you, please after you must have receive your trunk do not hesitate to inform us, our customers satisfaction is our pride. Please after going through this email, if you prefer to come over to our office or you want to use our courier service you let us know so that we tell you how to go about it. We await your immediate response, while we thank you for your patronage as we assure you of our professional assistance always. You are advised to contact us on via phone or email as soon as possible. Kindly confirm the receipt of this message. Best regard, Tony Howard. (Director of Operations) Sweeney Todd
Sent: Aug 10, 2007
Dear Mr. Howard, Thank you for your message, and for the enumeration of charges due for the delivery of this trunk. As a partner of Little Boys Hospital, I will have to ask permission of a majority of our board of trustees in order to free up the necessary funds. And there's the rub: they will expect some quid pro quo, so to speak. And this latter is why I obliquely mentioned in my previous message to you a business proposal. Would you be willing to deliver for us some packages between Eastern Europe and the United States? I assure you that you would be handsomely remunerated for your efforts, but under the condition that you guarantee the packages will be opened neither by you nor by the customs authorities in either country of departure or arrival. The packages will need to be kept between 0 and 5C for the entire transit. As I'm sure you can understand, your positive reply to the above proposal will greatly assist me in persuading our board to release the funds you are asking for. Regards Sweeney H. Todd, M. D. Isadora Thomas
To: Sweeney Todd, M. D.
Sent: Aug 15, 2007 Dear Brother, Sorry for not contacting you for someday now it was due to my health condition,Please brother what is going on have you been able to make the claims, please get back to me so that i know what is going on. With love from your sister. Mrs Isadora Sweeney Todd
To: Isadora Thomas
Sent: Aug 15, 2007 Dear Isadora, Here's an update on the current situation. I have forwarded all necessary documents to the courier company; Mr. Howard has confirmed receipt of them. I then received a message from Mr. Howard describing the various charges that would need to be paid in order for the trunk to be delivered. The total came to 9,700 British Pounds, which seems somewhat excessive, but then I presume what we're really paying for is the ability to get this trunk to the US without a customs inspection. In any case, I will have to bring this request to the attention of the financial committee of the hospital, the Non Affiliated Monetary Board and Lending Association (NAMBLA). I have made a suggestion to Mr. Howard about a business proposal (essentially some shipping work between US and Europe for our hospital). As I have pointed out to him, a speedy and positive response to my proposal would greatly improve my chances of getting NAMBLA to release the required funds. I have yet to hear back from Mr. Howard, however, and I'm loath to bring up the subject with the committee until I have news on this front. On another tangentially related subject, as I'm sure you're aware by now, Little Boys' Hospital specializes in medical care for orphans with no means of support, and as such, we're mostly dependent on charitable contributions for our continued existence. I am very impressed by your philanthropy in your final years, and would be delighted if you would agree to donate to our hospital, or support our charity drive in other ways. Please let me know if you're interested in helping, and I'll let you know some of the possible ways you could aid us. Kind Regards Sweeney H. Todd, M. D. Tony Howard
Sent: Aug 16, 2007
Dear Sweeney H. Todd, We do receive your mail, and I want to say sorry for not contacting you for some days now it was due to some problem with the firm when we made delivery to one Africa country they did not want to pay our money after making delivery that was the problem, you are saying you want us to help you people make delivery from united states to Europe we can do that but I want to know that is that you want us to move for you people. So that we can work on that as soon as we make the delivery of your trunk box with us. Your response is highly needed. Mr. Tony Howard Sweeney Todd
To: Tony Howard
Sent: Aug 17, 2007 Dear Mr. Howard, Thank you for your response. I was indeed becoming quite concerned, as was Mrs. Thomas who recently contacted me asking me for an update on the progress. Do I understand your message to be asking me the nature of the objects I'd like to move from the US to Europe and vice versa? Indeed, in order to take proper care of the contents, you would have to have a detailed description. Before I can provide that, however, because of the somewhat sensitive nature of what we're dealing with here, I need to be absolutely certain that you're not affiliated with a law enforcement agency (Interpol, FBI, etc.). Please let me know if you'd be willing to submit to a simple procedure that would convince me of this - be assured that it would be a minimal burden to you, and on successful completion I'd have a strong case to present to our board to release the funds necessary for delivery of the original trunk. In addition, I'm sure they would be delighted to use your shipping service as the exclusive vendor for the delivery work I discussed. Regards Sweeney H. Todd, M. D. Sweeney Todd
To: Tony Howard
Sent: Aug 24, 2007 Dear Mr. Howard, Again, I'm somewhat concerned that I haven't had any reply from you for some days now. Do you still have the trunk safely stored? The hospital Board have provisionally agreed to release the funds itemized in your previous invoice, but this is dependent on one of the board members meeting you in person in order to ensure your bona fides, as I mentioned earlier. I gather you're based in London - is that correct? If so, I believe it will be possible for such a meeting to take place soon. Please confirm your receipt of this message, and your location, and I will elaborate. Regards Sweeney H. Todd, M. D. Tony Howard
Sent: Sep 4, 2007
Dear Sweeney Todd, I was not on sit form some day now i saw you email and i want you to know that it will be better that way if you can come over to our office here in UK to pick it up, you get back to me as soon as possible so that i know if you are coming over to make the claim because your trunk box is still in a safe hand. My Regards. Mr Tony Howard. Sweeney Todd
Sent: Sep 5, 2007
Dear Mr. Howard, Good news: the board of the hospital has declared that you are a Potential External Development Opportunity (PEDO), and has assigned the transaction code 7-11. However, before paying you the required fees for delivery of the trunk, and discussing the additional business I mentioned earlier, they would like to have one of the board members meet face-to-face with you. Fortunately, your reply is well-timed: one of the board members (most likely either Dr. Clauberg or Dr. Mengele, dependent on surgical schedule) will be traveling to London this Friday morning on United Airlines Flight 0930, arriving from San Francisco at London Heathrow at 7.10 am this Friday, September 8th. On successfully meeting you and confirming your bona fides, the board member will be instructed to immediately arrange to wire funds to you to pay for delivery of the trunk. Because of the sensitive nature of the additional business, please print and hold the sign that I've attached - note that it identifies neither you nor any of the board members by name, but I assure you that whichever doctor is traveling on Friday will recognize the sign immediately. The doctor will be expecting to see you in the arrivals area immediately outside customs. Please let me know if you have any questions, Regards Sweeney H. Todd, M. D. Sweeney Todd
Sent: Sep 6, 2007
Dear Mr. Howard, This message is to confirm that one of our representatives is about to leave for London Heathrow tomorrow. I notice that I mistyped the arrival day: note that it should read Saturday September 8 instead of Friday. The rest of the details (United Airlines flight 0930 from SFO to LHR) are correct. I hope you will be able to take a little time from your busy schedule in order to meet briefly with our representative so that payment can proceed as planned. Regards Sweeney H. Todd, M. D. Tony Howard
Sent: Sep 7, 2007
Dear Sweeney Todd, We do receive your mail and i want you to know we don't work that way because the the person that is coming we don't have his name on the document so why do you want us to talk with him. If you are ready to make your claim you come over with the amount and a printed copy of the documents to make the claim and pick your trunk box. My Regards. Mr Tony Howard Sweeney Todd
Sent: Sep 7, 2007
Dear Mr. Howard, Given that Kaatom is presumably a shipping company, I'm working under the assumption that you will deliver the trunk to the address I have given you in Glasgow, Montana, once you have been paid the charges for shipping. You have already given me an estimate for the delivery charges; I have sent you documentation that you agreed was acceptable proving that I am the legal recipient of the trunk. The board of Little Boys Hospital has agreed to pay the shipping charges, but because a considerable sum is involved, they would like to have one of their representatives meet with you in person before payment is made. Once this meeting has taken place, the money you requested will be immediately wired to you, and you may then proceed to ship the trunk to me as we originally agreed. One of our board is currently in the air headed for Heathrow, but I presume it's somewhat late for you to meet him by now. Hence I will have to let you know next time one of the hospital board travels to London, and I hope you will be able to rendezvous with him then. I apologize for the inconvenience, but given the amount of funds requested (almost 20,000 US dollars at the current exchange rate), I'm sure you can understand that the Hospital would like a face-to-face meeting to confirm your bona fides before payment is made. Obviously it's impractical for me to come over there and "pick up" the trunk box: it's too large to take as luggage on a commercial flight, hence the necessity of employing a shipping company to deliver it. Regards Sweeney H. Todd, M. D. [More to come?] [Boggled? Seek de-bogglement on the MAIN PAGE.] |